Ok, got it and got the PRAAT software that Jenny suggested. Does anyone know how to use that properly to analyze for pitch and resonance?
I just tried it in default mode and it gave me devastating numbers. Now first of all I dug a bit in my muscle memory and pulled out my old speaking voice from before transition to get sort of a reading on what was my "normal" voice as in not altered at all. It gave me 110 with a range going even lower. Whoa - thats low. Male range is 100-150, I am at the lower end. :,( . Then to regular voice I use when relaxed and among friends. I do control resonance there a lot and pitch a bit. about 130 Hz. I expected 160 or so. So on to the voice I use when I am aware of the voice issue and consciously change resonance and pitch. 160 Hz. now that is at least androgynous then - sort of. Not cool. Then I tried to get to 200 Hz as this is what people say is average for women. I can manage that but in my head it sounds like I am doing too much high pitch and it is a strain on my throat a bit. It sounds quite ok in recording though, but I would so not really use that voice outside my room. I noticed that whenever I am around others, more so with good friends, my voice drops, probably from the 160 range to the 130 range.
So no wonder I got misgendered recently and a kid asking me why I have the voice of a boy. I think I had a higher pitch during transition but then lost that somehow again. In part because it was a bit of a strain on the throat and because I did not think of it any longer as I stopped thinking about trans stuff in general and focussed on life again. The only thing that really puzzles me is then maybe how I could keep passing with 130Hz - on how many occasions did I "blow it" without knowing it by just opening my mouth.
Ok, so now two things first - i need a bit of help in how to use the PRAAT to get proper results and not misreadings. Also I need some help on how to properly use it for voice training like checking if resonance is good, what pitch really is (A friend of mine talked into it in a really deep voice and it read 180Hz - so clearly one can produce misreadings).
And then I guess I will have to do something with that. Probably will need a voice training in real life, preferrably not just trying it again by myself and maybe get strain again. But the 110 Hz - that really shocked me. Even as I read the stuff on the girls going to Korea for VFS, they raise the pitch by something like 50-80 Hz depending on how much pitch control one uses later. So even if I would dare that one, I would get barely into the lowest range for female voices. Sigh. Plus I have another issue with that and that is that my upper range seems to be out at a bit over 400 Hz. So I have not much room at the top. Darn. I hate my voice.
So for now besides the rant, all I can do is get infos on the PRAAT and get myself a good voice therapist.