Social dysphoria vs. Physical dysphoria

[AdamTheRealBoy]

So, I was wondering about how many people experience more social dysphoria rather than bodily.
I've read mostly about how transgender people go through some severe dysphoria with their body, but personally, I don't have as much a problem with my body as I do when people use the wrong pronouns/call me my birth name or names like "daughter" and "sister."
I get an occasional bout of distress from my chest, but binding curbs most of it, and the constant thought of "don't look in the mirror, and DON'T look down" when I undress, and being an FtM, my genitals don't bother me much besides the occasional thought of "agh, I wish I had a penis."

Have any of you guys had a similar experience with this?
(Excuse any spelling mistakes, getting a bit sleepy!)

-Adam






Edited improper language.

[DriftingCrow]

Hi Adam:

While I do have some body dsyphoria, I do think more of mine is social, though things like "she" and birth name don't really bother me. Its more of the way people treat women that bothers me, calling me "sweatie", the paternalistic over sight, etc. etc.

Henry

[Lo]

I'm in the same boat as LearnedHand.

Pronouns and name don't bother me nearly as much as being "seen" as a category of person who's supposed to do/like/dislike/be this or that. I don't want people to look at me and tailor their discourse and language to be relevant to the gender they see. I don't want predetermined expectations about where I want to be in 10 years and where my priorities are, big and small. Pronouns just box me into one or the other, so getting "she"d is no better than getting "he"d. I'm a bag of meat with limitless potential in every conceivable way.

That said, I do get some very minor body dysphoria related to gender. I fix that by binding (it has the unfortunate side effect of making me hyper-aware of everything I do while wearing it; suddenly everything I am is politicized as soon as I wish to be seen without that secondary sex characteristic) or wearing "men's" clothes. At least if I'm going to be interpreted as a lesbian or a tombooy, the heteronormative assumptions concerning what I'm all about disappear which is better than nothing. The dialogue is widened, or at least shifted, by how I present and what body parts I chose to "remove" from my person.

[Confused_Katie]

Same thing for me as Lo and LearnedHand. It's especially hard in my university classes where I am usually the only female, and because of that I can tell that the professor treats me differently. On top of that, a lot of the other students (most of whom are introverted/socially-awkward males) act differently around me and shy away from me because I'm a "girl." I suck at making friends as it is. It gets to me a lot more than any body dysphoria I have.

[BeefxCake]

Oh hey what you described is me.

I get mostly dysphoric when im around men. Heck they can be young men, old men, scrawny men, tubby men. And i just feel so disgusting i dont even know how to describe it. Like this intense gross jealousy.

At the same time when guys approach me to talk i really sort of open up, i feel so comfortable talking to guys. Especially if they are my age. Older men i usually become extremely reserved and feminine. I nervously giggle because i dont want to come off as too headstrong i guess. Since i dont know them personally and im not exactly trying to pass as male.

I get dysphoric about my body only a bit. My boobs are small but before shark week they usually get a little bigger and get sad and depressed. Im also this way about my rear, i dont have very wide hips but my butt makes it look like i do and theres no way i can pass with that kind of booty. Also i dress so tacky because im uncomfortable with the curves i have on my body. I just wanna hide em under baggy shirts and long shorts. So then im all depressed i look like trash cuz im trying to hide under clothes because im self consious. What a gross feeling.

[FTMDiaries]

Social dysphoria is my biggest problem. I was always majorly bothered by pronouns, name, and the everday condescending misogyny that comes with being perceived as a female. My social transition has brought me a great deal of comfort.

But I do also suffer very badly from physical dysphoria, to the extent that I avoid mirrors wherever possible. I bind my chest, which helps tremendously... but my biggest source of physical dysphoria is what my mother once referred to as my 'child-bearing hips'. I hope T and exercise will reduce them to a reasonable size, but unfortunately I have gynaecoid hips so the bones are going to flare no matter what I do.

