I don't like being touched?

[Joe.]

I didn't realise how weird this was until tonight. I hate being touched or hugged. I don't like it. If anyone hugs me, I feel extremely awkward and uncomfortable and my chest tightens. If someone puts their hand on my arm my whole body goes tense and I feel myself tightening up. I don't want to be like this and I don't know why I'm like this. If anybody touches me, even friends and family, I flinch. It got worse when I was mugged and they touched me. Now there are certain places I can't be touched because of the flashbacks. Before this I hated being touched though.. I don't know how I will cope in a relationship. Ive never had a relationship so it worries me. I want to be a good boyfriend and be able to hold my girlfriend, but how can I when it makes me feel so uncomfortable? Even if somebody online says *hugs* it makes me uncomfortable and nervous, even though it's meant to be reassuring. This brings me down.

[DriftingCrow]

It's not weird Joey, lots of people don't like being touched. Also, as you transition, yo might start to feel more comfortable in your body and start accepting when people touch you.

And, if you're in a relationship, just explain things to your girl and she should understand. Together, you can both work on making you comfortable and get you over your fears.

[Joe.]

Yeah you've got a point there. I'm not in a relationship at the moment but it's a good thing to bear in mind when I do get in one. I'm already feeling more confident with my body, but I don't think this is linked to my dysphoria. As a kid I know I was loved very much, but I wasn't shown much physical affection, which is where I think this has stemmed from. I was rarely hugged and if I was upset I was left to cry it out on my own. I became used to having to comfort myself. The only times I would have someone touch me was if they hit me (my parents never ever abused me, I'm talking about kids in school). I'm fine with a high 5, or if I put my hand up and my parents put their's up so the tips of our fingers touch, I find it much more comfortable than a hug.

[Beth Andrea]

It's not weird Joey, lots of people don't like being touched. Also, as you transition, yo might start to feel more comfortable in your body and start accepting when people touch you.

And, if you're in a relationship, just explain things to your girl and she should understand. Together, you can both work on making you comfortable and get you over your fears.

Well, ideally yes, but...when I was on an abuse survivors' board, it was quite common for SO's to break off the relationship once a traumatic memory or event came "out." Being kind, patient, and helping heal wounds are all major tasks, and most people aren't up to them, I'm sad to say.

Therapy does help, if you locate a good the*apist ( <--ever notice why I write it like that? Because of trauma. It's just freakin' electrons on a screen, but I see two words with evil meaning, an it reminds me of several events in my past).

I hope you can find out why you don't like hugs, or being touched.

[Darkie]

We were actually talking about this at my ASL study session tonight.  One of my classmates HATES to be touched.  She literally said the only people she really will touch is her child, and that is only because her daughter is 2 and constantly wants to be held.  But once the child comes to the age she doesn't constantly need physical contact, she's not going to let her touch her either.  I am a very cuddly touchy person, and I once gave a guy a hug at a con cause he looked unhappy.  He stiffened up and immediately said "Don't hug me." I thought he hated me or something but he went on to explain later he just doesn't like being hugged.  Ever.  So you aren't alone.

[Beth Andrea]

We were actually talking about this at my ASL study session tonight.  One of my classmates HATES to be touched.  She literally said the only people she really will touch is her child, and that is only because her daughter is 2 and constantly wants to be held.  But once the child comes to the age she doesn't constantly need physical contact, she's not going to let her touch her either.  I am a very cuddly touchy person, and I once gave a guy a hug at a con cause he looked unhappy.  He stiffened up and immediately said "Don't hug me." I thought he hated me or something but he went on to explain later he just doesn't like being hugged.  Ever.  So you aren't alone.

This is where a large part of the SO difficulty comes in...they blame themselves, "OMG what's wrong with me? Bubba/Jane doesn't like me hugging him/her anymore!", rather than understand that such rejection tells more about them, than you.

[Chaos]

As someone who can some what relate to this as well,i think its just fear of more damage.For me,my anxiety had rotted so long and so deep that it had done mental,emotional damage both.Now that my panic attacks are now psychotic rage episodes,this means that my triggers vary and instead of backing away in fear like with panic attacks,i now lash out and with harm (very bad harm) this includes touching.Trusting someone is the biggest step in overcoming it and your mind needs to know that there is someone who will not hurt you,because in a sense-this is what your expecting to happen.As i stated above,one of my triggers is grabbing or any form of force.A hug i can do but anything that feels negative to my mind as to supress or control,then thats when i will have an episode.though we have went through different things,the concept is still the same.Try working on things by people your heart knows wont hurt you and what your mind is afraid of.Do you trust anyone? and can you work with them every few days in order to (at least) touch those you can trust emotionally? i also flinch and jump at sudden and loud noises and one reason i hate very loud thunder.I have learned that the mind and heart can not co-exist and they battle constantly but fear and anxiety are just from a broken mind that gave to much time and effort and now needs repairing but the heart still beats strong and remains intact.Trust your heart with this one.i have faith in you!

