Stay or Leave: Post work related transition

[Janae]

This is something I've been thinking about a lot. Which would be easier, staying at a current job after transitioning or leaving and starting fresh somewhere else? I'm thinking it would be way easier dealing with new co-workers and residents, who even if they knew you're trans, would be better because they never had the old you to judge. Versus having to deal with the gossip, never ending questions, confusion and the uncomfortable nature that may arise. Most jobs are getting better with work place transition but rocking the boat can cause serious issues. I have a non discrimination law in my state so that does make me feel a bit more comfortable.

I'm in the health care field and take care of the elderly. So I also factor in the fact that it'll be confusing to see their "male" caregiver suddenly come to work as a woman. Some may not care and some might. I'd hate for them to complain to family and make an issue with HR.

Anyone who can relate this I'd love to hear your opinions on this.

[sam79]

I've been thinking about this as well recently... I think I'd like to start fresh after with another workplace after some time post transition and SRS etc. There's a huge adjustment period which is safer around those who already know... By the time I'd change jobs, I'd kinda like to be stealth.

[Teela Renee]

id say change locations/ companies, but my opinion is biased. I just went thru this and it was a nightmare and ended up being terminated over time for it. so id say go somewhere new as the new you.

[Janae]

id say change locations/ companies, but my opinion is biased. I just went thru this and it was a nightmare and ended up being terminated over time for it. so id say go somewhere new as the new you.

This is what I'm leaning towards. I have a plan for spacing out and pacing my surgeries & procedures. I want to make sure I have enough money saved so that when I do leave I'll have the means to fund the more obvious stuff like breast implants. I plan to get laser, electro & lipo sculpture first because it's the easiest to hide. Then I wanna do FFS and save breast implants for last. I want to do it in stages because by the time I get to the more noticeable stuff I'll already have what I need to keep going in case I get fired.

I don't know of any situations such as yours but that's my fear. It would be devastating to get canned right in the middle of things. But I do think it's easier going somewhere new.

[vlmitchell]

I transitioned on the job in a super abrupt manner. It was challenging but I got through it with not too much pain. Just my 2¢.

[Jerri]

So I decided on Monday this week to contact HR at the corp level to inform them of my intentions and give them my time line I really figured on being in the work market on tuesday to my suprise they had a program to support transitioning workers including insurance coverage for all medical procedures and hrt following the WPath standards that include most every phase of the transition process. I now have another support group as well as employement and health assistance. With this kind of support at the leadership level the only remaining hurdle is the co worker component which does not bother me so much as most just work aqaintenances any way the few friends already know or think I am wierd anyway hehehe. I will be the second person to trans at work in the company and have a new much more experience mentor to help me through the mine field of logistics. still kind of scared none the less but I am going to try to not move on at first anyways.

xo Jerri

[suzifrommd]

My on-the-job transition couldn't have gone more smoothly. I'm a high school teacher, so it's a high visibility job in a sensitive community.

With the exception of the lamebrains in my own union, everyone else had been super accepting and supportive.

Though I live in a very open-minded diverse area with a gender identity anti-discrimination law.

[Zumbagirl]

In my case, being in another job after I was full time for a little while, worked out. But there is an advantage to being able to stay where you are as well.

My thought is if you transition and work in the same place where your coworkers have been there for a long time and no one ever leaves, then the chances of living with pronoun and name slip ups is probably something you will just have to learn to live with. On the oter hand, if there is a lot mmore turn over or the possiblity to post out and work in a different area, then it may help to keep a fresh work environment with no baggage.

When I did my transition, my work history went something like this:

  worked at some company (actually had GID in the company diversity policy): actively transitioning, shinks, electro, etc
  came out at work: terminated the next day

   very next day I filed my name change in court: nothing to lose now
   while job hunting used my time to continue pushing my transition (booked and did my ffs round 1), soldiered on with electro, etc: It all helped with my job hunt

   a few months pass, landed a new job (substantial pay cut, but I was working): Kept at it, srs started looking doable
   finished everything (srs, time off to recover, final legal changes, birth certificate, passport, etc): now I am done with ole Harry Benjamin.

  moved on work wise one more time: now I started to earn close to where I ended as a male, and didn't need any excuses. no more electro, no more surgery, no nothing

  Being in that "never having to explain yourself to your coworkers" is a great place to be, I'll just let you know. If I were never fired and I kept at my original job I'm sure that pronoun and name slip ups would bug me. But that's just me.

All of this made me appreciate and understand why some people want to just up and disappear and leave the whole trans thing behind until they figure themselves out.

[mrs izzy]

I never had the chance got fired from the job i had when i went full time. I did all my name change and paperwork stuff and then applied for other jobs. Funny thing was i got a way better job and more $$. Looking now i can see where there was a huge benifit of going on to a new.

Izzy

[decepticonLaura]

welp, i came out at work a fortnight ago, expecting, in a worst-case-scenario sort of way, to be looking for a new job the following morning....
instead they are "totally understanding and supportive"
which means i have to deal with the ludicrously intrusive questions about my genitals literally all day
and assertations that learning my new name is just too hard for me to realistically expect
"we've been calling you -boyname- for a WHOLE YEAR NOW"
....
so i kinda wish i had been fired.
but on the other hand, i get to keep stashing my ffs fund at the same rate, and i am fond of my coworkers...
i dunno, pros and cons, right? i'm just happy to be finally able to be myself, whatever comes of it.

[Zoe Louise Taylor]

Yea i work in quite a masculine workplace!

So for me i really think it would be a lot easier to change jobs when i start transitioning!!!!
 

[Janae]

Thanks everyone for sharing.

Most of the responses are re-affirming what I thought, which makes my decision a lot more solid. I refuse to put up with nosy co-workers ,intrusive questioning, and wrong pronouns. We all spend way to much and deal with enough stress to put up with this.

[Kate G]

The obvious choice would be for me to move and start over at a new job. 

I remember thinking in the past how when you allow people to get to know you at a job, that is when people begin to get comfortable being jerks.  So in a sense if you create and enforce boundaries you can avoid some of that but once the boundaries are breached it's impossible to get all those cows back in the barn.  How much more impossible would it be to have others forget who they thought you were long enough to realize who you really are?  Instead of relying on others for my sense of self I would much rather start over with a new imprint.  Besides, others will never place as much importance or dedication towards your transition as you can, and really what is their incentive?