Hormones (from my opinion) made my partner's depression worsen?

[princessme]

My partner is pre op mtf and started hormones in feb? She was taking them for about 3 months but her depression, anxiety and social phobia got really bad over that time along with her moods. I thought, since that was her goal, that hrt would make her happy, being one step closer to her desire yet it made her miserable. Unfortunately, she missed two appts at her gender clinic so they discharged her and she is awaiting an appt to see them this month (long story) and in the mean time has been refused hormones because of not keeping up with the programme. Since not being on them, she is a lot happier and gaining confidence again. I can't help thinking that hrt doesn't suit her? Any thoughts?

[Jenny07]

I can't yet comment personally about hormones yet but do know from experience that different variants of similar prescribed drugs can have a remarkably differing effect on the body. It's a matter of finding the one that works for her. In the past I have been on different anti depressants and some worked well but others had the opposite effect and made things much worse. It was so awful I just stopped.
When your partner gets back on the program, she and yourself should mention the impact of the hormones she was on and the negative effects you witnessed that resulted. Perhaps an alternative can be tried that might be better.

Remember it is always important to keep in touch and be honest with the doctors about the impacts of medication as the person taking it may not be aware fully of just how it is going.

Hope things work out and thanks for looking out for her.

J

[princessme]

Thank you for your reply Jenny, we are UK and they seem to only prescribe one HRT as far as I am aware. As far as honesty is concerned, my partner is never 100% honest with the doctors or with me for that matter (we have just had the most horrendous 4 weeks due to her dishonesty and secrecy). I have asked her to be open, the professionals can't help her properly if she is not honest :/ I would love to give my opinion to her team but I last appointment I attended with her was awful, I have Bipolar and was a bit zoned out and felt they were talking at me than to me and I haven't been invited to attend with her again

[blueconstancy]

It's not unheard of for estrogen (or hormonal swings in general) to cause or worsen depression.

That said, the solution would seem to be to treat the depression, not to discontinue HRT; if she were on any other lifesaving medication, it'd be standard procedure to find a way to alleviate the side effects. It can be hard to see from the outside, but depression isn't always the same thing as "not being happy" - she could be thrilled about all of it and still depressed, just like I was happy to go on birth control but still got migraines from it.

I'm sure this is very hard on you, though.

[princessme]

She was on an anti depressant a long time before and during the hormones. The reason the hrt was discontinued was because she failed to attend two appts at the gender clinic, so from their policy, they had to discharge her as they could not contact her to rearrange an appointment, it looked to them like she had got what she had wanted and ran and their policy states that their patients have to have regular check ups. tbh my partner didn't even have an initial assessment prior to hormone treatment so no one has a clue what her baseline figures were, which have to be done now before recommencing treatment. I fought tooth and nail to get her another appt with the clinic. We have been through a really rough time lately. My partner and her mother behind my back decided to buy my partner a house, whilst lying to my face about what they were doing without considering my feelings or those of my four year old. Apparently the hope was that in a couple of years me and my son would have moved in with my partner, I would have been expected to get a job to pay my way... I was horrified, more so with her mum for coercing the decision and offering to pay for it which I think is appalling. I no longer speak to her mother because of it. The house is not happening however, I told my partner it was an unrealistic expectation to think I and my son would move in with her after not even being given choice of where we would like to live. Anyway, this decision is a typical spur of the moment kind of decision my partner has been making since her depression, impulse buying to make herself happy and regretting it after, pity her and her mum hadn't confided in me, I would have said it was a bad idea and saved them the £5000 they have spent on surveys in a house that was inappropriate. The other thing is, this money her mum was using to buy her the house is floating around in her mum's bank account. I suggested that if the money was fr making my partner happy, it may be best invested in facial feminisation surgery (which I know my partner really wants). Sad thing is though, the mother won't allow the money to be spent on that, even at the cost of her daughter's happiness, only a house. I think mother has issues with the transition, even to the point where when she is in a bad mood with my partner, she will call her her former name out of spite. I wish the woman would cut the apron strings a little and let us breathe!

[JLT1]

Transitioning is a seriously confusing time.  For me and for others, there generally isn't a straight path.  It seems to be more "be depressed, start, deny, stop, get depressed, become somewhat psychotic, cry" and then repeat at start.  Somewhere in that cycle comes the real start.  Then, and only then, do things go as smooth as changing your entire being can be.  It can be a terrifying and trying process.  It's also hard and confusing - on everyone involved. 

