Therapist rejection for not having chest dysphoria

[wolfduality]

I've passively been looking for a gender therapist to sort through my gender issues. I say passively because I know I can't afford it and it seems like many people in my state despite being recommended by my doctor, have no clue how to deal with transgender people. So, i played a gamble, and called a local office that offered low rates for uninsured people and was noted to deal with "gender issues". However, when I managed to talk with the therapist, I felt uneasy. Her tone seemed cold when I said my issue was with my gender and really put me off. She asked for an idea of what kind of gender issues I had so she could make sure she was knowledgeable enough to deal with it. I told her, in the simplest way, that I feel like I was born wrong and that although I feel repulsed by my lower body, I don't have any issues with my breasts/chest.

After what seemed like a day of silence, she just simply said "I don't think I can help you". When I asked why, she just stated she's never dealt with people that only have some issues with their gender. If I felt like I was born a guy, I would have to have issues with my breast too, not just my lower half. She implied that I wasn't committed to seeing through a transition if I was still attached to my chest. (Pun intended.) I felt embarrassed by that but considered it a dodged bullet and hung up after thanking her for her time.

Is it really that uncommon for FTMs to not have chest dysphoria? I mean, I like my breasts but I'm not against having them removed/bound if I want to commit to being a guy full time. I don't even have large breasts in the first place, hence why I'm probably not so determined to remove them or bind them all the time. So, is it really that strange for me to like my breasts but hate my lower half?

(I know it's probably a dumb question, but I really do feel like the therapist was making a point to say I'm not trans enough to be treated by her.)

[Mosaic dude]

Dysphoria comes in all shapes and sizes, and that therapist is clearly not qualified to help you.   I have chest dysphoria,  but I also have a kind of love-hate relationship with the things because they are quite useful on occasion.   I wouldn't say I have major chest dysphoria.

[randomroads]

There are some cis guys who are so turned on by the fact that they have breasts that they will take OTC estrogen enhancers to help develop them BUT they are neither cross dressers/gender flexible OR transgender in any sense. I know this because as a member of the BDSM community I see a lot of fetishism surrounding the human body and I've seen/talked to/met quiet a few men who were 'into' their own breasts. Several men were interested in male lactation, but were disinterested in any other 'feminine stuff'.

It's absolutely fine that you're rather attached to your breasts. I'm actually envious of you that you can tolerate them well enough to get along with them. I'm 100% positive that you are not alone with your particular 'issues'. There's absolutely no reason for you to ever have surgery to remove them if you don't want to, since there are plenty of other men with breasts and many of them have the attitude of 'well shucks, they're here I guess I gotta put up with it. Not a big deal.'

[wolfduality]

It's actually kinda funny you mention the attraction some people have for a guy to have actual breasts. (Not "moobs") Sometimes, my wife will flip flop between being totally in love with them and then wishing she had a "flat, manly chest" to snuggle into. It doesn't bother me that she says that as I know she sees me as a guy but still loves the female aspects of me, it can still sucks though that I can't provide that.

Anyway, it does cause issues (being lower dysphoric but not upper dysphoric) because people act like I farted when I say that. Since they only see the black and white of transgender/transsexual issues and don't seem to think of me as being "trans enough". In fact, some people think it's mocking the ones with "true ->-bleeped-<-" because I just want to be a "chick with a penis", or so I'm told. I don't even see myself as being "feminine" or "girly" for even having a chest, I just can't see myself being a girl/woman at all despite some female characteristics so being called that stings a lot. I try not to let it bother me but the therapist reminded me of those insults/who is more trans "feuds" I've been dragged into.

I can't help that I find my chest likable or tolerable but it's almost made me tempted to lie so I won't get rejected for not being "trans enough" for a therapist to treat me. Do you know what I mean by that though? (Sorry, I'm tired and I might ramble a bit.)

[Kreuzfidel]

I'm sorry that you experienced that level of ignorance.  I hope you can find someone who can help you.

