Transgender is a Gift

[DrBobbi]

I just read a posted thread where a transwoman writes she hates being transgender. In fact, hates everything about it, and wishes she was genetically female. Sad.

I spent 53 years male and used my male privilege to do some amazing things, including flying jets, helicopters, and travel to places where women are little more than property. Now, as I transition I get to do something few humans will ever do, change genders. It's amazing and a gift. It's sad that many of those using Susan's Place don't appreciate, gender dysphoria notwithstanding, the special gift they've been given. It's one of the great adventures in life and I feel sorry for those that have lost their sense of adventure, fun, and humor.

Tell them why you LOVE being transgender.

(Given some of the posts I felt the need to add the following to the original post:

Hi, To be clear I have suffered about as much as anyone diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria has, with my almost five decades of self loathing, OCD, and depression, some of it close to the point of having given notice and planning my own death. Then there's the loss that comes with coming out. I have lost a career, a job, so-called friends, and my family, including my 29 year-old daughter who hasn't said a word to me in almost 6 months. Let's not forget the transphobic media that's taken all my privacy. In an attempt to "control" my story after being outed I have had to sit on national TV programs and be subjected to questions about my genitals. Nice.

HOWEVER, the unique insight I have, and WILL have in this next life will more than make up for it. That's how I choose to look at my new life and my "gift." I choose to be happy. Happy, because happy is better than self pity. Happy, because happy is infectious. Happy, because I have made hundreds of new friends that share my sense of adventure.

Depression? Anger? Self-pity? Been there, done that. On Estradiol I haven't had a depressed hour in 140 days and will not go back to that life. You must give up the past to be free to live your future.

Join me!)

[Zoe Louise Taylor]

I completely agree that the adventure is going to be amazing! and i cannot wait to become the woman i believe i am!!!

However, im at the stage that ive only just accepted that im transexual, and thats the terrifying thing!!
I dont hate being transexual, i just hate the fear and anxiety that comes with it!!!

However i totally agree with you hun! it really is amazing that im going to transition from an ugly man, into a beautiful woman, and i just need to get over the first hurdle then i will be able to enjoy my trans identity far more!!!!!! And at that point i really will appreciate being female, and that is something that trans people have that no other human beings will, and is a reason to love being a transexual!!!!!!

Xx

[suzifrommd]

Transition has allowed me to experience a euphoria that I have not found in any other piece of my life. The realization that I leave the house every morning as a woman is so amazing that nothing else compares.

[Robin Mack]

Thank you for helping add a positive direction.  Yes, I wish that I had been born female.  A lot.  But since I wasn't, why not embrace the best things about it?

What I love:  Empathy.

I feel like I can now empathize with a greater chunk of humanity now.  I know what it is like to be a "successful" man, as well as a failure.  To exceed expectations, and to disappoint.  I know great loss, and great suffering, and deprivation... and plenty, and joy.

Now I am learning to be/live those things without hiding behind a bewildering array of things I thought I had to act/be/say to be male.  To embrace who I truly am inside.

To me, one of the greatest blessings of transexuality is I can better understand people.  I truly believe that transgendered/transexual people have a unique ability to help shape and grow a post-gender society in the future and, in so doing, free society from a terrible burden.  This will allow people to be who they truly are, free to express themselves how they see fit.  After all, in the end, that is what life is all about, no?  Being who you are, as hard as you can.

[Silvermist]

There are things that I love about the experience so far and being able to identify with at least one or two more groups of people. I can certainly appreciate the optimism, as I prefer to look on the bright side of things, but let's please not gloss over the pain that most of us have to go through. To call the fact that some people here hate being transgender "sad" is a bit insensitive, even condescending. No one should be told that she/he ought to enjoy something that is a source of so much misery and struggle. Gender dysphoria might not make you suicidal, but it does for over a third of the people in our community. The suicide attempt rate is on par with, or higher than, schizophrenia. You could find a silver lining for schizophrenia, too, but you wouldn't try to convince people that it's a fun "adventure," would you?

Sorry to be a downer.

[Devlyn]

There are things that I love about the experience so far and being able to identify with at least one or two more groups of people. I can certainly appreciate the optimism, as I prefer to look on the bright side of things, but let's please not gloss over the pain that most of us have to go through. To call the fact that some people here hate being transgender "sad" is a bit insensitive, even condescending. No one should be told that she/he ought to enjoy something that is a source of so much misery and struggle. Gender dysphoria might not make you suicidal, but it does for over a third of the people in our community. The suicide attempt rate is on par with, or higher than, schizophrenia. You could find a silver lining for schizophrenia, too, but you wouldn't try to convince people that it's a fun "adventure," would you?

