Hello, my name is Ovada! It's not a name that really conforms to any gender, so it suits me. No need to change it. I'm glad to have found a place to figure things out and chat with like-minded individuals.
Well, time to talk about how I got to this forum.
Huge post incoming; I figure the more honest and upfront I am with you folks, the more advice I can get.
My trans-itional journey actually began in a sensory deprivation tank a few weeks ago. I laid there for about an hour just staring into my own mind, contemplating life, and really thought deeply on what really matters most to me. There was something that I've been ignoring for the longest time, and it needed to be addressed. As soon as I stepped out of the tank, I knew what needed to be done. I have not been quite the same person since.
There was a moment in high school that kept flashing through my mind: it was Halloween in 2004. I actually cross-dressed for the first time and went to school. I was 16 at the time. No one knew who I was, but when they figured it out- I was accepted easily by most, and I shrugged off the nay-sayers. It was a rough hump to jump over, but it felt good. I felt incredibly comfortable as what I was, my sisters (all 5 of them) were quite amused and supporting, but... Society was quick to beat that phase of my life out of me in the years to follow. My body grew to be hysterically masculine and tall (198cm/6'6") for someone with these thoughts, as if to say "this is what you have to be." When in the military- any feminine trait I had was seen as weakness. I just tried to be a strong guy, as it felt like I'd never be able to pass as a woman. It's depressing, but that's life. I tried to live as a man would, but it just didn't suit me.
I escaped this restrictive reality by playing online games, because I was able to pick my own appearance. They allowed me to live as a woman in an online universe without discrimination. I could role-play my way around, and this worked great until I stopped playing them.
I'm 25 now, and after thinking on it- I really only live once. I dislike saying "YOLO!" but seriously, you only live once. I know what I want to be, and would regret not pursuing the life I really want to live. If we were to look at the spectrum of male and female in black and white, I want to be gray. I desire a bilateral orchiectomy as both a means to an end, and reducing risk of prostate cancer (which I hope I was correct in reading, as it runs rampant in my family), but it's a cost prohibitive procedure. I desire the changes that come with it physically. I'm not too worried about my blood or bone density. I've never had any interest in reproducing, so that's not a big deal. I'm aware of the risks, but I don't have the funds yet. I figure HRT is the way to go until that fateful day, but I don't know how to get that started.
I come here to seek advice, and hopefully help others in my situation.
Pleased to meet you all!