Regarding the non-existent dysphoria with breasts - I can't say that, in my experience, it's common for FTM transsexuals to not dislike their breasts in some way.  Meaning, I've never heard an FTM say "I like my breasts".  I know that the transgender spectrum includes all varieties of people - some who are happy with a combination of male/female features and others who are not. 

But as has already been said, dysphoria comes in many forms and varying degrees - it's just that if you are in a small community, you are going to be lucky to find someone willing to deal with even a "classic" transsexual (wants the whole 9 yards, surgery, etc. - hates his body, etc.) - much less someone willing to work with someone who is perhaps more gender-fluid.  I'm not saying for you to not tell the truth to your therapist, but it's obviously confusing to them when they have a black-and-white view of what ->-bleeped-<- actually is (either wants a fully male body or doesn't).

[FTMDiaries]

I think the real red flag here was when she asked her to describe your gender issues so that she could make sure she was knowledgable enough to deal with them. In other words: she didn't have a clue about gender issues (or perhaps FtM issues) and she was kinda hoping you'd clue her in so she could wing it. That's not very encouraging.

A qualified, experienced gender therapist will know (as pretty much everyone here has pointed out) that dysphoria is very much a personal thing, and that there are people who don't have problems with certain elements of their secondary sexual characteristics. This is perfectly normal. In my experience, it is rare for FtMs to not experience chest dysphoria - but it isn't unheard of, and it doesn't make anyone 'less trans'. I have heard of a couple of other transguys who quite like their breasts. Personally, I can't stand the things - but to each their own.

In all fairness, a strong desire to be rid of one's own secondary sexual characteristics is one of the 6 diagnostic criteria for GD in the DSM-5 - but you only need to meet two of the criteria and there are five others to choose from. I believe it was inappropriate to reject you on such a flimsy basis.

You're right: you dodged a bullet here. I'd keep looking for a better therapist if I were you.

[wolfduality]

A qualified, experienced gender therapist will know (as pretty much everyone here has pointed out) that dysphoria is very much a personal thing, and that there are people who don't have problems with certain elements of their secondary sexual characteristics. This is perfectly normal. In my experience, it is rare for FtMs to not experience chest dysphoria - but it isn't unheard of, and it doesn't make anyone 'less trans'. I have heard of a couple of other transguys who quite like their breasts. Personally, I can't stand the things - but to each their own.

In all fairness, a strong desire to be rid of one's own secondary sexual characteristics is one of the 6 diagnostic criteria for GD in the DSM-5 - but you only need to meet two of the criteria and there are five others to choose from. I believe it was inappropriate to reject you on such a flimsy basis.

Don't worry, hun. I know it's one of those things that I need to either commit to one way or another. (To live with my breasts and be possibly confused as a woman/teased for being a guy with moobs or just get them removed completely.) I'll be honest and say I might be sad to have them removed, but I'm more interested in being a flat chested guy than keeping my boobs and being a guy. Now that I think about it, I've never worn anything beyond sports bras except the occasional regular bra when trying to look "womanly". So really, I might not be literally binding but I'm certainly not emphasizing my breasts in the least.

I think it might be one of those things that carried over from puberty, when I was so desperately trying to deal with my gender confusion as my body began to change. I thought I would get the large breasts my whole female family members have but I never got big so it was confusing for me. Kinda like "If I have to be a woman, I better get some serious boobage" but I guess life isn't fair or easy. So, with time, my neutralness might carry over to being "Yeah, let's go ahead and get them removed. I'm done pretending to be a woman." And so on.

I will certainly keep looking for a therapist.

[Nygeel]

I guess you could've gotten back with her saying "lots of guys who aren't trans have breasts." I think it's different from person to person...everybody has their own thing that they're uncomfortable with. For a guy with a larger chest it probably would be more bothersome than somebody with a small chest. I really didn't feel THAT crummy about my body, but I did feel a lot of problems with the social aspects.