Quote from: Shantel on September 15, 2013, 07:29:31 PM
This thing that LtL has brought up brings to mind something that has been fermenting in the back of my brain. There are a lot of members here most of whom we never hear from after half a dozen posts or so. I don't think it's anyone's fault, but I do think that when a person's comments get ignored and there never seems to be any responses, that person feels like they are somehow being marginalized and ignored on purpose. I just want to point out that it's not necessarily true, that lots of others have read their posts and it just may be that no-one has anything substantive to add to it and they move to the next topic. Unfortunately sometimes those folks feel lonely not realizing that here at Susan's they are standing in a crowd, and so sadly they lose heart and leave.
Personally I'm sorry to see that happen because I've had those feelings before too and they are just that, feelings and we all need to realize that though we have made some terrific commentaries at times that no-one noticed or responded to, that we aren't really the center of the universe after all and it's OK. So everyone who ever gets those feelings, think of this and of the terrific response that LtL is getting from her friends. Everyone here is a valuable and worthy human being who unknowingly has dozens of admirers here at Susan's who will surely miss them if they should feel out in left field and suddenly leave.
This is something I try to be very conscious about. Whenever I see a serious topic with little feedback, it sort of crushes me. While some topics may appear redundant to us, they are brand new for others. It's important that new members get the feedback and support that they need. So I always make a point to contribute whatever I can, as long as it's sincere and honest. Still, I don't have the answers for everyone (I don't have them for myself) and my perspective can differ greatly from others. That's sort of why I feel concerned about the possibility that my posts can be detrimental. I find myself thinking things like ..."did I give inadequate support? Did my posts contribute to others feeling negative or like they aren't getting adequate support here?" That's why I feel a bit hesitant to post. I just want to be helpful and make others feel that they are getting support even if my own individual contributions are small due to the limitations in my experiences and the circumstances of my life. For example, if someone is having trouble with their spouse, I face the dilemma of leaving them with little or no feedback or offering a limited response. I've never been married and won't ever have to come out to a spouse. I can only share anecdotal stories that I know because others have experienced it or I can try to make a loose comparison to my coming out to my parents and sisters but obviously that is different for a multitude of reasons. So do I give the most honest and helpful response that I can even if it is limited or do I allow that post to go nowhere and that person feeling dejected? I feel that the former is the better scenario, but what if I'm wrong? I'll never pretend to have answers that I don't have, but I try to give as much as I can even if it's only a little. Yet, perhaps some of my terse contributions may upset some people? What if my posts leave them feeling like no one understands them or their situation? Also, even in the situations that I do have direct experience with, I may find myself given my perspective when someone's circumstances greatly differ despite the similarities. I don't want someone to feel like I am saying "do this" or "this is the only way". Nor do I want them to feel like no one else can relate to them. There have been some situations that have made me feel cautious about posting, and I've received feedback which have proven my concerns right. So I feel
cautious about posting and having unintended effects on people. Perhaps I need to get over this. Then again, I can't help but think of some of the posters who have left the site. I find myself wondering about whether I added to their frustration or feelings of isolation on the site. Even when I did my best to give support or try to offer whatever capacity of help that I could provide, maybe it would have been best for me to shut up. My confidence is at a low, so I don't know.
In any event, I'm not going to leave, but I do admit that I feel weird posting. I just don't know if these fears are worth paying attention to or if I should just continue doing my thing (so to speak). I suppose I'm being to analytical and allowing my lack of self confidence to crush me.
Anyway, thanks again everyone for reading my incoherent ramblings and for your feedback.