Just reading between the lines and taking a guess (that I actually hope is wrong), it seems like your partner is trying to please her mother and her mother is rewarding her.  There is a dynamic there I'm not sure either of us understand.   

It's late.  I'll try to keep checking in on you if you would like.  Keep posting.

Jen

[princessme]

Just reading between the lines and taking a guess (that I actually hope is wrong), it seems like your partner is trying to please her mother and her mother is rewarding her.  There is a dynamic there I'm not sure either of us understand.   

Jen, I totally agree with this. She has always tried to please her mum from what I understand and has always kept secrets from her mum, which has followed through into her relationship with me. We had a chat not that long back after her mother was calling and demanding my partner go see her or just turning up at my house uninvited and walking in (little did I know they were house hunting at the time), about how controlling she is and that it invades my privacy and that it has to stop because one day, me and my son might need my partner and she won't be there for us because she will be pandering to her mother (who has a partner). Her mother has tried to display elements of control towards me also. I had a bad time in March with Bipolar depression and went into voluntary mental health care for a week. In that time her mum had thrown things of mine out of my house saying it was rubbish, I had to fish it out the bin because it was things that I have had for years with sentimental value, she also provided her own mug for drinking at my house (what's wrong with mine?!).

My partner has hidden things from me, she brought hrt over the internet last year and failed to tell me, taking them in secret before thinking about the consequences. I found out because she left the empty packet on display in my downstairs loo so I had to give her the low down about taking things she didn't know what they were, a trans friend had recommended them. She lied to her gender clinic about storing sperm (which she really wanted to do) because she so desperately wanted to be prescribed the hrt. Now she regrets this deeply. My poor partner, she runs into decisions head first without thinking and really regrets the outcomes. But this boils down to her secrecy throughout her life with her mum. She doesn't discuss financial matters with her mum and had she had done prior to the money being spent on the house, her mum would have realised she has spent her savings on things she regrets purchasing now and was not in a good financial position to pay bills, buy furniture etc. I get the impression, her mum thinks I am using my partner for money, which is not true in the slightest. I do feel at times I am playing tug of war with her. It's all hard work.

[anjaq]

Well, there is that "classical" concept that doing HRT will tell you something about your transsexuality. Often people will tell uncertain transgenders that if they do HRT and it feels good for them, then this is the right path and they likely are heading for a permanent change of outward gender. The flipside would be that if HRT makes you unhappy, it may be the wrong way at this time. But that of course is a oversimplification which has to be considered but should not be taken as a single indicator. I read that there are other issues that can at this time cause mood swings due to family issues, if that coincides with the mood, it may well be a cause. Another cause especially in terms of anxiety can be that HRT is a rather definitive step - the timeframe until going 24/7 is not too long at that point or as in Germany you officially only get HRT after a year of going 24/7 (which I find very cruel to be honest). It is quite normal then that this change in everyday life at the same time causes excitement but also anxiety, especially when jobs are in the game. So I think it would be good to know about your partner, if she has already done the outward gender flip or if there is a timeframe after beginning HRT at which point this is planned (maybe even determined by the gender clinic)? As I said, this experience (or more precisely the rejection that could and most likely at some point will be experienced) can cause a lot of anxiety and even depression that is only linked to HRT by schedules that connect both. A friend of me actually de-transitioned after years of HRT because of the anxiety and depression caused by that rejection, which was really quite a weird and sad thing. So I'd try to see if some of these points can be linked to the increase in depression and anxiety or if it truely was a hormonal influence, in the latter case I would also suggest a different product, though most of them are very much identical and maybe a very close monitoring of blood levels. A fluctuating hormonal level or overly high dosages as well as minimal dosages can also cause mood swings. In my case every time it was too low I got seriously down and depressed. If dosages are right, levels are in normal female range, living 24/7 is not linked to the problem and all of this goes on for more than half a year, I would reluctantly suggest to consider with a therapist what can be an issue here. After all,  HRT will be for life - if the result is depression and anxiety, then this is a problem and as I said for some doctors and therapists it is an indicator that speaks for reconsidering transitioning and certainly surgery at that point in time.

[princessme]

Thank you for your input. I am afraid as far as offering my partner advice, she doesn't listen to me at all and rushes into things feeling the consequences afterwards. But thank you.