Fear of going to clubs/bars (age appearance)

[andrews49]

I've only been to a club once in my life and it was in June. I went to a gay club in my area. I pass really well but whenever I go out, people just assume I'm a little kid. Everyone always thinks I'm 12 when I meet them. I even got told I look 10 years old once. It's so annoying because these people tell you stuff like "you look 12" and all that assuming you don't know. Yes, I know I look young I'm not blind. People don't realize how offensive this is. At least give me some credit. I look at least like a teenager and not like a kid. I'm not exaggerating either and I hate how whenever I tell someone this they're like "those people don't know what they're talking about you don't look young" I know you're trying to make me feel better but it doesn't help.

Anyway, that was a little backstory on me. The first time I went to a club, the guy at the door looks at me and he's like "are you 12!?!?" Yeah, like a 12 year old is going to go to a CLUB. I have social anxiety so I didn't say anything to him because I'm afraid of speaking up. Throughout the whole night I kept getting stared at by people just because I look young. I like attention but negative attention is not something you want. Now I'm 22 and afraid to go anywhere where 21+ people are allowed like clubs or bars because of that incident. People just assume I'm a kid and I don't want the same thing to happen again. I have to shop in the boys section in stores because regular mens clothing doesn't fit me. I even tried dying the peach fuzz on my hair darker so it can look like I have facial hair but that was a disaster. I ended up slightly burning my face and I have two scars from it. It's a long way until I get testosterone because I can't find any doctors in my area. But I'm tired of hiding. I'm thinking about going to a club next week and I hope it goes well. If anyone has any tips on looking older then please let me know.

Does anyone else feel like this or has had something similar happen because they look younger than they are?

[Jack_M]

Yeah, Nick nailed it, smarter outfits do indeed help.

Unfortunately looking young is something we're all cursed with - even once we're on T, I'd say a lot of us still look younger than our years, but by then it starts to become more of a benefit to look younger .

Confidence is key too.  The more confident you look, the less people will see a 12 year old.  And yeah that's definitely easier said than done but it goes a long way.  Go to the club expecting to get ID'd, heck where I am it's standard for everyone, even if you're 70, and when you get asked for ID, or someone makes a remark about your youthful looks, make some quip about it.  Even if the quip is just in your head.  "Are you 12?" "Wow!  You calling your mum a pedophile?"  (That's definitely one to keep in your head, do NOT say that one out loud ) 

[Jack_M]

I love it because at first it makes you go "What the heck are you talking about" but before you finish the sentence its like "Oh....no you didn't"

Yeah, like I said, definitely a head only quip there .  Say that to a bouncer...well...you're gonna get bounced! Haha!

[andrews49]

Don't wear baggy clothing. Don't wear a t-shirt. I know it's a club but wear something formal. Maybe slacks and a button-down. Seriously that clothing has a tendency to make you look older. a t-shirt and jeans makes you look younger. Just my 2 cents. Maybe I'm wrong.

Yeah, Nick nailed it, smarter outfits do indeed help.

Unfortunately looking young is something we're all cursed with - even once we're on T, I'd say a lot of us still look younger than our years, but by then it starts to become more of a benefit to look younger .

Confidence is key too.  The more confident you look, the less people will see a 12 year old.  And yeah that's definitely easier said than done but it goes a long way.  Go to the club expecting to get ID'd, heck where I am it's standard for everyone, even if you're 70, and when you get asked for ID, or someone makes a remark about your youthful looks, make some quip about it.  Even if the quip is just in your head.  "Are you 12?" "Wow!  You calling your mum a pedophile?"  (That's definitely one to keep in your head, do NOT say that one out loud ) 

Thanks guys. I do have a button down shirt for the occasion but I want to find a better one so I can look more older. and haha it took a while to get that joke but I did. thats a good one.

[Natkat]

"Are you 12?" "Wow!  You calling your mum a pedophile?"  (That's definitely one to keep in your head, do NOT say that one out loud )

Tecnically shes hebephilia, but yeah dont say it, people can laugh or be pissed off, specially if you dont know people well its a bad idea.
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I'm pretty lucky I didn't had those kind of experience.

In my country people drink and go out at early age. it pretty casual to find people around 15 drinking, smoking, go to club, get laid and such things. so even when people think I am 15 (or 12 pre-T) I could still go out, even with my friend who was 13. theres rules that your not allowed to serve alcohol for people under 18, but almost nobody follow the rules anyway, it also kinda rare in my area they ask for ID cards and so.
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its abit troublesome when you want to flirt with someone older and you look so young. but being to queer transplace where people general know that transguys looks young, or being to gaybars where the "twinks" is the hotti. it not always that bad.

now general I just say "yeah look young cant help it" I once also said I got some medical condition who makes my puberty develope slowly. which is sorta a lie sorta true.

[Christine167]

You know a lot of my guy friends and coworkers also look very young and they are in their thirties. We have an anesthesiologist that we all give heck to because his patients always ask him when will the doctor get here. He's in his mid thirties and married with children. It doesn't help that he's like 5'8". I'm thirty five now and after a clean shave I still get carded and scrutinized when in boy mode because I apparently have such a baby face.

I would agree on the style of dress as well. Clothing sets the attitude of reaction. And even if you are short and young looking a well dressed man will get more respect than a tshirt & jeans clad tall guy with wrinkles. Just stay away from bow ties for a while

[Jack_M]

Tecnically shes hebephilia, but yeah dont say it, people can laugh or be pissed off, specially if you dont know people well its a bad idea.

Actually in this case referring to a boy as being 12 is more towards the pedophile range because the guy in this situation is trying to imply he's prepubescent in his looks. If he was implying more adolescent and having experienced puberty, he would have been a teeny bit kinder with maybe saying 15/16. Definition of hebephilia is around 11-14 but that's to include girls who tend to start puberty before boys, if the boy or girl is prepubescent, then, regardless of age, it is considered pedophilia, so that takes into account late bloomers.  But definition aside, people are more likely to understand pedophile anyway, so the quip works better in the regard .

[Taka]

clothing can make quite a big difference.
when i was 17, i had no problems walking into a bar that had a 23 years age limit. then ten years later, people were wondering whether i was supposed to be at a bar because i looked like i was only 17. both times in female presentation, only difference was the clothes.
i'm a little worried about how young i'll end up looking in male presentation if i transition.

[Natkat]

Actually in this case referring to a boy as being 12 is more towards the pedophile range because the guy in this situation is trying to imply he's prepubescent in his looks. If he was implying more adolescent and having experienced puberty, he would have been a teeny bit kinder with maybe saying 15/16. Definition of hebephilia is around 11-14 but that's to include girls who tend to start puberty before boys, if the boy or girl is prepubescent, then, regardless of age, it is considered pedophilia, so that takes into account late bloomers.  But definition aside, people are more likely to understand pedophile anyway, so the quip works better in the regard .

I know people get the pedophile thing, its kinda overused. like the word "gay" when you say "thats so gay" about something, I dont think it nessessarry make it right, but I know it ment as a simple joke so dont mind me.
im happy you get the definitions.