I want out

[Joe.]

I made some really stupid decisions, ones that, at the time, seemed like the right thing to do. Now I realise those decisions were wrong, and I'm trying to sort them out but it's going to leave me in debt that quite frankly I don't know how I'm going to pay back. I'm going to be unemployed and I'm going to start actively looking for a job but there's not much out there. I feel like my head is going to explode. I've been crying for days and I just want this all to stop. There's a bridge nearby known as suicide bridge. I'm so tempted. I can't stand this feeling and the debt and how I'm going to pay it back. I just want out of this world.

[Devlyn]

Joey, debt is not the end of the world, neither are bad decisions. We just move on, right? Hugs, Devlyn

[FTMDiaries]

Now that's quite enough talk about bridges, young man. I need someone to trade 1980s song references with me; who else would do that?

We've all made stupid decisions which seemed reasonable at the time but later proved to be mistakes... and as soon as we realise we made a mistake it can be very overwhelming trying to figure out what to do about it. But the thing is: you're not actually as helpless as you currently feel. Other people try to intimidate you into going along with what they want, but the reality is you can only do as much as you can do. If you're in debt and the best you can afford is £5 a month to pay it back, well then £5 per month is all you'd have to pay. Even if they took you to court, no judge in the country can make you pay back more than you can reasonably afford.

You still have time to think about where you are. You have some alternatives (there are other opportunities nearer to home). Don't stop believing...

[Joe.]

Joey, debt is not the end of the world, neither are bad decisions. We just move on, right? Hugs, Devlyn

Yeah I guess so :/

Now that's quite enough talk about bridges, young man. I need someone to trade 1980s song references with me; who else would do that?

We've all made stupid decisions which seemed reasonable at the time but later proved to be mistakes... and as soon as we realise we made a mistake it can be very overwhelming trying to figure out what to do about it. But the thing is: you're not actually as helpless as you currently feel. Other people try to intimidate you into going along with what they want, but the reality is you can only do as much as you can do. If you're in debt and the best you can afford is £5 a month to pay it back, well then £5 per month is all you'd have to pay. Even if they took you to court, no judge in the country can make you pay back more than you can reasonably afford.

You still have time to think about where you are. You have some alternatives (there are other opportunities nearer to home). Don't stop believing...

That first bit made me smile, thank you. So they can't make me pay back anything if I physically can't? I feel so stupid and such a disappointment.

[FTMDiaries]

So they can't make me pay back anything if I physically can't?

Nope! How could they, if you simply don't have it? Generally speaking, you start out by negotiating a payment plan with your creditors. You tell them how much money you have coming in and how much of that you can afford to pay them, and then you just go ahead & pay that amount. If the worst happens and they can't or won't come to an agreement with you, they can't force you to pay what they want; instead, it has to go to court. The Judge will not make a repayment order that would cause you financial hardship. They're not allowed to.

I feel so stupid and such a disappointment.

It isn't stupid or disappointing to have made a mistake; it's human. It's better and more mature to admit a mistake and try to fix it, than to blunder around doing the wrong thing.

[Joe.]

Ah ok, I didn't know that, thank you. You've got a point there as well, thanks.

[FTMDiaries]

Yeah, that's because creditors don't want you to know that. They try to scare you into prioritising what you owe them and paying them as quickly as possible, simply because they know a lot of people are easily intimidated into doing that. But once you know the truth - that you can only be expected to pay as much as you can afford without suffering hardship - you won't be so easily intimidated.

Here's some good advice from the Citizens [sic] Advice Bureau: http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/debt_e.htm

[Joe.]

Thank you so much!

[Joe.]

Don't stop believing...

Was this an 80s song reference joke? Hahaha I totally missed that.

[FTMDiaries]

Was this an 80s song reference joke? Hahaha I totally missed that.

Haha... yup! You got it!

[Beth Andrea]

Thank you so much!

Yay! Another life saved by the miracle that is people talking to other people.

[Shantel]

I came in on this late but want to assure Joey that he's not the lone ranger of debt, I've had debt all my life and have had periods where I found myself unemployed and unable to make payments, best to let them know that you will resume them when you find employment and are able and then be prepared to hit the ignore button on your phone for awhile for personal peace of mind. They know they can't squeeze blood out of a turnip any more than they can squeeze you for that which you don't have. Life goes on hon!

[Adam (birkin)]

I'd like to add a discussion that I had with a professor once. I had withdrawn from uni and I had thousands of dollars that I could never get back - I was broke. I also ended up re-enrolling not long after. I told him I felt like a failure for those thousands I lost.

His response? "Those thousands of dollars mean nothing in the long run, 5 years from now you won't even remember that you lost it." Sure enough, 7 years later, I only really think "dang, lol" when I consciously remember.

[Robin Mack]

Whenever I feel overwhelmed by something like debt (and I have a ton of it; student loans for a degree finished late in life, exorbitant spousal support from my divorce, credit card debt from my marriage, etc) and things seem horribly bleak, I have often found that there is something else feeding into my despair, too.  It's often a good time to do some reflection on other stuff that could be bothering me, and often it's time to set an appointment with my therapist.

I truly hope that the words you received today about debt are enough to relieve your concerns, but I strongly urge you to at least talk to a therapist or even an 800 number (like is listed at the top of this forum) to help gain some perspective.  I don't know you, but if you're on this board there's a good reason to believe you're a member of the trans community, and the issues involved in that can be enough to make any minor crisis seem insurmountable.

But, believe me, things really do get better.  Some days, I have to repeat that to myself as a mantra.

*hug*

[Ltl89]

Joey,

I have no great advice on how to deal with debt, but I did want to say hang in there.  I hope all is well.

[Joe.]

Thank you everyone. Your supportive words have helped ease the stress a bit. Sorry about the post earlier, I wasn't in a good frame of mind and Susan's was the only place I could turn to. Thank you all.

[DriftingCrow]

Joey just take it one step at a time.

And debt isn't the end of the world, there's no longer debtor's prisons in the UK anymore right? And, they no longer ship people off to colonial Georgia when they owe money. 

I have no idea how it is in the UK, but here in the US, if there's NO way that you can pay (like no job, no assets, etc.) there's nothing the debt collectors can do but call and send you mail hoping you'll pay or make a deal with them. If you don't pay it for like 7 years here, the debt basically just goes away (unless you make the mistake and for some reason make a payment on it, then it comes alive again), it might linger on your credit report for a bit. It could be totally different over there, but there's probably something kind of like what we have over here like in FTMDiaries post. 

If school or whatever isn't working out for you, and you truly want out, then money shouldn't force you to stay in a program that makes you feel bad.