Starting my transition . . .

[Gina Taylor]

About six years ago, when I was at a LBGT club I met this wonderful woman who really took a likings to me and she told me that she had started her transition eight years previous. She basically got her family all together and announced to them that she was going to start living her life as a woman and from that day on she's been a woman. Now due to some health problems she couldn't start HRT nor does she want to have SRS done, so she's quite content being a full time cross-dresser. I was very inspired by her and so now that I am starting my transition, I have decided to take the same route as she has, and I've discussed this with my thrapist and he's very supportive.  During my last session, he asked me to work on a pros and cons list, and the pros are actually looking a lot better than the cons are.

[Robin Mack]

Glad to hear you have found a path that works for you! 

Just a thought, worth exactly what you paid for it, but...

If you're still fairly young, testosterone may not have had enough time to really change your features.  You might consider talking to your therapist about anti-androgens to keep your secondary characteristics from developing any further.  That would give you time to adjust and adapt to life as a woman; it's possible you may change your mind and want something different as you get older.  MtF people spend a lot of time and money combating the changes T makes; I wish I had known about the option when I was younger.

Again, this thought is freely given, and worth the asking price.  If it sounds worthwhile, make sure to talk it over with your therapist/etc. 

[Gina Taylor]

Thanks for the advice Robinmack, but I'm 45 years old. Unfortunately time has crept up a little too fast on me for things and I don't think that starting HRT at this age would make much difference. But thanks for the thought.

[Robin Mack]

Actually, I'm nearing 40 myself.  There are women on this board who started hormones in their 60's and later... I've been amazed and encouraged by the progress they have made and the parts of their journey they have shared.

The physical changes may not be as great, but they do happen... and the mental changes are supposed to be amazing.  I can't wait! 

[Gina Taylor]

So I guess I should consider it then, since there really isn't anything wrong with me health wise, like my friend, but I will check it out with an endo just to be sure. And I'll actually check with my therapist next week about satrting HRT. I do know off hand that HRT will give me smoother skin and will actually improve my complexion and will help out in some of those certain body areas as well within time. Would you consider trying birth control pills or just going straight for the hormones?

Last night I saw my friend that I was teling y'all about, and after not seeing her for six years, she's really looking good. My boyfriend that was with me told me that if he didn't know he wouldn't have been able to tell.

[Jessica Merriman]

I don't think it's ever too late. I am 47 and I am doing it for me.

[Gina Taylor]

Jessica, tell me how long have you been on HRT and what sort of changes have you seen? I do realize that every body will react a little different, but I'm just trying to see what kind of reactions you've had.

Thanks for the support. 

[Jessica Merriman]

Just over a month now. So far, not much. I am a whole lot calmer, but unsure if it is a psychosomatic reaction or just relief at finally getting started. At 47 I don't expect a lot, but who knows? My only regret is not starting sooner totally ignoring those who derailed me at every opportunity. It also took a while to find a therapist who I did not know or who knew me from my career. Small towns are sometimes a bummer considering their are no secrets from anyone. I had to go to the closest metro area or everyone would have known, both those I told and those whose business it was not. I even had to go to a farther pharmacy to fill the scripts. I hope for the best results, but us paramedics are the world's worst skeptics and suspicious of everything. It will be a relief if results are good so everyone else will know and I can relax a bit. Who am I kidding? With my families reactions everyone probably knows anyway. Just wanted to do it on my terms, oh well.

[Gina Taylor]

Y'know Jessica, I can fully understand your situation. I too live in a small town. But of course, my parents have built a business here over the past twenty years and they're afraid of what I might do once their customers start seeing me as a woman. My mother has commented a lot about me parading around. I try to explain to her that I'm just being me and not trying to be the next Ru Paul. LOL.

I've been through numerous therapists, and finally I've found one that has really taken an interest in my needs.    Fortuantely I only have to drive a half hour to see him. But as said for pharmacies, they should be able to just take the script, fill it no questions asked.

I'll be looking into what kind of hormones I should be taking and I'll be discussing them with my therapist.

Thanks for your heartfelt support. 

[Jessica Merriman]

My therapist is about 45 minutes away and she found me an endocrinologist and pharmacy in her city. I could not go to mine because it is a small town one and if the government has leakers I'm afraid of the damage a few gossipy techs could do. Maybe it is the paranoia that working the streets for 28 years caused, but I want to tell who I want and when I want. Just a personal thingy. I'm sure everyone knows already, but I want to handle it if they don't. Welcome to the family!!  Keep me posted with you're changes as well if you would. Be nice to have a friend starting HRT almost at the same time! Kind of a HRT, BFF

[Gina Taylor]

That's really cool that we've got so much in common I fully understand what you mean about doing things on your own time and not by gossip or by other people findning out before you have the chance to tell them on your terms. I fear that when I do fully come out that I'm going to have to make some social changes in my life, but these things I'm expecting.

