You have to face it.

[Devlyn]

The Addiction Forum has been pretty quiet, but we know the issues rage on. Facing our demons is the first step, maybe a discussion of how we each face our issues will help another person take that first step to recovery.

I'm an alcoholic, the first time I ever got puking drunk I was twelve years old. It was a different way of living back then, and all you had to do was ask an adult to buy liquor for you, and they would. So I was a problem drinker by the time I hit high school. The Army meant even more hard drinking. It all came to a halt when I was stopped by the MPs and blew a .27 on the breathalyzer.

I knew I had reached a low. I was sick of not knowing what I had done the night before, and sick of having to make new friends all the time. So at 24, I quit drinking, cold turkey. I learned that I still had to throw away one more circle of friends, those who had ever drank with me. Your old drinking buddies mean you no harm, but they are your worst enemies.  That was in 1986. Fortunately, I have not drank in the last 27 years.

If you are abusing drugs or alcohol, talk about it, here if you wish, but talk about it to someone. Realizing there is a problem is the first step. Take your life back, it belongs to you. Hugs, Devlyn

[Ltl89]

This is a very poignant post.  This is a very sensitive topic for me, but I hope people take to heart what you said.  It's a very important post. 

[Devlyn]

The first step is understanding there's a problem, but it's still just the first step. The second step comes when you decide to do something about it. Why is it a sensitive topic for you? Or if you don't like that question, how do you like that World Series thread? Hugs, Devlyn

[Cindy]

I'm also an alcoholic and I do struggle. I still drink, but I do so in small amounts. I find I can cope that way. I also now have days and weeks when I choose not to. I do not drink the alcohol that controlled me. I do have to face the reality that I could.

In a strange way I can cope with that challenge in front of me. But I am a person that needs continual challenge in order so that i can control my mind.

[Cindy]

I must say that my medics are aware and if my GGT level rises I'm under the hammer big time.

[Ltl89]

The first step is understanding there's a problem, but it's still just the first step. The second step comes when you decide to do something about it. Why is it a sensitive topic for you? Or if you don't like that question, how do you like that World Series thread? Hugs, Devlyn

Well, I have admitted this in my unending thread of problems in the MTF section, but I used to take opiates to help cope with my dysphoria.  I'm clean now (I would say 7 months) but it was a painful time of wasted potential and ambition.  And even to this day I struggle with cravings to numb the pain.  Still, I've never relapsed and proud of that fact.  At the end of the day,  I'm embarrassed about it; however, I realize it can help others.  That's why I only talk about it when necessary. 

[Devlyn]

Thanks for revisiting it here. I know the recovery process has ups and downs, and sometimes we want to figure things out, and sometimes we just want to not think about it. I wish you the best in your efforts to be free from drugs and thank you for posting here. Hugs, Devlyn

[Devlyn]

I'm glad you're on the right track, Laura. Hugs, Devlyn

[bethany]

Being raise by alcololic parents I got to witness from a very early age just what effects drinking can have on a person. I vowed that I would never let myself go down that road, and for the most part I haven't. Yes I have been drunk, twice in my life. I hated the feeling of not being in control. Now I'll have a social drink every now and then but will stop after two drinks tops. I applaud everyone who makes an attempt to stop and get sober. Just take it one day at a time. 

[Eva Marie]

I started drinking in my early teen years and I drank until I was 50. I remember taking beers to high school with me and drinking them in my car before class. I remember many, many nights as a teenager driving home stone cold drunk with my head out the window trying to sober up. When I got married my wife badgered me for years to stop drinking and later on my kids did too but that didn't stop me! I just kept right on drinking to numb the pain and to get away from myself. I just didn't give a damn.

I was convinced that I had my drinking under control (lol....) but I noticed that it was getting a really nasty edge to it. I started having a lot more nights that I just couldn't remember the next day, and I felt like absolute crap all of the time with mysterious pains and aches. I knew that if I didn't address the issue that was driving my drinking I'd be dead in just a few more years. I had figured out that issue was dealing with and accepting my ->-bleeped-<-.

I finally made my first appointment with a therapist and I felt an immediate sense of relief. The urge to drown myself in alcohol every night..... stopped!

I dried out for about 6 weeks and didn't touch a drop. Now these days I may have one or two beers after dinner and that's it; that's way down from the 7-8 beers (or more) a night I'd routinely suck down before my therapy started.

It's terrible that so many of us in this community suffer so badly with alcohol. It doesn't solve anything and it causes us so many problems 

[Ltl89]

Thanks for revisiting it here. I know the recovery process has ups and downs, and sometimes we want to figure things out, and sometimes we just want to not think about it. I wish you the best in your efforts to be free from drugs and thank you for posting here. Hugs, Devlyn

I agree.  That's why posts like these are important.  People must know that there is no such thing as a "former" addict.  It's something that we will live with for life and must continue to fight.  Some less than others, but it will always be a part of our mentality.  Even though I haven't done anything in a long time, I still crave it quite frequently.  Sadly, painkillers even make showings in my dreams.  It's terrible, but we need to be vigilant.  If this can help anyone else out there struggling, I will be glad I somewhat broke my silence on the topic.

[Vicky]

I am Vicky and I am an alcoholic / prescription drug addict---  I will have 5 new years of sobriety on the 10th of October and have gone from using Alcohol to medicate my GD to being Post Op 8 months ago. GD got me into a relapse after 16 years of sobriety when I had not been honest about the GD to my first recovery team in 1988.  GD got me out of the addiction cycle as well by showing me the need for help if I was to go on living.  At this time 5 years ago I was trying to commit suicide by drug/booze and had been so close but had failed because my HP let me run out of the cocktail before I had had enough to shut down the liver and a few other vital organs.  I accidentally disclosed my deepest and most terrible secret trying to con more drugs out of a doctor, and the answer was no more medication, but we will listen after you reach a level of sobriety.  About the time I was picking up a 6 month chip at AA, I was having a letter sent electronically to my future Endo to begin HRT.  HRT was the medication I had been seeking in booze but it was available only with honesty which addiction does not allow.  I am not as big in AA as some people are, but it is a resource that I do use.  I also keep in touch with other Trans*alcoholic friends and give support to them and receive it myself.  Alcohol took me to the door posts of hell, but just in front of those doors was hope in sobriety. 

