Curiosity: Being less safe

[Renee]

I don't worry so much about it. I do practice caution in some instances, but then where I live, I'd have to really go out of my way to find trouble in general.  Even working til 10 at night in a convenience store for two years was ok and some of the people that lived near the store did keep an eye out for me. Also, people I know have called me at the store to tell me there was a vehicle parked at the side of the building where I couldn't see it when they drove by. They just wanted me to be aware it was there so I could stay safe.

I do keep a gun in the house and my dog will go nuts if anyone comes to the door or makes noise outside. Very good relations with my neighbors makes me feel safer too, plus one is a retired deputy.

[Tessa James]

And then there is the marsh monster that you can unleash?

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

I am an American and I don't carry a gun.  I don't like them, but some do and that is their business.  For me, it is all about keeping an eye out and possible escape routes.

I rarely go out at night unless I can drive.  At night, if one can, go in a group.

[Renee]

And then there is the marsh monster that you can unleash?

I also carry a personal protection bear. He's a fierce little polar bear that lives in my purse and on the desk when I'm at work.




And by the way, I haven't actually worn that much makeup in four years, so that tells you how old that particular pic is. Aging hasn't been kind to me...

[Tessa James]

Adorable and ever so handily transportable!

[anjaq]

Well - how to deal with that - just like any other woman in my area. In the city and subways and suburbian trains it is fairly safe, so I dont worry that much at all. When I was younger and presumably more attractive I carried a pepper spray in my jacket, just in case. When there was a newspaper report about a rape in the neighboring town I did like everyone else take extra care not to walk alone without pepper spray at night until there was no such news for a while. When I am alone in a suburban train in the late evening and some guys come in, I keep an eye on them and try to estimate if they are ok. The creepiest thing it to walk alone in the dark from the train station home - I keep an eye on everything there. But as this is a safe area, I do not worry too much. I worked as a security woman for some time shortly after transitioning (yeah I know I am weird doing such a thing after getting out of the male stuff, but thats me ) and at that point learned at least how to deal with some minor advances of drunk people. I think me not being tiny helps - I am not tall, but a bit sturdy. I am not sure if this really works but when I go alone in the dark I sometimes just pull up the hood of my wide unisex jacket and hope that any attacker would not know if I was a guy or girl and better not risk it. Doesnt help against robbery or something like that but I think in respect to being more vulnerable as a woman than a man, the main concern is rapists.

[Jamie D]

No Jamie - I say that because my "transition" (such as it was) took place when I was literally FIVE! So I've lived pretty well all of my just over 50 years as a female. I did have a slight hiccup in my late teens when a doctor wouldn't play ball with timely corrective surgery - but that was eventually all sorted, and anyway I'd been pretty well raised and socialised as a girl from dot. Also if you're talking about medical treatment an surgery - for me that was all over and past history nearly 30 years ago!!! and the only operations I'm likely to attend these days are ones which I am performing myself (on a patient).

Well then, you really have identified as female for your whole life.  I can hardly remember anything prior to the age of five, and then only the most traumatic things.

[Eva Marie]

As a guy I never felt in any kind of danger being out and about at any time. I just did not worry about it.

The first time I went out en femme the situation was (to my surprise) totally different - it was just getting toward evening time and I was in a part of town that I was unfamiliar with,  headed to a LGBT bar to meet some friends. I was nervous and very, very edgy about my safety.

I suddenly *got it* - I understood one of our sisters fears, and one of the things that they live with every day being women.

Now when I'm out in girl mode I'm MUCH more aware of the people around me and I'm careful about where I go.

My transition seems to be full of these moments of sudden understanding of things that I never ever considered before.

[Carrie Liz]

I try not to think about it that much.

I don't want to live my entire life in fear, constantly worrying and planning everything around not being the victim of a crime.

My mom says that I trust people way too much. She's a complete worrywart, to the point that she won't even open the trunk of her car when parking in a public place because she's scared to death that someone has binoculars and is peering in and will see the valuable goods inside and break in. I just roll my eyes. I refuse to be that paranoid.

[MaidofOrleans]

I try not to think about it that much.

I don't want to live my entire life in fear, constantly worrying and planning everything around not being the victim of a crime.

My mom says that I trust people way too much. She's a complete worrywart, to the point that she won't even open the trunk of her car when parking in a public place because she's scared to death that someone has binoculars and is peering in and will see the valuable goods inside and break in. I just roll my eyes. I refuse to be that paranoid.

