Why is Dressing Up So Important

[Ciara]

Hi Everyone,
I have a question......
I'm sitting here at home with my hair and make up on. I'm dressed in a nice skirt and knitted cotton top. I'm looking at the girl in the mirror and I am so happy.
When I'm in male mode (which is most of the time) I'm happy with the girl inside but when I dress up it brings me to another level. Why is that???

To me, being a woman is more about understanding myself and loving the girl inside me. It is not about outward appearance. But yet, whenever I dress up en femme I look and feel so feminine.
Why is it so important to us girls that we dress up and look good?

It may be a silly question....I don't.  know.

Ciara

[Danielle Emmalee]

it lessens the dysphoria?

[Jenny07]

Not a silly question, but perhaps hard/impossible to give an easy answer.

Why to Cis people dress up and look nice, male and female?
Men it builds self confidence and ego. For women it makes them feel good and sexy as well as confidence.

However for us we have to dress in drag all day at work or before transitioning which really kills us inside and makes us miserable that we have to pretend to be some one we are not. While from the outside nothing appears wrong inside we are being tortured.
Dressing up allows us for a moment to drop the shackles of everyday and be ourselves.
If it is dressing up fully or just a bit it lessens our pain.
That's why we cant stop because the pain is so intense for most of us.

Oh the real reason, it's fun and feels sexy.

Hugs Jen

[Ciara]

Not a silly question, but perhaps hard/impossible to give an easy answer.

Why to Cis people dress up and look nice, male and female?
Men it builds self confidence and ego. For women it makes them feel good and sexy as well as confidence.

However for us we have to dress in drag all day at work or before transitioning which really kills us inside and makes us miserable that we have to pretend to be some one we are not. While from the outside nothing appears wrong inside we are being tortured.
Dressing up allows us for a moment to drop the shackles of everyday and be ourselves.
If it is dressing up fully or just a bit it lessens our pain.
That's why we cant stop because the pain is so intense for most of us.

Oh the real reason, it's fun and feels sexy.

Hugs Jen

Hi Jen,
I had never thought of it that way.....that we are actually dressed in drag every day. You are right, it lessens the pain even when I dress only a little. In male mode I don't care how I look. I generally wear old jeans and a shirt an mostly look thrown together. I take far more care when I'm dressed as me.

You are also right on your last point......It really is fun and it feels really sexy!!!!

Ciara.

[Jenny07]

Shifting perspective has really help me understand.
Over the last 6 months as I have gradually accepted it as my perspective changed and it makes so much more sense now.

If my therapist asks on the weekend I wonder what she will think about it.
First full session talking about my GD

I like my last point too
This is very true.

J

[Kia]

To me, being a woman is more about understanding myself and loving the girl inside me. It is not about outward appearance.

I agree that the majority of transition is an internal process involving self-understanding and self-love. But it's also a holistic process transition is all encompassing; part of loving yourself is looking like a version of yourself that you want to love.

[musicofthenight]

I shaped my eyebrows thinking it might make me look less masculine, but I like them a lot because they make me look less stern.  I hadn't realized it, but for the first time in years I can look in a mirror and my neutral expression looks the way I feel.

This makes me happy in ways I didn't know existed.

Maybe this is more important to someone non-binary like me, but I feel that the measure of success in transitioning is less "do I pass?" and more "am I me?"

[Taka]

it's a whole lot about recognizing what you see reflected in the mirror. it's always nice when it looks like how i feel. usually it doesn't, so i don't care too much about how i present. there's no way i could easily create the figure i want to see in the mirror.

[Ciara]

I shaped my eyebrows thinking it might make me look less masculine, but I like them a lot because they make me look less stern.  I hadn't realized it, but for the first time in years I can look in a mirror and my neutral expression looks the way I feel.

This makes me happy in ways I didn't know existed.

Maybe this is more important to someone non-binary like me, but I feel that the measure of success in transitioning is less "do I pass?" and more "am I me?"

It is strange (but nice) that as progress along our gender journey we find things that make us happy in ways we did not know existed.

Don't these discoveries of joy and happiness make everything so worthwhile!!!

[Lesley_Roberta]

It's easy, why do you put salt on your veggies? Why put icing on a cake?

Why put wax on a floor, and why polish a car?

There's nothing wrong with giving ourselves the deluxe experience and enjoying the added bonus.

I am a girl when I lie in bed with bed head, and I am a girl with my outfit squared away and my hair brushed. There's nothing wrong with enjoying our best effort.

Now I don't understand the obsession with fertilizing a lawn and treating it with weed killer all so it will grow nice and healthy all so we can bitch about needing to cut it 🙂 I think that's nuts. My perfect front yard is mainly all year round bushes, and trees and a zen look with a wall around it or maybe a hedge or both and almost no grass.

[MaryXYX]

Yesterday I was feeling really low, what with the divorce and no job and losing benefits and so on.  This morning I put on a very smart "Executive" sort of skirt with a nice top, then I chose the jewelery to go with it and spent some time on makeup, then I went to a social group.  I feel a lot better when I know I look good.

It's really too hot to be wearing it now but I'm about to go to my GP and I still want to look good.

[FTMDiaries]

However for us we have to dress in drag all day at work or before transitioning which really kills us inside and makes us miserable that we have to pretend to be some one we are not.

^ This. I've said this many times before, and it is also one of the main sources of the pain I experienced whilst growing up. Being forced to attend school in drag would be considered a form of child abuse, yet many of us had to suffer this every single day of our school careers... and beyond.

