Hello from a very late bloomer

[Davina]

By way of introduction I'm well past my sixty fifth birthday so I guess I qualify as a senior citizen.  Like most people 
who grew up in the forties and fifties I was indoctrinated into the belief that transsexualism was taboo and unnatural  so I  was only able to live a  conventional male life  by being in constant war with my inner feelings since the time
I was a child. Like most of my generation I married and my wife and I are blessed with a wonderful family that I love very much so I felt ashamed of myself whenever I had the compulsion to dress and otherwise express my feminine side in secret and I hoped and believed the feelings that I struggled with all my life would ameliorate as I got older.  However that was not the case.  After I retired the feelings that I had been able to suppress and repress intensified tenfold so I had to face my inner demon or perish.  I came out to my wife and I believe she saved my life.  So now I'm  stuck in no man's land because I live at home as female but I'm terrified of coming out to my children and grandchildren for fear they will pull away from me and I don't believe I could handle that.   Therefore I would appreciate any   forum members that may have been in a similar situation relaying their experiences on how their family members reacted to
the news that the head of the clan is really a woman who has been living a lie their entire life.

[V M]

Hi Davina 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here

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Hugs

V M

[mrs izzy]

Welcome Davina

I know its hard trying to do all this way late in ones life (also a AARP club member lol)  but it can be done. As for knowing if anyone will pull away is everyones fears. You poll 1000 of us and that will be all 1000s top issue they struggle with.

For me i was not lucky when i went full time my x dropped me like a sack of garbage. and out of my 2 children that where 21-19 and my extended family i lost 0. So it can be done and sad part is you do not know if, when our who. For me i figured that if anyone did not want anything to do with me then i am sorry the feel that way. I am the same person that has been here all the life just now wrapped only prettier.

You will be supprised by the younger generation and as i still have my parents and grand mother they stood by my side with out judging me.

Good luck and glad you are making peace with you inner feelings best you can.
Izzy

[Jamie D]

"Living a lie" is not really what you did.  You coped with something you did not understand or comprehend.  You did as best as you could to manage the dysphoria.  Me too, Cindy too. Lots of us who are in our 50s or 60s.

Those of us in the "baby boom" generation did not have access to therapy, information, or others like us.  Few role models.  But we have a few real trailblazers here, like Northern Jane, who got SRS in 1974.

And you know, as we who were born in male bodies age, and the testosterone levels naturally drop, I think those female feelings can become more intense.

Don't be hard on yourself.  You have friends here.

[Davina]

Mind is quiet now and Jamie D,  Thank you very much for your comments.  They are much appreciated.  I think what makes my coming out  especially difficult for me is that for decades I presented as this macho male figure.  I didn't
show any signs of femininity so my children perceived their father to be someone they could  count on when they
needed a man for support.  Somehow I was able to pull that sham off for most of my life until one day I couldn't any longer.  That's when I was forced to face my inner demon and it seems I went from this hard always angry man to a soft, shy female person that would cry at the drop of a hat.  That's when I came out to my wife because I was at the end of  my rope.  After the initial shock my wife was supportive on the condition that I not come out to our children
so for the past  six or seven years I've tried to present  as the father they have always known while in the presence of our children  but lived as a woman with my  wife in the confines of our home.  That situation lasted for six or seven years until now when it's become just to hard to  continue the charade any longer.  I fully understand that it's fear
that is incapacitating me from moving forward but the question I have is  how do I get beyond that fear.  I just want
to be me without tearing our family apart.

[Donna Elvira]

Hi Davina and welcome aboard!
I'll be 56 next month, came out to my three adult kids two years ago and also have my first grand-child. Two years down the road, my kids have all provided testimonial letters in support of my civil identity change filing.
The rest of my story is also very similar to yours but my transition is going very well and I'm not even retired. So, you can also add the complexity of transitioned in quite a high profile job to the mix. A bit complicated but, barring some last minute accident, I should finish my transition over the next 6 months.
So look around here a bit and feel free to ask any questions which might help you find your way to wherever it is you think you need to go.
Hugs.
Donna

[Cindy]

Hi Davina,

I'm 60 going on 20

When I took the plunge everyone was totally accepting. I think what holds us back is always fear, and in many cases we find that fear to be unfounded when we face it. We are also mature enough to realise we owe nothing to anyone, we have given our lives to the care of our children etc, and now it is time to live our lives.  I have to admit that my life is now wonderful going on incredible with a large dose of fantastic for good measure!

Hugs and Welcome

Cindy

[justpat]

   Hi and a big welcome!
  There are many of us here and my life was parallel to yours so you are definitely not alone in your feelings. I am 64 going on 20 and my better half  is 70 going on 20 we have been reborn together and enjoy every minute.It is different to say the least but we make the best of it and love to go shopping together,but she keeps taking the clothes I pick out she just had to be my size what luck.Our daughters are very supportive that helps.
Good luck and just enjoy life thats what we do .  Pat