I don't particularly mind shark week, and I'm not massively dysphoric about my lack of bottom parts; I'm just looking forward to getting them so that I can get on with the business of being a gay man.

[suzifrommd]

Definitely me.

My dysphoria was largely social. That has changed since I've gone full time. I only have social dysphoria when I'm misgendered.

Oddly, though, as I've altered my body to feminize and realize just exactly how feminine it could be, I've been experience more body dysphoria.

[Natkat]

I got more social dysphoria, even when I also used to have cheast dyshoria.

I somehow link my body dyshoria to social dyshoria, meaning if im a place where it totally fine being trans and everything then I dont experience it, but if im somewhere where its not acceptable being trans then I feel more dyshoric to my body.

[anjaq]

I am not FtM but for me physical dysphoria was larger than social. I hated my physical gender a lot. Socially it was not that hard on me as my family did not press me into rigid social gender stereotypes, there it was mostly the lack of regular female friends after puberty that bugged me, but doing some things with the nerd guys that were mostly my friends was cool too. Social stress came mostly with transition actually as at that time I did not want to be perceived in the old way anymore, thus at some point I was getting really mad at people for calling me wrong pronouns or name. Originally however definitly physical dysphoria was bigger and was what drove me to look for HRT before even doing  the social switch and for SRS as soon as it was possible and justifyable. After HRT and SRS are now over a decade in the past, I have much less physical dysphoria. sometimes I see the "old face" in the mirror, as probably many do - I am more concerned about having gained so much weight when it comes to not feeling good about my body - but thats not trans related anymore.

[Lesley_Roberta]

Being an extrovert, a VERY definite extrovert, I don't think I am really capable of experiencing social dysphoria.

But my expectations for my physical self are driving me nuts.

I want to wake up in the morning and NOT need to pay attention to a common male body complaint. I have no idea if any persons locked in a female form experience this. Granted, I am not stuck dealing with a menstrual cycle, so I suppose that is a fairly good equal aggravation. I doubt they are fun, but at least it is a woman's hell and not a man problem.

It's not like I want a life free of aggro, I just don't want aggro that a man has to cope with eh.

My face in the mirror is also too much the nuisance. I try to avoid being in one (mirror).

It's good I love bubble baths, as they at least allow me to relax and not see anything I don't want to see.

Not having a bust is a real drag as it does tend to scream out the wrong messages, and it makes some outfits a hassle to wear correctly.

When I get te hair barrier solved, I can assure you, people will need to cope with me having a bust even if I have to fake them. I am NOT wearing a dress and being male shape chest looking.

I'd rather people comment about me looking ->-bleeped-<- or any other slur, than commenting about me being a man in a dress. If I am going to have trouble, at least I will pick the specific nature of the trouble eh.

[Randi]

I'm MTF and with me it's mostly physical dysphoria.  I really needed to have breasts, smooth skin and a larger, rounded derriere.  Thanks to estrogen, I now have those.

As my breasts began to bud I would wake each morning, put my feet on the floor, cup my burgeoning breasts and silently ask them: "Where were you when I was 14 years old and all the other girls were getting theirs?".

I still get pangs of jealously when I encounter women.  Not just beautiful young women, but women of all types.  I wonder why they were born the way I so much want to be.  Why do I have a male body that makes me so uncomfortable?

Feeling the weight of my breasts, or the jiggle when I drive across some railroad tracks or a bump in the road is a great solace to me.

I live in a University town and last weekend I was walking alone near a group of college girls.  One of them said "He's a lesbian".   I'm pretty sure she was referring to me.  So in male clothes, I look like a dyke.  That made me feel very good!   I don't mind dressing male, or being gendered male, but I find it particularly satisfying that some young women see that I am female attempting to look like a man (and failing).

In summary, I need to be in a female body.  When I get out of the shower and look in the mirror I need to see a woman.  It doesn't matter to me what sort of clothes I wear.  Like Madonna or Marlene Detrich, I can be a woman in men's clothes.   First and foremost I need to be a woman.

Randi