I figured that I'd make use of this forum and get some things off my chest, if anyone has any advice or words of wisdom to offer I'd greatly appreciate it

I've been flipping between thinking I'm ftm, cis female, and something in between for a very long time, and it's really been stressing me out. I get really sad over really stupid things a lot lately. This afternoon I was listening to a song by a male singer that I really admire, and I caught myself thinking "Man, I wish I could be like him", probably because he has an amazing voice, an amazing body, everything that I can't attain without transitioning and losing my feminine side.
I figure the normal answer would just be "Then don't transition" but that really leaves a bad taste in my mouth too. I want a masculine shape and voice most of the time, but just when I think "maybe I really should do it" I realize that I can't really have the male traits that I want and keep my feminine traits too. I dig dresses on occasion. Like once in a blue moon but i still dig 'em. I like my long hair, kind of. My voice is kind of ehh.
I just worry intensely that I'll transition and not be happy with my body, and then be stuck with it. I'm very indecisive. I've also realized how difficult it might be to find someone who accepts all of...this. Including what comes next since, eh.
I've always wanted my own children, and I've heard that T can make you infertile, which I really, really want to avoid. I would be crushed. I've also heard FTMs say that FTMs who get pregnant give the rest of them a bad name, which really does sting. I figure since I'm not really FTM, and more somewhere around androgynous leaning heavily male, it doesn't really apply, but still.
My parents also just barely tolerate the LGBT community, and I feel like telling them that I'm not male OR female would really test their limits. They might react better if I just said I was a guy.
While writing this I got kind of confused and skipped back and forth between paragraphs, so if everything seems rather disjointed I'm very sorry

But anything anyone has to offer would be greatly appreciated.