Aloha, my new friends!
My introduction will not fit "the norm". Not EVEN in this chat forum!!
#1) Earlier this month I celebrated birthday #64!! (Au'e! I can no longer sing Beatles' "will you still need me, will you still feed me.... when I'm 64! LOL)
#2) I come here after searching internet for a forum-- under strangest possible circumstance. I come to transgender questioning as a result and encouragement of MY NEW HUSBAND AND PARTNER!!
(Ohhhhh, don't worry about me! I am already reading my own flashing yellow lights!! But it is what it is! My very new Lover-- whom I will marry next month-- is encouraging me. He even names me! Always named "Ric", husband calls me Rickya. He says something like this, "From moment I saw your picture on
Silverdaddies.com and I talk to you, I realize you are woman, who needs love and care."
If another human being ever spoke truer words to me??.... such permission... such support... such loving!
3) I "came out" first time age 26-- 38 years ago. I have lived majority of my life as a happy, well-adjusted, proud, totally-out gay MAN!
4) My "gay man" identity has always worked for me. I love myself. I love life. I love friends. I have had 6 different LTR-- all loving and seeminly "the one"-- and all eventually not successful.
As a gay man I have been free of box; free of stereotype; free of gender identity pressure! Okay, so I quilt, cook, garden, sew, love kissing more than f...ing, cry easily, search from heart and not from c..k. Okay, so I hate work on cars and motors, war, competitive sports, football weekends, locker room man talk or any gathering where men are showing off their testosterone levels!! So what? Who cares? Not I!! "Gay man" works for me!!!! I am free, proud, loving. I have a wonderful life with recent early retirement.
4) So what is this?
?? Such tears falling onto computer!! In this month my new husband speaks, "I name you Rickya. I look in your eyes and I listen to your voice. I know you are woman. And I will always love you-- whoever, whatever you decide to be!"
I buy and put on make-up for him (two times before--in my 20's-30's for drag ball) and the same identical thing happens!! Make-up on.... see myself in mirror... magic! Mystery! Mystical!... I AM WOMAN!!! SUDDENLY I AM 10000000000% WOMAN!
5) Slow down, Rickya! Slow down. Deep breathing. Plenty time--slow time. Just be.... just be whoever whatever however you are. If there is need for second "coming out", it will take time. It will require greatest ever courage and strength. And it will need all the love in the world-- which I HAVE.... from God; from self; from husband, who reads my heart and soul!
6) I come here.... because where else in the world can a 64 y.o. (wo) man with such tears....where else to turn??..but to you, who may understand.
Aloha no!
Rickya
