Taking the next step.

[Gray Seraph]

Tomorrow is a big day for me. My psychiatrist finally called back to set up an appointment for tomorrow night.

I'm going to tell my psychiatrist everything, that I never had the guts to say before.  I think I'm ready for it now, there's no need to fear  my doctor. I'm not sure how much she can do for me, but one of her specialties is psychotherapy, so she might be able to help. If not, then it's time to look for another doctor.

I just hope I don't get there and lock up( I think I'm past that now, so it shouldn't be a problem). I guess I just need to consider that I've wanted this since I was 15, so I shouldn't be that worried.

Though it's going to be a lot easier than eventually coming out to my mother as being TS.

I was also planning to bring SOCv6, but I couldn't print it(no ink), so I have to make due without it. In any case I'm not going to let it hold me back.

It's time to start my long overdue journey now.

~Marciel

[Melissa-kitty]

Great!! Have courage. Psychiatrists are just people. They work for you, remember. Write down at least your main points so that you make sure you have them heard. Don't be afraid to consider what he/she says before you agree to any course of action. If you have reservations, consider them. Keep in mind. They work for you, not the other way around.
Namaste, Tara
(Psychiatrist and Repo-woman)

[Gray Seraph]

Thanks for the encouragement .

I already have a list of things to go over with her, I've been working on it all week, while I was waiting for my doctor to call back.
It turned out she was on vacation, so that's why it took her so long to get back to me.

I'm still a bit nervous(that's pretty much to be expected), but I'll manage. It's just one of those things I have to do for myself. It may not be the best time in my life (financially), but I just can't stand to hide in the shadows anymore. That much I do know. It's bad enough I already put things off this long.

~Marciel

[Barbara Ann]

Hi Marciel,
It's a team - you and the doctor. I believe you will experience a great relief when you lay out your concerns and start a dialog. When I had my first session, it was the first time I had spoken about GID with a live, in-front-of-me human. It was liberating.
All the best to you-
-Barb

[Gray Seraph]

I was able to tell my psychiatrist last friday, and it was a lot easier than the whole ordeal I'd made it out to be.
It definitely felt good to finally work up the courage to tell another person face to face, and a bit liberating (like you said) to admit it.
She said she wouldn't have guessed it though, which is understandable, given I tried to hide it.

I guess she didn't know as much as I thought she did. I always seem to think people notice it more than they actually do, but I'm starting to realize that I've been hiding it all better than I ever thought I was. Guess I'm my own worst critic.

I've come quite a ways from my first post here, when I wasn't even sure of myself. At that time I really feared even telling my doctor, but I now know all that fear was for nothing.

I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to do it, but I managed. I couldn't fit as much as I wanted into my session, so I guess I still have a lot to talk about next time. Next month I'm going to discuss what to do from here and figure out the best way to come out to my mother.

I'm finding the thing that hurts me the most right now is not yet being able/ready to tell my mother. I want to, but I'm afraid to hurt her. I was thinking of possibly doing it in letter form, like others have suggested.

I feel a bit overwhelmed by my future(or rather how I'm going to get there) right now, but I have a long/hard journey ahead of me. It's better to feel overwhelmed than hopeless(like I did in the past) though. All I know is that there's no way in hell I'm turning back now, that path was just too dark and lonely for me. It's just I couldn't see that before.

I know I don't have the financial means to do much right now(besides a bit of therapy and possibly HRT), but this may be just the motivation I need to get out of my house and look for a job again, after all this hiding I've done from the world.

~Marciel

[Barbara Ann]

Terrific news, Marciel! Now, you and your therapist can get busy on your agenda!!
We feel that we have so many tasks ahead of us in transitioning that, yes, they can overwhelm us. Take it one step at a time dear. This may sound hokey, but maybe sketch out a list of your priorities and a put them on a timeline. It's just an idea. Sometimes it helps to make the ideas in our head a little more "concrete" by writing them down. You can revise it and add to it as you see fit. Or toss it out and start fresh!
Coming out to your closest loved one(s) was the hardest thing for me, hands down. There is so much good advice in the Coming Out section of the forum! It really helped me. These girls are so wise.
You are on your way, girl!! I'm so happy for you!
-Barb

[Gray Seraph]

I know my psychiatrist can't help me forever. I'd rather tell her everything I can first(since I trust her more than I'd trust a new doctor) then have her write a letter to whoever I go to next.

I still need to seek out a therapist that specializes in GID though, maybe my psychiatrist can recommend somebody next time I see her.

Writing out a list would probably be a good idea, to get things in order.

~Marciel