Sorry to be a downer.

I don't think anyone is glossing over the issues of anyone else, those issues get plenty of topics. The O/P was asking for a thread free of that, imo. Hugs, Devlyn

[Danielle Emmalee]

Just wanted to point out that the OP didn't say gender dysphoria was the gift, she said being transgender was the gift, gender dysphoria notwithstanding.

[Ltl89]

While I think there is nothing wrong with being trans, I wouldn't call this a gift in any sense.  I too wish I could be genetically female and it's a source of constant pain.  It may be sad, but we can't help feel the way we do.  Still we have to learn to embrace it and try to make the best of our situations.  I'm sorry if this is a bit negative, that's just how I see my situation.

Nonetheless, I appreciate the op's optimism and I'm up for being disabused.  I'd love to one day view my being transgender as a positive rather than a struggle. 

[Robin Mack]

*heh*  I guess I'm a bit too Polyanna about things... I agree with Anonymous User, IMHO the point made by the OP was to concentrate on the good in this mess.

On the other hand, reading the later comments, I can see the other point of view too... and I want to be certain I'm not seen as trying to trivialize dysphoria and pain and depression and regret and guilt and the whole unholy mess of garbage that comes with being transgendered. 

The trouble is, I'm prone to anxiety and depression.  I'm hoping that eliminating the dysphoria will help.  I'm praying hormones will help.  I'm praying that at some point the suffering will abate to the point where I can live a normal life.  The way *I* get through the whole anxious ball of wax is to focus on something positive rather than let myself fall into a panic over the negatives.

So, if my comment in support of the OP has hurt anyone, I am sincerely sorry for that pain.  On the other hand, I am grateful if anyone reading it has been given a pause to think and perhaps find some good in their own journey. 

[bethany]

While I do in fact wish I was born female, I do understand what DrZoey is saying and to a point I agree.
I get to experience things from a totally different perspective. I know that the decision to transition was not really a decision at all, it was a matter or life and death. But to be able to experience life as both a man and now a woman is truly fascinating. The only part that I find that sucks is how the public views, and treats us.

[sam79]

The topic and OP ( to me ) is stated as matter of fact.

This, to me, is a huge slap in the face for myself and perhaps more of my TG brothers and sisters.

Opinions are one thing, and I'm thrilled that DrZoey can celebrate her former life. But please don't go stating TG is a "gift". It's insensitive at the least.

[Ltl89]

*heh*  I guess I'm a bit too Polyanna about things... I agree with Anonymous User, IMHO the point made by the OP was to concentrate on the good in this mess.

On the other hand, reading the later comments, I can see the other point of view too... and I want to be certain I'm not seen as trying to trivialize dysphoria and pain and depression and regret and guilt and the whole unholy mess of garbage that comes with being transgendered. 

The trouble is, I'm prone to anxiety and depression.  I'm hoping that eliminating the dysphoria will help.  I'm praying hormones will help.  I'm praying that at some point the suffering will abate to the point where I can live a normal life.  The way *I* get through the whole anxious ball of wax is to focus on something positive rather than let myself fall into a panic over the negatives.

So, if my comment in support of the OP has hurt anyone, I am sincerely sorry for that pain.  On the other hand, I am grateful if anyone reading it has been given a pause to think and perhaps find some good in their own journey.

There is no need to apologize,lol.  Both you and DrZoey have good intentions.  Even if I can't agree that being transgender is a gift, I do appreciate those who have a positive perspective on it.  People like you guys are needed to help people like me cope.  Good on both of you.   Your positivity is appreciated and hopefully all of us can one day see it as a gift. 

[Ltl89]

The topic and OP ( to me ) is stated as matter of fact.

This, to me, is a huge slap in the face for myself and perhaps more of my TG brothers and sisters.

Opinions are one thing, and I'm thrilled that DrZoey can celebrate her former life. But please don't go stating TG is a "gift". It's insensitive at the least.

I really think you are misinterpreting what DrZoey was saying.  She's simply trying to find the good and help us all be proud of our identity.  I don't agree that it's a gift either, but try to see what she is saying.  No harm, no foul.

[sam79]

I really think you are misinterpreting what DrZoey was saying.  She's simply trying to find the good and help us all be proud of our identity.  I don't agree that it's a gift either, but try to see what she is saying.  No harm, no foul.

