What did I do wrong?

[Bookworm]

What did I do to deserve being transgender. Why could I not just be a cishet guy and leave it at that. Why do I have to feel like a frightened little girl? Damn it this sucks so very much. Did I wrong some individual or do something in a past life. Why oh why? Why am I pansexual. Why can't I just like girls and not feel like one. That is what ruined my last relationship. I was not even out, but she felt like she was dating a girl rather than a guy. I fell so hard for her and it just blew up in my face. I can't even act the guy part right.

I am tired of the frustration it has gotten old so fast. When is so aggravating is that there is little I can do about it all. I am stuck.

This is just a little moping sorry for that. I am just feeling sorry for myself at the moment.

[Devlyn]

Big hug! Mope away, we don't mind. It's what we're here for. Everybody knows what you're going through. Hugs, Devlyn

[King Malachite]

-hugs- Dude I understand your pain so well.  I too always wondered what the heck did I do in my past life to deserve this.  Did I piss off a girlfriend that happened to be a voodoo specialist and she placed a curse on my or something?  Did God really wanted to see me suffer?  Excluding intersex people, there's a 50/50 chance I could have been a male....why did the coin have to land on female and just ruin my life?  I can't even keep an online girlfriend or get one even if I paid her to at least pretend to love me (and believe me I've offered). 

I'll stop ranting on your thread but I just wanted to say you are so not alone buddy.

[Bookworm]

I know many people can relate. It just sucks. Why do I have to have a penis between my legs? Why do people expect me to be some big macho guy? I had to do some grunt work over the summer and while I liked it I hated that I was making my muscles bigger and that I looked more like a man. I hate all of this. I can't even wear panties because I am not fully out at home and so that would not work. (mom knows but other than her I have a family who would not understand and so for personal reasons I have not and will not tell them yet)

I can't even feel female. What I mean is that there is little I can do at the moment to present. Why can't I just be happy with what I have?

[Bookworm]

Also hugs BW, it's just a part of the deal.  It does swing like a pendulum, just hunker down and wait for the rebound.

I know it does the rebounds towards the bad just seem to get worse as time goes on.

[Bookworm]

Try this:  Set your gender flag here on Susan's to a pink F, then see how you feel.  It's easy enough to change.  Then change your handle here to something super sexy.  Play the part here online, if only for a bit....

I like my handle. The sexy is funny though. It made me laugh a bit. Thanks
I just can't get into that midset and it is nothing to do with feeling female. I am just too nerdy XD

[Beth Andrea]

*hugs*

If you can't "get" the guy act, and your gf felt like she was dating a girl...run with it. Don't fight it or lament...do the gurrrrl thang!



And, fwiw, one does not "deserve" to be transgendered...if you are, you are. Neither good nor bad, it just is. How you choose to live, can be good or bad.

Do the gu-gu-gurrrrrl thang! 

eta: change your s/n to "sexy bookworm" 

[Bookworm]

You don't have to change it for good, just for a little while, kind of like throwing on a pair of panties for a bit.  Do a forced override on the nerdy thing, your inner nerd will be grateful

What do you mean override?

[Bookworm]

Alright I thank you I am deff in a better mood now

[Bookworm]

Alright I sat my nerd self down and we had a nice chat. We agreed to compromise if one of my nerdy friends draws the monroe pic. She is a good artist and so I figured that would work.

[Bookworm]

How is that?

[Bookworm]

They found a pic and edited it a ton. Not original, but it will do. I am feeling better. Sexy no, but better yes. Sorry for the angst 

[Bookworm]

I feel like I have gotten really good at angst lately. oh well not the end of the world

[Taka]

it's not you who did wrong, but the rest of the world. they're the ones who have unfair expectations of you without even having gotten to know you.
in an ideal world, people would recognize you for who you are rather than what you look like.

you deserve to be treated right by people, taken for who you are, respected as another human being.
having been born with too much or too little of something shouldn't matter. unfortunately modern people tend to be way too biased, and it's not only trans people who are made to suffer. even people born with a disability suffer the same because of something they could decide themselves. i don't believe in the karma curse from a former life, if people can't treat someone right just because their mold was more noticeably imperfect than their own, then the sin is theirs. the blame isn't on you.

[Genevieve Swann]

You have done nothing wrong. Being able to have the feelings of both genders I consider good Karma. Remember we can always choose our friends. The solution may be to seek for an understanding partner. Being your true self is most important. Or, you can always do the "Macho Guy"act. However, if someone wants to see an act they would go to a movie or watch TV.