Thanks everyone. This has all be very helpful. You gave me a lot to consider and discuss with my therapist tomorrow!
Quote from: Just Shelly on September 22, 2013, 10:48:35 PM
Your sister sounds like a wonderful person!!
This reminds me slightly of an interview with Cher I seen earlier today. They asked her about her son Chaz, she said it took awhile to get use to what was happening, as she kept talking she never said her or him....I was getting a bit worried wondering how she really felt. Then at the end she mentioned in her usually sarcastic funny way...."hell I still use the wrong pronouns, but he's definitely a man!! I could completely understand what she meant. I felt vey good for Chaz. It is so hard for people so close to call you the proper pronouns. I have been FT for over 2 years now, my children still call me him quite a bit, it does hurt because they don't treat me like a "him" they're just so use to it. I can't blame them, but I do correct them and say I am not referred to as him anywhere else!!
Your sister is right, your not going to just wake up one day! My transition took over 3 years before I came out and then a little longer before I went FT. I took everything very slow and never marked a day I would do something or remember when I did do something significant. I was even still was working as him after my legal name change....though not for long. I could of went FT a year before I did since I was being gendered female even when people knew my very typical man name, I also stopped being gendered male on the phone even though I didn't think my voice changed that much. This is how gradual I took things. The voice was the biggest fear, I refused to fake my voice for the rest of my life. The thing is I am faking it but it doesn't seem that way, even if I get very lazy and just relax my voice it still sounds like a woman's.
I'm not a big believer of just changing over in one day, I don't think it's fair to the ones that love you. Even when I did go FT I still kept things mellow.....though I' m not overly girly to begin with...but definitely not a tomboy. The biggest noticeable change I made more present was the fact I had breasts, this was very scary at first...since I tried to hide them for the past year!! I didn't wear any low cut tops, its just they were now out in the open!! Beyond that I didn't wear dresses, paint my nails, wear a lot of jewelry, I was frankly pretty drab for a women. I did this so to not shock the ones I loved. After about 6 months of being slightly drab I got to the point close to where I am now....though I still didn't wear any skirts or dresses. I am now at the point where I own 4-5 dresses and the same for skirts but wear them sparingly, but I like the fact I can when I want and do go through stages where I will wear a dress or skirt 2-3 times in a week.
The biggest challenge I have is convincing myself I am nothing of a man any more....I am a woman!! some trans are more secure with their selves even though others may not see them as much as a woman as they do...and quite frankly they don't blend in 100% but they are 100% secure with their selves, I envy them!!. I have had much of the opposite happen, I have had people that found out and don't believe, or people very close to me say the same thing Cher said about her son, even my children do not see me as nothing but a woman, they do still call me dad but they treat me 100% as woman, I have had instances happen that should eliminate any thoughts that I appear as anything but a woman, one that included my ex .....so then why can't I do the same for myself!!
The hardest part of being trans is convincing yourself, its harder for some if others don't see them the same as they do, but then it may be easier since they may be more comfortable being trans....but for someone like me "the so called passable" I can't get over the fact I use to be a man. I think its harder since I don't want to be known as trans...I just want to be an ordinary woman. I realize it's been just over two years but I fear this feeling will never go. I can guarantee not a single cis person goes around thinking "I wonder if they know I use to be a ......". I feel the few small things that still happen don't help, even my sister who has the view similar to Cher still says little things that make me feel like she thinks of me as a man, its not the mis-gendering (which isn't often) its just the attitude certain times. I find that I just don't want to be around anyone that knew me as him, but that's impossible!!
I have heard some say that they couldn't appear as a man if they tried. I don't believe this to be true. I think I could pull off appearing as a man fairly well.....acting I don't know! I do wonder though if I went out as "him" would I pass....I sometimes think I need to try this just to convince myself that I am a woman!!
Thanks for sharing. Yeah, my sister is great. I know I can count on her; even if she drives me crazy at times, she'll be there for me and I'll be there for her. I'm lucky. In any event, I have no problem "seeing" myself as a female, but allowing others to see me as a female is very scary. At the end of the day, I just want acceptance and not to get hurt.
Quote from: A on September 23, 2013, 12:53:23 AM
Your sister is on to something. If you wait for hormones to make you feel satisfied and confident while you're not even trying, there's a 99 % chance you'll never do anything.
