Boss at Work, What do you recommend

[Rachel]

My boss today said, "you just need to accept you no longer are an Engineer". This is in reference to hormones and being Trans*. For a second I could not believe what I heard. Then I said no, hormones enable me to be verbal and express myself and has nothing to do with engineering. Like last Friday when I stood up in front of a committee and did a lessons learned. He said it was very informative and helpful. I said I am also learning when someone gets  defensive like XXX did and I backed off and stop.

Background, two weeks ago in a meeting with him and another when pushed and he pushed hard and several times I expressed my true feelings about capital budges, current 7 year plans and the inadequacies and how planned systems were poorly designed and executed. He said why didn't I go to him and I did and when, what was said and who was there and he did not listen.

I apologized to him that Monday in an e-mail and later in person.

I screwed up big time by telling it the way it is;  seldom is the blunt truth a gift. I lack tact when pushed and need to be more kind. 

Ok, I love what I do, where I work and my Boss. What do you recommend? I need your advise, this has been chewing at me. Since being on hormones I find it easy to express but very hard to not say too much when pressed. This is the one area hormones has been difficult. I am in a high stress job.

[Kaelin]

If you're basically fired already and have nothing to lose, talk to Human Resources where you've worked.  Or even if you're not, still talk to HR.  If your place has a good HR department, they'll happily try to resolve the problems in a constructive manner.

[Murbella]

Yeah, personally if something like that were ever uttered where I work there would be all sorts of follow up by the HR organization and the job would become very uncomfortable if not ended for the person that said it.  Assuming that wasn't taken out of context, that is equivalent to saying estrogen and engineering do not mix and I know many many women would would disagree.  You may not have stated your case in the most tactful manner but that is no excuse for his words.

[Rachel]

Thank you.for your help.

I was really upset yesterday. I spoke to him today and he seamed ok. I think I will ask for clarification. Perhaps he was thinking of something else. Maybe he was not putting me down. Maybe he was saying I was thinking like an Engineer and needed to think Infrastructure in a strategic way. I took is as estrogen = not engineer and maybe he meant think strategically. Perhaps I am too sensitive on the topic. I should have asked a clarifying question. Now I feel a bit embarrassed. We had only moments to converse and it was in a rush.

Maybe be was advising me to grow.

[Gene]

Forgive but don't forget. It's possible he did mean it since women are so rare in the field and many men still believe that women can't do certain jobs.

[Taka]

if you are an engineer, then you will be one forever (given that you have all your papers and education in order). if he meant that you don't work as one right now, like you're hired as a strategist or something, then he really should choose his words a little better. i'd have gotten venomous at a remark like that. i walk this world pretending to be a cis woman (i'm faab), and i seriously can't stand that type of sexism, especially since i grew up at a farm where i learned to do a man's job. it's something real women do... my step sister is also an engineer, so it would be insulting to her as well. if he meant it the sexist way.

don't let him get away with any comments like that again without either clarifying that he really meant something else, or apologizing. use any resources you have as a woman (something for rabid feminists to work on). i've yet to meet a man who can overrule a woman who's set her mind to something. (only other women can do that, and unfortunately some often do.)

[Rachel]

I am a licensed Professional Engineer. I am also a Department Head ( for now) and as such may have taken the comment wrong. I will have a conversation with him first chance to clarify the comment. We were rushed and had no more time to review. If it was a role comment then fine. If it was sexist then it is toxic and I will need help. Perhaps I could show him a bit of my world.