Transition at work. Advice?

[ErinM]

So I'm about to take the next major step in my transion and start going to work as Erin.

I talked to the HR manager a couple months ago and she's been helping me plan how this would go down.  Basically I'm taking a week off (started on the 12th returning on the 19h) during that time the management team is talking to staff members 1 on 1 to explain to them what's going on.  I've already talked personally to a few people that I work with closely and their reaction has been really positive.

I'm just wondering about staff in general and would like some advice on how to handle misgendering and any of the other "bumps" that I might encounter.

Thanks!

[Bijou]

I let everyone know where I work that after X date, which has passed, that I would then be going by female pronouns and my new name. Along with that, I let them know that slip ups were ok every now and then,  it not frequently. One employee decided he would use male pronouns, and on his third usage of "him" I promptly corrected him in front of everyone. Actually, more of a scolding. Sin e then I've never had any issues at work. I'm not a doormat, I'm a person and I WILL be shown respect. Most people will do things like that to get to you, just stand up for yourself and you shouldn't have any issues.

[retransition]

So I'm about to take the next major step in my transion and start going to work as Erin.

I talked to the HR manager a couple months ago and she's been helping me plan how this would go down.  Basically I'm taking a week off (started on the 12th returning on the 19h) during that time the management team is talking to staff members 1 on 1 to explain to them what's going on.  I've already talked personally to a few people that I work with closely and their reaction has been really positive.

I'm just wondering about staff in general and would like some advice on how to handle misgendering and any of the other "bumps" that I might encounter.

Thanks!

That sounds like a good plan.  The company I worked for (a large call center) at the time did something similar.  One on one with all the managers and then I think they might have had talks with their teams.  I also sent out an email.  I was surprised - there was one other employee who shared the same first name as I did before I transitioned.  A supervisor made some joke to him asking if he was going to turn into a girl.  The supervisor was promptly suspended.   Have you worked out the bathroom thing yet?

[ErinM]

Thanks for the replies!

I let everyone know where I work that after X date, which has passed, that I would then be going by female pronouns and my new name. Along with that, I let them know that slip ups were ok every now and then,  it not frequently. One employee decided he would use male pronouns, and on his third usage of "him" I promptly corrected him in front of everyone. Actually, more of a scolding. Sin e then I've never had any issues at work. I'm not a doormat, I'm a person and I WILL be shown respect. Most people will do things like that to get to you, just stand up for yourself and you shouldn't have any issues.

I am planning on having to correct/remind people when they slip up. Honestly I know that I tend to make myself a doormat too often, so I know that's something I'll have to work on.  It's been a recurring joke with my friends that I constantly have to "man up to become a woman" and to "grow a pair" only to have them removed.

That sounds like a good plan.  The company I worked for (a large call center) at the time did something similar.  One on one with all the managers and then I think they might have had talks with their teams.  I also sent out an email.  I was surprised - there was one other employee who shared the same first name as I did before I transitioned.  A supervisor made some joke to him asking if he was going to turn into a girl.  The supervisor was promptly suspended.   Have you worked out the bathroom thing yet?

I'm sorry to hear that you had problems with a supervisor of all people. I'm hoping nothing will get to that point. My HR manager said that harassment or discrimination will not be tolerated, and thankfully that is clearly stated in company policies. Gender identity and expression are explicitly mentioned.

As for bathrooms I've been given the green light to use the women's washroom, but in the beginning I feet it would be more considerate to the other female staff members if they had a chance to see me as a female for a while before I start using the ladies room. 

In the mean time I will be using the family washroom (I work for a big box retailer).  In all honesty I kinda prefer that way anyway because it give me more privacy, especially if I need a moment to collect myself on the days when dysphoria acts up.

[retransition]

Thanks for the replies!

I am planning on having to correct/remind people when they slip up. Honestly I know that I tend to make myself a doormat too often, so I know that's something I'll have to work on.  It's been a recurring joke with my friends that I constantly have to "man up to become a woman" and to "grow a pair" only to have them removed.

I'm sorry to hear that you had problems with a supervisor of all people. I'm hoping nothing will get to that point. My HR manager said that harassment or discrimination will not be tolerated, and thankfully that is clearly stated in company policies. Gender identity and expression are explicitly mentioned.

As for bathrooms I've been given the green light to use the women's washroom, but in the beginning I feet it would be more considerate to the other female staff members if they had a chance to see me as a female for a while before I start using the ladies room. 