Pre-transition, the reality of our everyday presentation is at odds with how we feel inside. Dressing correctly allows us to see glimmers of our true selves that we don't normally get to see. It's very rare for many of us to like what we see reflected back in the mirror. I also know from some MtF friends that even doing something as simple as having painted toenails (which nobody can see) whilst in boy mode can be self-affirming and a great comfort.

[foreversarah]

I so much prefer wearing feminine clothes it feels right. But I don't necessarily hate wearing what an average guy wears - a jeans and a t-shirt. Girls still wear jeans and a t-shirt. As I have said, wearing feminine clothes is so much better.

Also, I can't deny that I love how I look wearing a blazer and a bowtie! Not the wearing of it, but how I look. It also gets a lot of attention from people, particularly girls. The bowtie is a tieable one and not a clip on one which kind of makes me feel better. It also probably relates to the fact that I learnt how to wear one in the week up to my sixth form prom, while my Granddad had also been a bowtie wearer (he could still tie an excellent one at 90). I guess it's a link to him and he was in hospital for two weeks up to the date of my prom and then he passed away a week later.

It also means I can play an excellent version of Matt Smith's Doctor in Doctor Who with my tweed jacket!

So I guess, despite being a male item of clothing, there's still an emotional link and I don't necessarily see the male/female divide in it.

[Terri]

I put on clothes every day to go to work that in my head belong to somebody else -- somebody who technically died the day I came out to myself.  They aren't my "clothes".  They are more like the "costume" I put on every day so that I can be accepted and function in everyday life and generate income.  When I can get away from that, and get dressed up in MY clothes it makes me feel more like ME and not such a fake, which of course is ironic because, as a woman who happens to have a penis the biggest worry (of course) is being perceived as a fake.  Thus the mental torture that is dysphoria.  Arghhh!!!!  It is wonderful to know that I am not alone.  I guess the one thing that has really changed for me in the more recent past as it pertains to getting dressed is that I have a much stronger desire to ditch the whoredrobe and build a wardrobe of everyday clothing that other women actually wear.  I guess this is just another step along my path.  Babysteps through the office -- babysteps through the door... I guess I'm living a very "What About Bob" kind of existence nowadays...

[Danielle Emmalee]

I put on clothes every day to go to work that in my head belong to somebody else -- somebody who technically died the day I came out to myself.  They aren't my "clothes".  They are more like the "costume" I put on every day so that I can be accepted and function in everyday life and generate income.  When I can get away from that, and get dressed up in MY clothes it makes me feel more like ME and not such a fake, which of course is ironic because, as a woman who happens to have a penis the biggest worry (of course) is being perceived as a fake.  Thus the mental torture that is dysphoria.  Arghhh!!!!  It is wonderful to know that I am not alone.  I guess the one thing that has really changed for me in the more recent past as it pertains to getting dressed is that I have a much stronger desire to ditch the whoredrobe and build a wardrobe of everyday clothing that other women actually wear.  I guess this is just another step along my path.  Babysteps through the office -- babysteps through the door... I guess I'm living a very "What About Bob" kind of existence nowadays...

I hope you don't stalk your therapist.

[Terri]

Hahaha - some days I feel like I need to!  Dr. Marvin!  Dr. Leo Marvin!!!

[Tessa James]

It is strange (but nice) that as progress along our gender journey we find things that make us happy in ways we did not know existed.

Don't these discoveries of joy and happiness make everything so worthwhile!!!

This is a great question and it boggled my mind when I first allowed myself to be fulltime as Tessa.  I did not and, most often, do not pass but what was unmistakable is finally seeing glimpses of that girl in the mirror others have referenced.  OMG I had no idea of the depth of feeling and profound relief it was to give in to being just me. 
It means validation to me.  It is not the clothes but how we can see ourselves in them.  I worried about that man in a dress image and my internalized transphobia magnified that when I met other transpeople who seemed garish or trying too hard.  I get it better now.  It matters little about that exterior presentation if we cannot accept that real internal self.
Yes, joyful discoveries and happiness are worthwhile results every single day for this girl.

[Taka]

for me, i think i mostly dress down. put on some really casual men's wear, look at my clothing and not too much in the mirror (i don't bind, so i wouldn't like the reflexion too much), brush off some imaginary dust... then take a deep breath and just relax.
life is wonderful when i don't force myself to appear feminine.

[Lyric]

In answer to the title, it's not to me. I'd just as soon be naked, I think. Clothes can be fun, but I don't take them very seriously.

You might want to look up the term "autogynophilia", though.

~ Lyric ~

[nepla]

Outside the home I still need to present male for a number of reasons.
However prior to HRT I really needed to dress up to feel the feminine self.
I started HRT about a year ago and as I progressed further into HRT and the physical changes started, the need seemed to subside. I still dress every so often but it is not the same kind of "need" anymore. The glimpses in the mirror now reflect a significantly more feminine stature and I also feel so much better within myself.
My undergarments and other non-obvious adornments are always female though and I have a reasonable woman's wardrobe at my disposal for whenever I feel like looking a bit more "glamorous".

By the way - I totally agree with your last paragraph Lesley Roberta - our garden is called "Wildwoods" and consists of paths through "woodland" with ponds and rivulets fed by recirculating water from the ponds all within a 1/2 acre suburban block. Visitors are often amazed at what we have developed and call it an oasis in the suburbs. (I "hate" mowing grass).