Our culture and media are way too inundated with violence, crime, death and destruction to the point where its made everyone overly paranoid to the point of being dangerous.

[Stella Stanhope]

Hi there everyone!

Interesting comments. I am concerned that when on HRT, I may loose a sense of confidence in defending myself or simply being comfortable in potentially dangerous areas. Even the most boyish/tough cis-girls I have dated or befriended tend to get frightened or cautious alot sooner than the cis-guys do. Perhaps testosterone overides these worries and simply makes males feel more invisible, regardless of their actual physical presence or fighting prowess?

As for myself - I've been in an interesting position, as I had stunted growth as a kid, right up until my mid-20's. So I didn't tend to have much in the way of male privilege socially. I also got followed home a few times when I was in my early-mid 20's. As from behind or in low-light, I looked like a young girl. This has pretty much ceased now that I'm in my late 20's, especially now my hairline is reeceding and my skin is now very guyish, despite the fact that I'm still well within the female-build range.
If I was on HRT, perhaps I'd be going back to the days when I had some issues with being out on my own, or in potentially dangerous places.

I wish I could carry a gun. And I don't have my hand-taser anymore. I guess it'll have to be self defence classes for me. Or I great creative with the uses of meat mallets, staplers and other potentially scary stationary :-)

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

scary stationary?

^_^

[suzifrommd]

I am really wondering how you MtF's deal with this. I mean, you have been living in the relatively safe world of being a guy for at least x many years. And now as you transition, you'll be drawn into the world of women, which is as much as a blessing for you all as it can be a curse. How do you deal with this?

It is not much different. I was a skinny guy who didn't scare anyone. I felt very vulnerable in isolated situations, a dark street, empty parking lot, etc. If I encountered trouble, there's no way my (slightly) masculine strength would have helped me. My only option ever was to take to my feet. (Fortunately, being thin, there isn't much to weigh me down so I can move my body at a good clip if I have to.)

It's easier now as a woman. People don't automatically assume that I feel safe all the time.

[Hideyoshi]

I can't afford a 9mm at the moment or else I'd definitely carry one... I have a shotgun for home defense but I can't exactly carry that in my purse >.<

I don't go out at night all that much and I don't live in a bad area, so I'm not that concerned anyway

[Kate G]

Hello girls,

I hope I don't violate any rules by posting here as a dude. I sincerely apologize if I did!

I'm a very curious person, and this question has been on my mind for a bit. When I was still presenting as a girl, one of the biggest things I hated was the fact that you can (more) easily become a victim of a crime. I never lived in very dangerous parts of my country, but my parents always had double standards towards me and my brothers. They were allowed to grab their bikes and go home, or bike back home later at night in the dark while they insisted I had someone accompany me. It is understandable, of course. Girls are at risk of rape, and you have lunatics everywhere. But for me, it was one of the biggest dealbreakers of being a girl. Why can't I be completely free and safe just like guys? Why should I even need protection just because I was considered to be a girl, and was weaker in case of an attack.

I am really wondering how you MtF's deal with this. I mean, you have been living in the relatively safe world of being a guy for at least x many years. And now as you transition, you'll be drawn into the world of women, which is as much as a blessing for you all as it can be a curse. How do you deal with this?

- A very curious Transguy

When people began to experience me as female on a regular basis I experienced a reality shift where I became aware that I could no longer do certain things without compromising my safety.  Prior to this when I was struggling to begin transition my M2F girlfriend went on an angry rant about how I had so much male privilege.  I understand that as a male I was less likely to be a victim of rape but I was a lot more likely to be a victim of suicide or just dying because of living recklessly.  So for me there was no trade-off, I traded up.  When I had "male-privilege" my life was so miserable I was ready to die at any time.  My M2F girlfriend was pretty much an awful person or rather someone with a lot of "issues".

I have heard trans women talk about wanting to carry guns and knives.  I guess part of it is where you live or personal circumstances and I am not anti-gun but I think part of it might occasionally be the sense that the trans woman in question refuses to give up a level of power that she had prior to transition, maybe?  It's a complex issue.  Personally I am so terrified of Gestapo and Homlande Sekurity that I try to avoid any reason for them to shoot me.  Where I live the police are a lot scarier than the criminals and a lot more prevalent.

[Teela Renee]

I deal with it same as any country girl does.  I carry some big iron on my hip. Aggress on me in anyway and your looking down the nose of my Snub nose Colt Python .357 magnum.