I do understand the intent of the thread, it's just the delivery which I find insensitive.

[Kate G]

I just read a posted thread where a transwoman writes she hates being transgender. In fact, hates everything about it, and wishes she was genetically female. Sad.

I spent 53 years male and used my male privilege to do some amazing things, including flying jets, helicopters, and travel to places where women are little more than property. Now, as I transition I get to do something few humans will ever do, change genders. It's amazing and a gift. It's sad that many of those using Susan's Place don't appreciate, gender dysphoria notwithstanding, the special gift they've been given. It's one of the great adventures in life and I feel sorry for those that have lost their sense of adventure, fun, and humor.

Tell them why you LOVE being transgender.

Maybe being transgender is a gift but you posted this in the Transsexual forum so you can say being "trans" is a gift but you can also say that being blind or being terminally ill is a gift.  Blind people tend to hone senses and are often aware of things sighted people never notice or take for granted.  Terminally ill people are faced with a situation where they often times choose to live their last moments, fully alive.

It kinda is like...


The reality is that you DrZoey are having an 'experience' and you feel that your experience is allowing you to enjoy life.  Then you look around you at others who have a condition similar to yours and you are saying, "Why aren't you all joyful and excited about this condition?"  And the reality is that not everyone is having your experience.  It's great that you are having an enjoyable experience and it is nice that you might want others to experience joy but equating a condition with an experience leaves out a whole lotta variables.

[Just Shelly]

I will only agree to disagree....I will say no more

[Kate G]

Just had another thought...

It really isn't about being trans. To whatever degree, in this world of variables, it's about being engaged and doing new things.  Being engaged in something is great.  Doing new things is great.  Overcoming a hurdle is great.  But you can only spend so much time in mid-air suspended over a hurdle.  You can only experience something as new for so long.  You can only accomplish something you never did before one time. Manure is both poop and a fertilizer that you can use for making things grow.  Growing things is great but I don't like to walk around covered in poo.

[Jamie D]

It sounds to me like the "Parable of Good or Bad" is really moral relativism.  I am not sure how it applies to Dr Zoey's post.

Like Zoey, I too would hope that more of our community can positively embrace our uniqueness.  It seems to me that anything is better than self-hatred.

Perhaps I am just a Polly Anna.

[Rachel]

Compared to my 1st 50 years the last 4 months I feel a sense of FREEDOM. HRT has freed my nights so I can rest. I really feel for the first time in the last 2 months. I love my wife and really crave physical sexual connection ( although rarely). Sex is just amazing. Sex is just amazing (worth saying twice). Therapy has been a gift, truly a gift. I want to be me, although I am clumsy. The nightmare is over and a new beginning has started (It will not be easy but from my recent past experience the future should be at least more gain than loss, I hope). 

Addressing my transgender self has been a gift, I have tears in my eyes of happiness and pride! I really look forward to growing in the months ahead. I am so much more happy being me.

I agree, I know things others never think about or experience, which is priceless. I know bigotry and I can forgive ignorance.

[Kate G]

It sounds to me like the "Parable of Good or Bad" is really moral relativism.  I am not sure how it applies to Dr Zoey's post.

Like Zoey, I too would hope that more of our community can positively embrace our uniqueness.  It seems to me that anything is better than self-hatred.

Perhaps I am just a Polly Anna.

Some people identify as trans and for those people 'being trans' is 'being themselves'.  Thus it is equal to freedom, living and it gives joy, etc.

For other people "being trans" = a medical need to be their brain sex and to overcome their genital sex.  These people tend to identify not as trans but rather as male or as female. for these people being recognized as male or female gives them their sense of freedom, being fully alive, joy, etc.

Unfortunately people who identify as male or as female (but need to transition in order to do so) these people are often pressured to identify as trans in order to support the trans movement or trans community, at the cost of their identity by people who identify as trans and don't realize they are causing suffering.

How you got moral relativism out of a video that has nothing to do with morals is very confusing to me.  The video had nothing to do with morals.  I even looked up the word moral to see if there was a definition I was unfamiliar with.  Basically the Video uses examples such as this.

Boy is late to airport and misses his flight to New York.  Someone says, "Oh, you missed your plane, what a bummer dude that is so bad."  Then the plane the boy missed crashes and everyone dies and someone says, "Oh gee, you were so lucky you missed your flight, that is so good."

Maybe I am misunderstanding something, can you explain why that is moral relativism?  You have me very confused here.