My Mother's Logic

[Edge]

A couple weeks ago, I got into the subject of abuse with my mother again. I asked her why again which is pretty dumb, but you know. One of the examples I brought up was when my dad exploded over the fact that my boyfriend smoked (that was one of the times I ended up kicked out my house). My mom got that superior look on her face and said, "Well, was that guy good for you?"
Please tell me I am not the only one who thinks that is illogical.

Keep in mind that, at his worst, my ex would only belittle me. My family belittled me, used gaslighting and other manipulative psychological games, yelled at me (while I was cornered and a few inches from my face which, trust me, is not "just yelling"), used physical intimidation, used physical force, kicked me out (actually, that ex was usually the one who took me in), and other things.
Also, just because someone behaves badly, that doesn't mean another person is justified in acting worse.

[DriftingCrow]

I completely understand man, your mom shouldn't blame her horrible behavior on someone else, even if he wasn't good either. 

[Arch]

"Well, is this family good for me?"

Sheesh. Talk about deflection...I really do not know what to say except that I'm sending you patience vibes.

[Edge]

"Well, is this family good for me?"

Sheesh. Talk about deflection...I really do not know what to say except that I'm sending you patience vibes.

I need to learn patience.

I completely understand man, your mom shouldn't blame her horrible behavior on someone else, even if he wasn't good either. 

Thanks.

Your mother/family sounds psychotic o.o are you 18? can you call some kind of mental health services on them? or social services?

I hope you work out the situation ^^ You're not in the wrong~!

Haha! I'm 25. My dad has been getting treatment for mental illness since he was twelve (at least). According to him, it's for depression. The abuse got worse when he went off his meds, but could be because he had more energy.

[Athena]

No one should have to live with abuse period. Mental physical what ever it's all wrong.

[Edge]

No one should have to live with abuse period. Mental physical what ever it's all wrong.

Agreed. My point is that my mom was using my ex's behaviour as a justification for my family's behaviour which is illogical.

[Edge]

That's horrible I'm so sorry I hope you get out of that house soon (job, move out and so on) I really hope that, I don't think it's healthy for you to live in an environment like that~ in any case I wish you the best of luck ^^ if you ever want to talk you can always pm me ^^

Thanks, but actually, I've been out of that house for... six and half years? (I'm bad with time.) My mom just keeps wanting to maintain contact.

[suzifrommd]

Please tell me I am not the only one who thinks that is illogical.

It's completely defensive. She hasn't come to terms with her part in any of the abuse, so she's making excuses and deviating from the point.

[Edge]

It's completely defensive. She hasn't come to terms with her part in any of the abuse, so she's making excuses and deviating from the point.

I know. It's pathetic.

What?? and you... let her? Tell her her behaviour isn't okay and if that doesn't help cut all contact (maybe you should have already) and if she still keeps coming at you then that's harrassment and you can maybe take some legal steps to make sure she stays away... most people want to hold on to their family but if the family is abusive that might not always be the best solution~ you have to figure out what's best for you though! I hope it all goes well ^^

I didn't exactly let her, no. I am not a complete idiot. I had my reasons for maintaining contact so long as she followed my conditions. She didn't, therefore she is no longer allowed contact. Trust me, I am much harsher than you think and I am not most people.

[Edge]

Why would it worry me at all?

[Edge]

Nah. It's frustrates me that she is like this, but she can't do anything to me other than make me angry.