Hi everyone
My name is Andria.
I am going to start with a bit of a background on myself. I am currently 20 years old, and I work for the navy. My current job is studying at uni so I can eventually do the job I joined for, ya
. I am a somewhat shy person and I have only had one girlfriend and I love to be active ... sigh ... I'm just trying to avoid the topic. I am pretty feminine in some of my mannerisms and how engage in conversation and find it easier to develop and maintain friendships with the girls rather then the guys.
For about the last five years I had this feeling that I didn't fit in with the guys, and simply put I dont. I am close to the shortest out of my mates only 5'8". And over the last three years about the time I left home I have wanted to be a women. I was still with my girlfriend but being away for so long didn't really help. I flirted with the idea of cross-dressing imagining I was her which seemed natural but confusing cause I still love the stereotypical male hobbies and stuff (and I suppose it is how I was raised) but (this my seem mean to say but what I thought at the time is) 'this isn't right', 'this isn't what guys do'. I hadn't tried that since until just recently but those thoughts didn't eventuate so I'm happy. In addition since that first experience I shave my legs, and etc to feel more feminine and I still fantasize every night (and sometimes during the day :O woops) of becoming a girl.
However it hasn't been until the last 6-9 months that I have actually seriously considered having HRT and going through with SRS. But as I said I am quite shy and I do not think I could take living as a women if I didn't look like one completely. However in this male, gym junkie, testosterone fuelled military scene I do not think I could handle being pointed out as a mtf, it just terrifies me.
Now thinking about it I dont really consider myself "one of the guys" and I always have imagined my sexual encounters similar to a lesbian with focus much less on the ultimatum that is intercourse. Also in the last few months I have been imagining myself being with a man, sometimes intimate, but most of the time just snuggling. These fantasizes do give me some respite to concentrate on other things but as soon as a spare moment appears its what I'm thinking about again.
One defining feature of my female self is that I am in love with female fashion I could go for hours just looking at different shoes. However I am certainly not like this picking with my male clothes however I do take car to pick out clothes that give me the desired less masculine appearance. Which finally leads me to my main concern.
My parents are uber old school, black and white, there is no grey. They dont even accept gays and lesbians they consider it (and I quote) "weird", so I am dreading the day I tell them. But I think my sister should be ok with it, if not a bit confused. However I am not sure if telling my parents is worse or not but I have no idea how to approach it when/if I want to tell my navy and army friends. So is there any ideas or pointers that could make me less nervous cause atm I'm jumping out of my skin.
But anyway until I decide, my plan right now:
1) Ty to bring my weight down cause I still have quite a bit of muscle especially on my legs and triceps.
2) Do some exercises and stuff to get a more feminine body without hormones.
3) Continue seeing my psych about getting over this fear and talk about how I should begin.
So any help would be most helpful.
Thx kisses
Andria
