After about a month and a half of merely lurking on this website and while doing research directing me here almost nonstop I am surprised it took me this long to make an account. So I am here to open up and this is as my support group and way to ask questions while I start and continue my transition and hopefully one day be mentally strong enough to help other women.
Well to introduce myself; this is always so hard for me... being as shy as I am. To start I was born named Edward Weaver; however I am going by Allison Kate Weaver now after actually coming out a month and a half ago. I think the first time I actually thought about who I was and the first time I ever thought about my gender was when I was 13 and I was playing basketball with some friends of mine and some girls from my school passed by when I was waiting for my friends to get the ball told me "Did you know you would a cute girl" I got about ten shades of red and it pretty much spiraled out of control for me.
Going through puberty I just always associated more easily with girls than I did boys, literally the only thing I had in common with other boys was my love for Video Games and that was a direct reflection of me trying to escape of the constant thoughts of asking "Who I am." Before it was too late I was 16 and my brothers were growing up and needed a big brother figure and I tried; I really tried to be the older brother and manly example for them but I failed miserably at every turn and simply returned to my envy of RPGs being able to choose your gender opposed to being assigned it at birth but with my youngest brother turning 18 in three months I decided to start thinking about who I was an what I always wanted in my life and just pushed back the thoughts of wanting to be female because I didn't even know transgendered people even existed because I never cared enough to pick people apart by their gender.
Well this led to a gigantic mental breakdown one night to my best friend, she told me that everything was ok and that the way I thought was pretty common and there were other people like me and had me talk to her FTM friend and he did wonders for my self confidence and finally after 21 years of pretending and trying to be a man; I accepted my femininity instead of shoving it to the back of my head to not think of it. To frankly put it; I've never been happier and I feel so comfortable taking care of my body femininely and even started openly acting feminine around everything. Everything just feels so right and everyone else even notices it and they're just surround me because of my glowing energy after everything.
I started coming out to people one by one; and told my mother who was completely happy for me she actually made jokes saying "Well I was wanted a daughter; just without all the teenage rebellion, so this is unexpected and awesome!" and my brothers even told me that if anyone gives me hell for who I am they will make sure nobody else does anything; but in that same light I've experienced loss since coming out. Certain people have proven to be transphobic and distanced themselves from me and it was saddening at first; but everything got better and day by day I become happier and my dysphoria is less crippling. Hell my brother and my best friend in real life said they would be my brides maids and their girlfriends are were so happy to have just another girlfriend in me.
But besides that pointless and long story; I am happy to meet all of you, and I have my visit scheduled to the local Gender Therapist next Thursday so I am excited to begin my transition into a body that I am more comfortable in my own skin and hopefully be seen as female to others too in time! Thank you for all your time <3