[big kim]

My Dad is an alcoholic,my Mum was a heavy drinker.They were never physically violent ,just verbally.I got drunk for the first time at 13 it gave me confidence and took the edge off my GD.I was a big kid and could easy get served in off licences and for the first time I was popular with other kids.I was a regular drinker at 15 and soon drank 7 or 8 pints of lager or cider a night.I smoked weed a lot from 16 on wards and did speed as well for many years.In 2006 I found I gradually lost my tolerance and appetite for alcohol and laid off it for over a year.Now I have a glass of wine with a meal or a fruit cider,I no longer have the desire or appetite for more.I never got into the hard drug scene,I was a snob about drugs weed and speed was OK but heroin and crack were for losers.

[Devlyn]

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences, ladies. Hugs, Devlyn

[MadeleineG]

I grew up on tales of what an ass my grandfather had been when he drank. Having commited never to follow in his footsteps, I self-medicated my GD by smoking a ridiculous amount of pot, instead. In my late teens and early twenties, I beat my hippocampus with a tire-iron multiple times a day in the hopes that I'd forget myself. Didn't work.

I get quite frustrated when people suggest that marijuana isn't addictive, because, if I wasn't addicted (psychologically), I'm not sure what else to call it. I stopped using the drug through fortuitous circumstances (My band fired me for "creative differences", I started teaching music to children, and suddely realized that I was a role model for ten year olds) and haven't smoked in eight years now. But holy do I still get cravings. Constantly.

[Danielle Emmalee]

Hi.  I am a sex addict.  I hope my post is okay here, I'll do my best to keep the sexually explicit stuff in the sexuality forum.  My addiction is one that isn't talked about a whole lot, some people even think its a joke.  Probably mostly because sex to some people isn't seen as something harmful or unhealthy.  It is something very serious though.  Its something I struggle with every single day.  Its also something that's extremely difficult to avoid in the western world.  I can see people with drug addictions staying away from people that do drugs to keep the temptation away.  Same with alcoholics, you lose the friends that you use to drink with, you don't hang out in bars anymore, alcohol is more acceptable than drugs though so its tougher to avoid.  With sex addiction, the temptation is literally everywhere.  I'm afraid to give many more details about it, its something that is very difficult to find someone safe to talk about it with. Its really odd to me how sex is so publicly intertwined in our culture yet its still very much taboo to even talk about it. 

[Danielle Emmalee]

The hardest part for me is worrying about being judged.  I'm sure it is a common theme for any addict.  It is very hard to come to terms that it isn't your fault.  Then there are people who just don't get it.  They don't understand the fight between doing something and not wanting to do it.  "Why in the world would you do something that you don't want to do?"  They think that you're just lying, that you're trying to give yourself an excuse to indulge and if you truly wanted to stop, you just would.  Its very easy to fall into telling yourself this as well.  And then that leads to self-hatred.  And how do you deal with the self-hatred?  Often its more indulgence. 

[Beth Andrea]

<3, you won't hear any laughter coming from me...I know about sex addiction, and it's as crippling and potentially as deadly as any chemical addiction.

Thanks for posting here.

On chemicals, I believe I was addicted to alcohol the last couple years I was in the AF...self-medicating for depression. When I got out, I went cold turkey for a basic reason: I couldn't afford the level of drinking I'd been used to.

Now I drink "socially" (does drinking alone count), meaning one drink a week, maybe two. It's not a demand anymore, though.

[Danielle Emmalee]

<3, you won't hear any laughter coming from me...I know about sex addiction, and it's as crippling and potentially as deadly as any chemical addiction.

Thanks for posting here.

On chemicals, I believe I was addicted to alcohol the last couple years I was in the AF...self-medicating for depression. When I got out, I went cold turkey for a basic reason: I couldn't afford the level of drinking I'd been used to.

Now I drink "socially" (does drinking alone count), meaning one drink a week, maybe two. It's not a demand anymore, though.

I hope I can have sex "socially" in the future...I'm not so sure it will happen though.

[Devlyn]

Hi.  I am a sex addict.  I hope my post is okay here, I'll do my best to keep the sexually explicit stuff in the sexuality forum.  My addiction is one that isn't talked about a whole lot, some people even think its a joke.  Probably mostly because sex to some people isn't seen as something harmful or unhealthy.  It is something very serious though.  Its something I struggle with every single day.  Its also something that's extremely difficult to avoid in the western world.  I can see people with drug addictions staying away from people that do drugs to keep the temptation away.  Same with alcoholics, you lose the friends that you use to drink with, you don't hang out in bars anymore, alcohol is more acceptable than drugs though so its tougher to avoid.  With sex addiction, the temptation is literally everywhere.  I'm afraid to give many more details about it, its something that is very difficult to find someone safe to talk about it with. Its really odd to me how sex is so publicly intertwined in our culture yet its still very much taboo to even talk about it. 

Of course your post is welcome.  I was quite exclusionary in my O/P, addressing only substance abuse. Addiction comes in many forms like sexual addiction, gambling, self-harm and other behaviours. I'm glad you widened the scope of the thread. Hugs, Devlyn

PS  You could start a topic in the Sexuality forum for a more detailed conversation.