Jessica and Gina BFF (really touches my heart)

[Jessica Merriman]

We DO have a lot in common! Cool! As for the social I have had some unexpected, but pleasant support. I have been looking up people I used to work with as I am getting sentimental about the old days and people I miss. Still not sure if it is an effect of HRT or whatever. Anyway, a dispatcher I worked with and who rode in my unit occasionally (a very dedicated lesbian) and I met in person the other day. Our past friendship made me tell her I was in the process of transition. She looked me square in the eyes and said "what took you so long"? She had figured it out a long, long time ago. She said she figured it out because I used too much "energy" into fitting in with the males. She said this outed me. Weird huh, being outed as a MALE? Boy, think I'm not a little messed with now? I sure am glad I am transitioning. Take care BFF!

[Gina Taylor]

Your opening comment really made my day  After having a rough week last week and losing a friend and then I thought I had lost another friend as well. I saw this friend at church on Saturday night and she told me that we're still friends, so I told her about what was going on and she seemed very supportive. I called her up the next day and we went out window shopping for various things, and it was interesting that I could talk more freely with her about womanly things than I could I could as a guy talking about masculine things with male friends. It was strange but I felt so comfortable with her. So again, I know exactly where you're coming from.  Really sounds like we've both made the right choices in our lives.

Take care and have a wonderful day BFF! 

[Gina Taylor]

Well . . . I went and had a session with my therapist today . . . I went in all smiles, and he noticed that my mood was good. I told him that I had a very good week and I filled him in about what was going on.

I told him that I had re-joined Susan's Place and that I had already made a BFF and I told him about Friday night at the GBLT Club and how my boyfriend had made a small commitment to me. Then I told him about my plans on going full time for the New Year, and he asked me if I was really ready for that. Now he he said seriously that he could see where I was getting things into position, and he was happy for me, but the only thing that really stood in my way was acceptence from my family. Would they truly accept me as a woman. even though I had explained to him that Gina was a person by herself and she had no commitments to my immediate family because she doesn't even share the same surname, I'd still be living under their roof and would they accept me. So I have a few months to really think about that. Now he had suggested about going out at night as Gina and remaining as my male self during the rest of the time. Would this help keep me at peace with myself??? That was something that I had discussed with him, is that when I am Gina, I am so much at peace with myself.

[Jessica Merriman]

Go girl! Glad things are working out great for you!!

[Gina Taylor]

As always Jessica, thanks for your on going support. I was just working on a "COMING OUT " Letter that I may be sending by e-mail to certain memebers of my family explaining what has transpired since I started with my therapist, and let them know of my intentions. I think that this may be the best way to do it. 

[Jessica Merriman]

Good luck, baby. Need any help I'm a keyboard away.

[Gina Taylor]

Thanks sweetheart.  It's so really nice to have someone that I can lean on, and know will always be there for me. 

[Robin Mack]

Now he had suggested about going out at night as Gina and remaining as my male self during the rest of the time. Would this help keep me at peace with myself??? That was something that I had discussed iwth him, is that when I am Gina, I am so much at peace with myself.

I'm living that right now... and it is an OK place to be, for a while.  In my own experience, I have discovered that more and more I'm resenting filling the shoes of my male persona as time goes on.  At some point, you will probably reach a place where it is intolerable not to be Gina full time, but until then, it's a great way to gain experience, learn, and grow.  It's a lot less scary to learn to swim in the shallow end of a pool than by throwing yourself into the deep end.  It can be a lot less dangerous, too, which may be why your therapist is suggesting it.
\
*hug* I'm so glad you have a helpful therapist you can work with! 

[Jessica Merriman]

It's all about "intell" baby sister! The more we know the better the mission goes. That's one of the reason's I wanted a slow transition, to learn along the way. That's why I type my name, to get used to seeing it and it being a reflex that I don't have to think about. That goes the same when I am with my new support system and let them use my name. So slowly I can start to hear it more and respond more normally instead of "Hey Jessica", "Jessica", "Hey ditz!" Slowly build the muscle and brain memory. That's why we had to practice I.V.'s so much, so we could do it without thinking about it and could concentrate on other treatment issue's.