[Tossu-sama]

Hey, I don't like being touched and I don't even have a reason for it. It's gotten slightly better over the years but even so, my fiancé is the only one who can hug me and who I will hug without feeling extremely awkward and uncomfortable. Some years ago even shaking hands was an unwanted thing to me but I got over it somehow.
And this seriously goes to the point that I don't like my relatives hugging me, not even my Mom.

[big kim]

I hate it too Joey.If anyone touches me I flinch and find it uncomfortable,if anyone touches my tits or ass I've beat the snot out of them

[FTMDiaries]

I hate it too. I have social anxiety due to Asperger's, which makes any form of physical contact deeply uncomfortable and shocking for me. I was also raised without physical affection, so it's very weird when someone tries to touch me.

But I found that once I started my first serious relationship, I became ok with him touching me occasionally. I discovered that I could trust him to not hurt me, so I'd start letting him touch me more & more, until eventually I turned into a human limpet, clinging to him for dear life.

It was great hugging him because I could trust him. He became part of my 'safe space'. And it's great hugging my kids too. But I still can't stand being touched by strangers.

[YBtheOutlaw]

maybe it is connected with the dysphoria. i too have the same problem. i don't like being kissed on the cheek either. yes i feel awkward when someone says *hugs* online. i flinch everytime somebody hugs or touches me anywhere, even mom and dad. i dont like touching others either, and i stay at hands distance with touchy people. my parents are nice people and they used to cuddle me a lot, and i was kinda chubby as a kid so many people liked hugging and cuddling me. (my relatives still do, and thats one of the reasons i dont like hanging around with them) my point is, i still hate hugging and childhood physical caring had no effect on it. anyway, when it comes to relationships, i totally adored any physical contact with my crush. i would intentionally lean towards her or hold out my hand to touch her. i dont know how to explain that deviation.

[Shantel]

Joey,
    I don't think you are unusual for not wanting to be touched, especially since you came from a family that wasn't all touchy and cuddly. My spouse is much the same, we quit going to church because she hated being hugged by people. She came from a family who has strong British roots and isn't the least bit demonstrative of any kind of affection and is the exact polar opposite of me and my background. But even though I am a hugger and kisser I absolutely cringe when someone I either don't know or dislike steps inside a two foot radius which is my comfort zone. So what you're experiencing isn't unusual and has more to do with familial conditioning. Let me assure you that once you fall in love with someone you will be able to lower your barrier little by little until you feel OK with it. After 44 years together there are still times when my S.O. doesn't want to be touched, I understand that and am sensitive to her needs. You'l be OK Joey, don't worry!

[CalmRage]

I want to be hugged sometimes, but if one does hug me, i want to immediately break free of it. I am very emotional, passionate, tolerant and understanding, something that most people on this stupid planet lack. I wish humanity would just die out, we destroyed this planet and killed our so-called "best friends" to have food and pelts. We suck.

I hate mankind. Man is a monster.

[Joe.]

Thank you everyone. I'm so glad I'm not alone in this. I thought there was something wrong with me. I just don't want it to affect my life forever. Thank you for having faith in me though everyone. It's funny, because I hate people touching me, but all I want sometimes is a hug to make me feel better, I just know that the hug is never coming so I throw up this wall as a defence mechanism. I hate seeing people whose parents and friends hug them and it's all fine. It's jealousy and now it's made me so uncomfortable with myself and scared of being touched.

[Shantel]

Thank you everyone. I'm so glad I'm not alone in this. I thought there was something wrong with me. I just don't want it to affect my life forever. Thank you for having faith in me though everyone. It's funny, because I hate people touching me, but all I want sometimes is a hug to make me feel better, I just know that the hug is never coming so I throw up this wall as a defence mechanism. I hate seeing people whose parents and friends hug them and it's all fine. It's jealousy and now it's made me so uncomfortable with myself and scared of being touched.

It's ok hon, you'll get past it when the time is right!