not on HRT, having growing irritability

[KabitTarah]

How do you conquer irritability? It seems as though mine has increased from once-in-a-while to nearly-constantly. I am not on anything and I have kids (#1 source). I'm positive the source of my irritability is from my family issues (I'm living out of the finished basement and don't get nearly the social, emotional activity I used to because of it).

I'm trying to reduce my stress, but it's going to be pretty high for a long time to come, I think.

[Tessa James]

My guess is that you are now facing issues with such gravity and consequence that it is quite normal to have an additional level of irritability and stress.  Knowing what you want and recognizing the mountains of hassle is tough and you are even tougher.
You have kids and that's enough to be distracted and off kilter for anyone.  You also see them grow up and you are in a potentially huge growth phase of life too.  Do what my mom told us; "go outside and play till you're tired and can sit still."  Seriously, exercise is the best antidote to stress after laughter.  Crank up some music and dance the nite away.

[Taka]

have you tried taking a break from stress and just play with the kids? playing with kids instead of acting overly responsible and trying to live up to an ideal that doesn't exist can help you live in the moment for a short while, and actually feels much more satisfying that what i can remember from time to time. i'm a single parent and experience a lot of stress and irritability, but seriously, playing with her instead of letting her annoy me by always demanding my attention, feels so much less stressful, it's almost fun.

[KabitTarah]

Two great ideas!
I did bring the kids out yesterday... the Zoo is always fun.
I'm also at the end of a weekend by myself with the kids - no matter how much we play, that's enough to make me tired and snappy.

And I think I'm going to start back up trying to relearn Tai Chi. I'm in a fairly quick weight loss regimen (which may make me more irritable - but only because I have so much more energy... the hunger hasn't affected me yet in 4 weeks), so I want to keep exercise light and not extreme (since the latter will not only make me want to eat, but probably grow muscles I don't want right before HRT). I also need to work on my flexibility.

Thanks!!

[Tessa James]

Dang just thinking about a diet makes me hungry and now I have you to blame Kabit!
But I know you are a responsible parent and will tuck us all in later with a bedtime story.
Honestly I love kids and they are easy to miss for me now that they are grown and gone on their way.
Those are some neat ages and I bet they still hold your hand in public?
I'll never forget the physic pain when my daughter told me I should start dropping her off a block from school.
In retrospect they seem to grow up fast and we get to remain a part of their lives without, hopefully, paying all the bills.

[KabitTarah]

Dang just thinking about a diet makes me hungry and now I have you to blame Kabit!
But I know you are a responsible parent and will tuck us all in later with a bedtime story.
Honestly I love kids and they are easy to miss for me now that they are gown and gone on their way.
Those are some neat ages and I bet they still hold your hand in public?
I'll never forget the physic pain when my daughter told me I should start dropping her off a block from school.
In retrospect they seem to grow up fast and we get to remain a part of their lives without, hopefully, paying all the bills.

re: diet, I don't know how I'm doing it, I mean other than by coming out of the closet. In fact... I deeply desire to respond to the question "how are you doing it?" by saying "well, I came out transgender, you could try that." All of my weight issues were related to hiding it... and I still have the benefits of T... gotta lose it all before I switch over! I couldn't even finish my salad tonight (they tend to be just meat and romaine, usually with homemade dressings from http://www.straightupfood.com -- tonight's was double meat because I've been very low cal all day, so that might explain it).

I love the kids so much... which is why I'm asking this. I really am very short with them lately, and I don't want to be... but I can't take all the 2 year oldness and 4 year oldness lately. My favorite is when they ask the same question 1,000 times over and over again. (No, you can't have a snack... I'm making dinner... close the pantry). My son (, on the other hand, is a big help and really kind of worried about what's going on - though he's also pretty well in the dark on it. He knows about my sleeping arrangements, though - the girls know but don't quite understand.

And the extended family issues are good and bad. Thank god I came out to my brother and SIL this weekend -- I now have allies in the family. My parents just add to my irritability in droves.

I've heard it can decrease on HRT... does the edginess go down with increased E and decreased T? (I'm REALLY looking forward to HRT right now... and I know it's a long time off  ).

[Taka]

i think the edginess goes down with hormone levels that fit your brain better, more t can have a calming effect on ftm.

you went to a zoo? i only do things like that when i want to wear myself out... one of my favorite things is staying at home knowing we'll be going nowhere for the entire weekend, and then make plans for what we can do at home. baking a cake, making something nice together. just lie on the floor and tell weird stories and answer the same question for the nth time with a tickle. pillow fights aren't bad either, when not being too hard on the pillows. it's always good when i can manage to do things with my daughter in such a way that she gets just as much of my attention as whatever it is i'm doing, like cooking. i only wish i was better at it, i'd be so much happier.

[KabitTarah]

i think the edginess goes down with hormone levels that fit your brain better, more t can have a calming effect on ftm.

you went to a zoo? i only do things like that when i want to wear myself out... one of my favorite things is staying at home knowing we'll be going nowhere for the entire weekend, and then make plans for what we can do at home. baking a cake, making something nice together. just lie on the floor and tell weird stories and answer the same question for the nth time with a tickle. pillow fights aren't bad either, when not being too hard on the pillows. it's always good when i can manage to do things with my daughter in such a way that she gets just as much of my attention as whatever it is i'm doing, like cooking. i only wish i was better at it, i'd be so much happier.

Yeah! The zoo is fun. It isn't all that tiring, tires the kids out, and it breaks up the weekend. It's much better than staying home and letting the tensions grow in all the kids!

Days at home are restful if I'm totally by myself. I don't remember such a time.... (Unfortunately those times may come again).

[Taka]

i'm lucky to have parents who like taking my daughter for trips. i can relax a little when she's with one of them, she's even been staying the night since she was really young. i don't think i'd be able to handle it without those occasional breaks.

[Tessa James]

Kabit I don't want to paint an unrealistically rosy picture but from my experience and from those I know here and on line being on HRT can produce a sense of calm, reduced tensions, inner peace and sometimes an emotional roller coaster too.  It's no panacea and of course just finally getting there is such a milestone and relief that we might even get euphoric, I did.  I smiled constantly and felt so huggy right with myself and let that driven, awful urgency in my life go away.  It is still just one step of many and may not be the most critical for you.  Plenty to think about!

[KabitTarah]

I understand. That matches what I heard - I'm really trying to get my social life (marriage, etc) figured out right now and I am definitely waiting on HRT for that. I imagine what I'm going through with some of the people close to me wouldn't be any better under HRT... probably worse, emotionally.


(EDIT: for details on some of it, read my blog)

[Tessa James]

Hey Kabit thank you for sharing your eloquent and thoughtful blog.  We had a series of transgender panel presentations here that i participated in and one college class was required to attend.  Several of the guys sat cross armed in the back asking those same tough questions about tampering with god's perfect design.
At the end of the presentation one of the guys came up to me and handed me his driver's license and said "what do you see?"  I replied that it appeared he was a lot heavier once.  He then told he actually had an "epiphany" as it occurred to him he had transitioned just like me.  Huh?  Turns out he had gastric surgery for morbid obesity and had intervened to save his life and change his appearance.  We hugged and I will treasure that experience a long time.
It is hard for some to empathize with us but not impossible.