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Discussing non binary gender with your children

Started by Jaysinxdres, June 01, 2015, 09:22:44 AM

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Jaysinxdres

Good morning all! So I have a question for other non binary folks. I have a 7 yeast old son and would like to start taking with him about the gender spectrum. I'm wondering what is a good place to start? If you have children how did you start?  Are there books or movies or other things that I can use to introduce ideas? Or to more educate myself? As I am new to discovering my own gender identity. Basically where do I start?
Jaysin
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suzifrommd

Don't need to make a big deal of it. Maybe mention, when the occasion warrants, that not everyone who looks like a girl really is a girl, and not everyone who looks like a boy really is a boy. Some people who look like boys are really girls inside, and vice versa. There are also some people who don't exactly feel like a boy or a girl, maybe in between, or a little of both.
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?
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iKate

My therapist said to use the word "transgender" with kids and that it's not something to be ashamed of.
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Jaysinxdres

I definitely don't want to make a big deal of it, I think using words like Transgender/non binary are important early so people are more understanding. I had no idea these words existed until recently. But my issue is making the ideas and understanding of those ideas easy for children. Maybe there isn't an easy way. But as someone that's finding their true gender identity now and wanting to be open with my immediate family, epically my son, I need help. How would I explain to my son that his father may dress as a man one day but as a woman the next? I dont want him to be confused but I'm worried he won't comprehend what I am. Epically as I'm finding it more and more hard to cope with normal day life without presenting as I feel.
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Devlyn

I think if you just live your life you'll be leading by example, and everything will turn out fine.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn
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suzifrommd

Quote from: Jaysinxdres on June 01, 2015, 03:08:34 PM
How would I explain to my son that his father may dress as a man one day but as a woman the next?

How about just like that. "Son, your father may dress as a man one day but as a woman the next." If he wants to know more, he'll ask, and you'll answer honestly.
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?
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synesthetic

kids are generally more accepting with these things, and more understanding. just explain that some people are guys, some people are girls, and some people aren't strictly either, and that those people are called non-binary people. if he doesn't get it at first, then I'm sure he'd be willing to learn.
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Bheal57

When I was explaining what being trans* meant to my step son (eight at the time), I started by asking him "Are you a boy or a girl?" He replied "boy".

I then asked "So did you wake up one day and *decide* to be a boy, or have you always been a boy in your head?" He said that he's always been a boy.

I followed up with "well, people who are transgender have always known that they're whichever gender they are in their head, it's just that they were born into a body whose sex doesn't match what their head is telling them." We then went on to discuss the difference between sex and gender, and how sometimes you need to dress or act a certain way to be comfortable in your skin. (One of his mother's co-workers had begun transitioning shortly before this conversation took place, so we were dealing with the concept of binary trans folk as a starting point.)

He seemed to understand the concept pretty well, though I expect we'll be having more conversations as time goes on. Especially now I'm officially out socially as genderfluid. Step-son is definitely still grappling with the concept that you can't always tell a person's gender just by looking at them.

My three year old currently doesn't know/care about gender roles, but I expect to be having similar conversations as she gets older and realises that most people aren't called "they" and/or most people referred to as "mum" have far more feminine traits than I do.
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