That said, 3 months of decent HRT isn't nearly enough to be saying that you should just stop waiting for hormones and go forth with life. Some do it and I respect their courage, but the fact is that after 3 months, you're only starting. It's fine to continue waiting. But don't drag that on to two years. That would be a tad long.
As for me... I'm a rather special case because even though HRT has improved my looks and all, I still don't have breasts and retain an annoying belly. So a point of real satisfaction and confidence has never come. But I set myself a moment to transition socially, and however scary, I respected the schedule. And I'm glad I did.
I think you should do that. Set yourself a rough date when logically hormones should've had enough time to give you satisfying changes, and do it then. Doing so will free you from both the fear of never finding the will to do it and the guilt of not doing it right now.
Also, it's just my personal opinion, but personally I don't see the point of there being a "part time" step at all. I just changed from the day I bought my padded bra, and didn't go back. I just threw away all of my bad clothes just then and started getting some female stuff.
Admittedly, given my budget, it was a bit hasty on my part and I ran out of clothes a tiny bit, because I don't have a car to efficiently go shopping and I can only afford thrift stores (and even then, right now I can't even afford those anymore), but you get the idea. I think doing things overnight and completely is the easiest way to do it. I think doing a part-time stage would do little but prolong the agony and give you an excuse to delay more.
Although what you can do until the chosen date is to be more yourself. Without actually transitioning, I think you should try to free yourself and your personality more. It's the only way I could wait so long. I just stopped being a real guy, and I started seeing being viewed as a fake guy/girly guy/person of unknown gender/etc. as much better than being seen as a man.
As a bonus, it made going full time a breeze (that sure did look like a hurricane from afar), because people expected and understood it as an explanation to my unusual behaviour. There weren't even any comments from my classmates.
No change in relationships (slight improvement maybe because I'm more comfortable with myself). No questions.A few very rare slip-ups because they've called me my old name for two whole years, but that's all. It doesn't seem to surprise them, even though most of them have probably never seen a transsexual.
Because I was myself as much as doable, it just made sense to them. If I'd tried to act male, though, I'm pretty sure the news would have surprised people more and the coming-out process would have been more of a pain to deal with.
So yeah, I think freeing yourself and your personality is the one thing you need to start doing. Don't rush yourself for the concrete big step, but try to act more like yourself. Every improvement in that domain will, I'm sure, ease things a lot and gradually turn the hurricane into a breeze.
Thanks. I think you're right that my first step should be loosening up my persona and working harder on everything at home. Still, I think the part time stage may be helpful. It doesn't have to go on for too long, but it may help me get adjusted to everything. I suppose it's more of a question of when to go part time. As of right now, I'd like to do this at least by January. I suppose that's a big time frame, so I can adjust it to something sooner if things rapidly improve.
Quote from: Jen on September 23, 2013, 01:06:58 AM
I think you need to take things at the pace you feel most comfortable. It's not really for others to decide how fast you do things. Also, hormones (and the effects they have on your mind) and coming to terms with things, these are things you're doing right now, and they are big steps! You don't have to feel like you have been just stagnating. You will do whatever needs to be done when the time comes.
BUT.. it does take time to adjust to a new gender role and, more than likely, you will have to go through an awkward phase(s) before you settle in and things become more normal. That awkward period won't start until you start trying to be yourself publicly, so yeah, the sooner you can get going, the sooner you'll be done with it. Some personalities (like mine, btw) need a little nudging, and if that's you, be thankful for your sister 
. It won't happen magically, and hormones only go so far.
I hear you. I just wish there was some way to make my first experiences easy. The reason I keep holding off isn't because I look terrible or don't have the potential to pass, it's more about wanting to pass as best as possible and avoid an awkward beginning (well, fear too). In time, I really do think I will have the potential to pass, but I really feel the hormones can do more and laser will help. So, perhaps it's best for me to wait. After all, it's really only been 3 months of hormones (I really don't count the one month of low dose Estradiol). I just don't know how long. It's a damned if I do damned if I don't situation.
@ Anjaq.
You are right. I shouldn't delay it too far nor should I do it prematurely. I'm really weak and allow fear to control my entire being, so it will be a challenge to start even though part of me really wants to do it. While the fear still has me by the hold, I suppose I can continue working on the other things in the meantime. Thanks.
