Transition feel like addiction

[bingunginter]

I'm having this thought that my transition feel like addiction. I started this journey by simply exploring. Every time I reach a step I always crave for more.
Its been few years, I can not say that transition improve my quality of live or overall happiness. I even feel it is worse sometime. I can just stop but its not easy because every time the desire come back.
What do you think?

[K8]

Sometimes I think that if I had known how happy I would be now, after transition, I would have been even unhappier before.  Is happiness addicting?  Or is it the exhilaration of finally beginning what you have wanted to most of your life?

- Kate

[suzifrommd]

I'm having this thought that my transition feel like addiction. I started this journey by simply exploring. Every time I reach a step I always crave for more.
Its been few years, I can not say that transition improve my quality of live or overall happiness. I even feel it is worse sometime. I can just stop but its not easy because every time the desire come back.
What do you think?

Transition is not guaranteed to make one happy. My life is much, much harder since I transitioned. The only benefit is that I get to be myself. For me, that's priceless.

I do agree that it consumes me like an addiction.

[Jessica Merriman]

It is not addiction in my book. I think it is biology saying something is wrong, fix it. It is just like when your body tells you of a problem with a gall bladder, appendix or whatever. At least that's how I view it. They are finding new things in science that seems to verify what we all know, there is a driving force telling us to fix ourselves that is chemical or neural. Second, life gets harder in my opinion after transition because we are so far behind in our true internal development. We have to play catch up on simple things like make-up, deportment, social aspects, etc. Add these to our outside identity that we assimilated into society with. We have to deprogram while we program. Gives us a lot of work to do. Then there are the things we lose along the transition process, family, friends, identity that we have to start all over to develop. It is a lot of work. Take care. PM me anytime.

[Jessica Merriman]

I forgot. I am on HRT and do plan a SRS as soon as possible. Like many others the financial aspect controls the SRS.

[KabitTarah]

Not addiction... but people don't understand our need. With my wife's therapist last night (a couples session)... "why do you need to do this so quickly?"

Quickly? I'm holding off on HRT for 10-11 months after coming out. I know some people wait longer, but that's super slow in my book -- even when I take my kids (<= 8 years old) into acount.

The thing is... I feel the need to make progress. I know approximately where I want to be (at least at first flush) and I need to feel like I'm working toward it. Being out, RLE, to the world in 2+ years is a long term plan. The need to change is increasing and only those things I can do now are preventing spirals of stress from debilitating.

[Jessica Merriman]

Baby, don't worry about other people, life is short and none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. I am not in a rush so to say, but I don't want to get buried as a male. You have to take it at your speed though. Support is here anytime.

[PrincessDayna]

Ive went through that, for years, off and on. Id
live female and at the brink fear would get the best of me, and id stop. That started at 14- never could get hrt at a younger age and early 20's was self medicating and high doubt. Now Im 30- a little over three monthes from finally "taking the leap", so to speak. And i would never look back. I just had to pay a notary service to go to my surgeon and get my medical affidavit signed as i was dumb and thought it could get it notarized after he signed it. After that, i eagerly await my birth cert, then drivers liscence. The fear is still here so ear
Y in this, but trust, it eventually boils over to "you gotta do this or it will consume you.", like, the good parts of you. My last stint of fighting it off, I did the army, for a few years, got honorablly discharged. It never went away, and it stays there, lurking, untill you confront it. You have to do what is best for you. Think of it like this, would rather live miserable and always wonder "wow, what if?", or just dive into the pool? I know one thing, if you dont take that initial leap of faith you jever truly learn to swim in the turbulent waters of life, hun.

[bingunginter]

Y in this, but trust, it eventually boils over to "you gotta do this or it will consume you.", like, the good parts of you. My last stint of fighting it off, I did the army, for a few years, got honorablly discharged. It never went away, and it stays there, lurking, untill you confront it. You have to do what is best for you. Think of it like this, would rather live miserable and always wonder "wow, what if?", or just dive into the pool? I know one thing, if you dont take that initial leap of faith you jever truly learn to swim in the turbulent waters of life, hun.

Its true, that's why I did something instead of continuously wondering what if. I am glad that I did start, at least I know what it feel.  Now I have enough data to compare. I realize the grass isn't greener on the other side.

[PrincessDayna]

Its true, that's why I did something instead of continuously wondering what if. I am glad that I did start, at least I know what it feel.  Now I have enough data to compare. I realize the grass isn't greener on the other side.

Cant be mad at that if i tried. We are all different in our needs, experiences.  For me, its not the other side though lol, it the right and only side.  Find you, what makes you happy and comfortable, and live your life to the fullest!

[Emmaline]

Not addiction... I want the pain to stop.  More like survival imperative.

[YBtheOutlaw]

i'm addicted to daydreaming about transition and coming out. i've always been a vivid daydreamer and before i knew i was trans, my dreams were mostly about me turning into a man through some fanatic process and dealing with life after that. but now, after i knew i really am supposed to be a man and that medical transition is possible, i can't stop daydreaming about ways of coming out and transitioning. i feel like everything else in my life is less important. i'm neglecting my studies and i tend to loose focus in real life, like i might switch back and forth between the dream world and real world in the middle of conversations, in the bus, while doing a sum etc. i have a big exam in a few months which decides my whole future and really need to focus, but it all feels so unimportant. i don't know what to do. its only in my dream world and susans place i get to be myself, and i can't help being addicted to them. i sometimes wish i didn't know what i am yet, but that would've made me too stressed to do anything.

[amZo]

I'm having this thought that my transition feel like addiction. I started this journey by simply exploring. Every time I reach a step I always crave for more.
Its been few years, I can not say that transition improve my quality of live or overall happiness. I even feel it is worse sometime. I can just stop but its not easy because every time the desire come back.
What do you think?

I feel this same exact thing. At the moment, no matter how unhappy I am at times or those times I want to go back to my 'old' life... I can't. It is very much like a feeling of addiction to me. This is an uncomfortable feeling because I had never been addicted to anything in my life. I've had a few bad habits that were hard to quit, but this is different.

[~Kaiden]

I think I would describe it not so much as an addiction, but a need.  A real, fundamental human need.  Just like one needs to eat, breathe, and sleep; One needs to be who they truly are.  One needs to match the gender on the outside with the gender on the inside, lest one be starved and suffocated of love for oneself.

Well, that's my philosophy anyway.

[KabitTarah]

I think I would describe it not so much as an addiction, but a need.  A real, fundamental human need.  Just like one needs to eat, breathe, and sleep; One needs to be who they truly are.  One needs to match the gender on the outside with the gender on the inside, lest one be starved and suffocated of love for oneself.

Well, that's my philosophy anyway.

I think this is supported by medical research, WPATH, and the latest DSM. We do have dysphoria... but it's not like body dysphoria due to eating disorders or weight lifting (which would still be considered psychological disorders).

Medical disorders of the brain and psychological disorders often seem pretty similar (and often there is some basis both medically and psychologically), but it is not a disorder to be trans*... which means it is not an addiction. It can certainly influence other addictions, though.

[bingunginter]

For some people it is a need but in my case it is a want. Analogous to buying a car, I don't need to buy porsche, I would be fine with toyota.