Well here it goes .
My name is Kyla .... *Awkward silence*
Oh right.. about my self .
Here's me in boy mode ...
http://imgur.com/a/5O8s9MtF 29 , Bi leaning toward lesbian ,
pre everything though I'm starting anti-androgens next week yay !!! and hopefully Hrt in a few months after I shed some more "boy fat" .
I work in visual effects / Cinematography ( the film industry )
After 27 years of knowing exactly what was wrong with me the dark clouds of repression lifted and I'm finally being able to be me . I have never felt more calm or happy in my life . But it took likely the worst conceivable series of soul crushing heart breaking disasters to get me here . As it is said " if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger ". Well I didn't know the meaning of that phrase for a long time until these past few years transpired .
Once upon a time I was that Super cool guy that all Trans women really wanted to be in a relationship with . Cool about all Tg issues , open minded and not a jerk who stood people up ... One day I met the most amazing human being I have ever met , beautiful inside and out and we fell deeply in love . Though unfortunately as time progressed and I let more and more of my guard down and my self expression flourish it became clear to her that she was indeed not in a relationship with a "normal" guy . Exactly a year ago today I lost who I considered to be my soulmate .
To her It was like that scene in Back To The Future when Marty's mom tries to kiss him before the dance and she just felt something wasn't right .... like she was kissing her little brother .
Well I tried to deny it myself because I loved this person so much but I finally came to terms with the fact that it felt weird to her because she wasn't a lesbian and I not a boy . I was looking for happiness in someone else but refused to love myself first . Looking back I hated her for breaking my heart though I now know she really saved my life . Being in a ST8 relationship with a trans girl was an easy out for me not having to go through the pain of dealing with the reality of Kyla . I thought I could attempt to be the compassionate guy all Trans girls deserve because I truly had walked in their Shoes/Heels but destiny had other plans .
I look back on my male life and tears well up because in every photo I see a tragically unhappy person , I also looked ->-bleeped-<-ing terrible . A constant stream of testosterone and cortisol will do that to you . I have finally woken up from this long nightmare .
Now I can live and love as my authentic self . I know for who ever I am destined to be with that true love is about looking in the same direction not at each other . I'm proud to join this forum on the anniversary of the worst day of my life to now usher in hopefully the best days of my life as Kyla .
Beyond the people who I know saved my life personally .
There's two people who taught me to listen to my heart and trust my inner voice . They taught me you don't have to forfeit your dreams , gifts and purpose because of what other people think of you . In life you can't connect the dots looking forward only backwards . Those people are
Steve Jobs
http://tinyurl.com/oxtqxcdand
Lana Wachowski .
http://tinyurl.com/d63hjrwI would not be alive today if it wasn't for them imparting their life experience to me . They have inspired me not to remain in the shadows about others like myself and to do all I can with all my abilities to make a difference . You never know you might just save a life . A life that's beautiful and contributes to making our world a better place .
Music says a lot about a person so hopefully this list says good things about me .
John lennon, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, David Bowie, Bob dylan, Elton john, Leonard Cohen, Led Zeppelin, Peter Frampton, Mr Scruff, The velvet underground, Neil young, Pet Shop boys, Modern English, Peter Gabriel,The yeah yeah yeahs , The english beat, Wings, Queen, The rolling stones, The cult, Roxy Music, The Smiths,Tears for fears, Michael Jackson, Cat stevens, Simon & Garfunkle, New order, Depeche mode, Ennio Morricone , Duran duran, Joy division, Primal scream, Frank Sinatra, Emitt Rhodes, Elvis, Elvis costello, C.C.R, Cream, Bjork, Billy Joel, Beck, lemon jelly, Garbage, Philip Glass, Brian Eno, Wojciech Kilar, Jerry Goldsmith, Alan Silvestri, The Doors, Air, Stereolab, Daft Punk, Mellow, Danny Elfman, Radiohead, Nine Inch Nails, Supertramp, The who, Lou Reed, Zero 7, Nick drake, ladytron, Nico, Mike oldfeild, Tangerine dream, Eric clapton, The Avalanches, The Cure, INXS, The Talking heads, Miles Davis, Thelonious Monk.Issac hayes, Quincy jones, George Duke, Charilift, Florence and the machine , Imogen Heap , Boards of Canada, Massive Attack, KRAFTWERK, Van Morrison, m83, The Vince Guaraldi Trio, Vangelis, Chemical Brothers, School of Seven Bells ,Brodcast ,Blondie , Com Truise , Crystal Castles , Purity RIng . and billions more that I'm far to lazy to write ...
As i said Im getting lazy and don't want to write an endless list of movies i like So i'll start with the Most important film maker to me and fill this in later ...
One word .... Kubrick .
Beyond that the sky's the limit now . . I hope to find some amazing new friends and support here .
Thanks for hearing me out
P.S. sorry my grammar sucks sometimes i'm slightly dyslexic but hey it's a trade off for being able to glow in the dark .
Kyla .
