Therapy and the Decision to Transition

[Gina_Z]

I have a lot of trouble deciding. The decision to transition. Will seeing a therapist help? I've read posts here at Susan's by people who must transition. It's like a life or death decision for them. For me it is OK to stay in my male role. I just think I would be a lot happier in a feminine role. I look at women with envy and empathy. I do not hate my organ. I just think I would be a lot happier in a female role and everything that goes with it. I definitely like physical feminization, to the degree that I have experienced it. I guess it couldn't hurt to see a therapist, but will they tell me not to consider SRS or transitioning just because I am simply androgynous? 

[suzifrommd]

Gina, can I tell you a little bit of my story in case it helps?

I thought I might be androgynous. Like you, I didn't feeling like it was a life or death thing, though my life without transition would have been unacceptably bleak.

What helped me make up my mind was dressing and (to an extent) passing as female and seeing how it felt for me. I was going out about once or twice a week, but what I was discovering was that I was feeling more "real" when I was out and about as a woman than when I was living my life a man.

During this time, I was NOT in therapy, owing to a poor choice of therapist who made me wait three months for a worthless eval. By the time the eval came along, I had already made up my mind to transition.

And IMO, androgynous people have just as much right as any other trans people to transition and present how they are most comfortable.

Good luck. I hope this helps.

[JoanneB]

Transition almost never has been a "Must have" for me. For many (to all perhaps) that I know who did the choice often came down to transition or suicide.

I am very much on the fence also. I experimented with transitioning, twice, back in my 20's. Some 30+ years later after the excrement hit the air handler I needed to get a handle on my life. After a lot of introspection I came to the conclusion that I need to take the trans beast head on as that was really the root-cause of many of the disasters in my life. I had opted to continue on faking being a guy, which the rules I had set up in my mind had over time crippled me and turned me into into a lifeless soulless machine.

With the help of a fantastic TG support group, as well as a wife who wants me to be happy, along with a lot of working on myself spiritually and emotionally, I am slowly regaining life, joy, and happiness, in addition to being able to finally feel like a real and whole person, not just some facade put up for the world to see.

I know from having had the opportunity that I can experience the real world as the real me. To be seen as and accepted as a woman. Yet I know all too well the darker side of what transitioning to full time can bring to my life. Everything in life comes with a cost attached. With a semi invalid wife and heavy financial obligations, besides having a fun job that pays well, I cannot afford to loose that income right now. While I believe our marriage will survive it has been redefined some already and most certainly will be further redefined if I go full-time. My wife did marry a man after all.

Therapy can perhaps help in opening up your mind, knocking down walls you built, and interjecting some reality. Only you can decide if transitioning to full-time is worth the cost to other areas of your life. Only you can place a value on them vs the perceived happiness living as a woman

[Gina_Z]

Thank you Joanne and Suzi. I understand. Life can be complicated. Thanks for sharing. Gina.