In the mean time I will be using the family washroom (I work for a big box retailer).  In all honesty I kinda prefer that way anyway because it give me more privacy, especially if I need a moment to collect myself on the days when dysphoria acts up.

Cool sounds like you have it worked out then.

[ErinM]

I'm just hoping there isn't something I'm overlooking.

I think it comes largely from an IT background were no matter how much I plan in test ahead of time, something always goes sideways once I put it into production. :/

[KabitTarah]

I can't offer advice, but best of luck! It sounds like management and HR is on your side!

I work at with concervative people, for the most part, and think every day and during every conversation of how things will change. It's my most dysphoric place right now, but also my only friendly place (other than at therapy - which is my favorite and most expensive hour of the week).

[ErinM]

Thanks!

My understanding and experience is that I'm in a fairly accepting city despite living in a conservative province that has a reputation for being "the south" of Canada.

[retransition]

I'm just hoping there isn't something I'm overlooking.

I think it comes largely from an IT background were no matter how much I plan in test ahead of time, something always goes sideways once I put it into production. :/

LOL yup that really is true.  And then you just push out a patch. 

[ErinM]

So it turned out to be a rather ordinary day at work, so in other words a success. 

The only problems that arose were that at least a couple people didn't find out, and one of them was a supervisor.

The store manager made sure to check in with me to make sure everything was OK and I mentioned it to him.  I'll review this further tomorrow with HR when I see them about updating my paperwork. I got my legal name change certificate and updated birth certificate (name only for now) on Friday, so that's been my latest focus.

[Dana Lane]

I transitioned at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia and though Penn had dealt with other transitions before, they didn't have procedures in place. One of the things I was told by our HR department was that I would have to use the men's room until I had my surgery. Luckily I had help from a director at the LGBT center on campus who showed me a local Philadelphia ordinance that made it illegal to force trans people to use facilities that they don't identify with. I showed them that and they apologized. I had to bring the law back in one more time because they wouldn't change my gender marker in my records. It was actually a painful process but got through it and no problems since.

I would make sure to work out the restroom details with them. Also, check if there are any laws that protect trans rights and have them ready if they exist.

Best of luck and warm wishes.

[Tessa James]

So it turned out to be a rather ordinary day at work, so in other words a success. 

The only problems that arose were that at least a couple people didn't find out, and one of them was a supervisor.

The store manager made sure to check in with me to make sure everything was OK and I mentioned it to him.  I'll review this further tomorrow with HR when I see them about updating my paperwork. I got my legal name change certificate and updated birth certificate (name only for now) on Friday, so that's been my latest focus.

Congratulations Erin for such a big step!  Yes, how interesting for us when "an ordinary day" is success.  You are really rolling along with your transition.  I backed off on my name change partly because of the number of hoops to jump and places to consider a notice of change.  I feel like a slacker now.

Really though you seem to be planning well and moving forward.

I actually liked coming out conversations after a few rough starts (crying does not help) as I want to own and tell my story to hopefully reduce the misinformation that can get so conflated about us.

Keep it up girl!

[ErinM]

I did have things worked out in terms of the bathroom, and I do have the green light to use the woman's room if I choose.  I just chose to use the family washroom until I (and HR) could gauge the reaction, address any problems go from there.  Considering a number of people had to be told by me I'm glad I took this approach.  It's a challenging enough conversation to have on the sales floor, let alone in the washroom.

That said, I'm pretty sure everyone knows by now, and the reaction has been very positive.  Combined with the fact that the family washrooms are busy as heck on weekends (they're shared with the public), I'll be talking to HR about using the woman's room just to keep them in the loop.  I just have to wait because our current manager got promoted (great timing ).  Fortunately her successor already works in my store so it shouldn't be long.

As for planning, I prefer to use the term "general idea of what I'll do". If I say it's a plan, it often goes sideways   .

With then name change, I've actually had it pretty easy.  I was born in the same province as I live (Alberta) so getting a name change and updated birth certificate wasn't too bad. It was done at my AMA (AAA equivalent) branch.  They are a registry here, so I could gent my drivers license, health care card vehicle registration, insurance and membership all taken care of in one place.  I was able to get the marker on my drivers license and health care card changed with letters from one of the provincial psychiatrists. Considering those are the two pieces of ID that are used 99% of the time I'm in great shape.  The only time I've needed my birth certificate in adulthood was to get my name changed.

I still have to update things in a number of places, but I'm waiting for my drivers license and health care card to show up in the mail.

[Dana Lane]

Sounds to me you are good to go!