I'm so confused!

[Qlinik]

Well, I really do want to be a girl, but I don't think I'm like most other girls on here are.

I like my current appearence. I like my facial hair, my body, my penis, my body hair... I have no problem with how I look as a guy. If I was really trans wouldn't I hate my appearence? It's weird. I actually think I may be attracted to myself as a guy. And since I'm only attracted to guys, I may not be attracted to myself as a girl. Not that self-attraction is normal or anything, but... I don't know, it's just really weird.

Also, my dad thinks I'm making a mistake by transitioning. He says that it's easier being a guy- clothes are less expensive, can pee standing, don't have to wear make-up, or bras, etc. While I would like to start HRT soon, there are things I would miss about being a guy.

I wanna transition while I'm not too old (I'm almost 21), but at the same time I do wonder if it's right for me. But if I don't do it now, I'll regret it later... I just don't know what to do.

[Tyler92]

You could end up hating yourself, but you could also end up loving yourself even more. I would say try experimenting a little, play a little dress up if you haven't already. If you can or are able to, go all out and feminize yourself just to see what you look like.

I'm somewhat in the same boat as you, and I'm a little confused as well and unsure if it's what I REALLY want. I feel it is, and I feel I'll be happier, but there's that little hint of doubt lingering there. But, I came to the conclusion that if I don't at least try to transition, that I'm forever going to wonder. If you already did my first suggestion before, then my advice is to see a therapist, if that's already done, then just try transitioning.

And what your dad says is a hassle may be a pain, but they're also some of the most fun things about being a chick. Except the peeing sitting down part, I mean that'd be weird if that was fun. 

[Midnight_Nicole]

I don't know what to tell you, I don't hate my appearance but I do hate facial hair all body hair, and I do hate my male part below. I think the best thing would be to talk to a therapist.

[anjaq]

The question is not so much if you like your current appearance when you look at it, but if you feel that this current appearance is really you!

Do you look at that guy in the mirror, finding him attractive and at the same time feel dissociated from him, meaning that you see him basically sort of as someone else, emotionally, while knowing only by your reasoning that this is you because it is a mirror? Or do you identify with that appearance? I think it may be helpful to think on that. If you really "want to be a girl" - where does that come from - does it come from you wanting to look "like a girl" or is it because you feel you are a girl that likes the guy in the mirror for his looks but thats about it?

[Qlinik]

Also, this is another weird thing. I only like male-on-male sex. So if I was a girl I wouldn't like sex. I could go without sex though so that isn't really too much of a problem, but if I ever wanted a partner he'd probably want sex and I wouldn't know what to do.

[Robin Mack]

Perhaps you aren't so much trans-gendered as bi-gendered or gender-fluid... it happens!  While a number (perhaps most) of the people in this particular forum are trans-gendered, there are a number of people on all places of the spectrum.  I agree with the poster that says you should try playing dress-up... maybe you have a friend who is good with makeup and hair who could help you see how you might look as a female.  Maybe you just want to be seen as female part of the time, or even all of the time, while remaining solidly male (I know people like that, too!). 

The important thing to remember is that you are not alone.  And I definitely suggest you get some therapy if any of this is at all troubling to you; therapists have been trained to help you discover things about yourself and give you perspective.

*hug* 

[Ltl89]

Qlinik,

If you don't mind me asking, why do you desire to transition?  In your post, you state that you enjoy looking like a male.  While we all have different circumstances and dysphoria differs between everyone here, I'm confused why you would transition if you didn't want to alter your appearance.  If you identify as female and prefer embracing the mental aspects of transitioning, don't feel like you have to also change your physical status.  There are many different paths and it's up to you to find the one that bests suits you.  However, I think it's risky to go through with a physical transition if you are concerned you may regret it and or enjoy your current appearance.  Although, I may be overlooking something, so that's why I want to hear why you want to transition.

If I misinterpreted anything, please feel free to clarify my confusion. 

[RavenMoon]

I'm confused by this also. I was fairly happy with my appearance because I wasn't very masculine, and as guys go, people thought I was attractive. And as much as I'd rather not have one, my penis is quite nice too. lol  I'm only attracted to women, but never liked having a male body. I tried everything I could to always look more feminine. The fact that I was small and had a frame similar to a girl was the one saving grace. As I've gotten older I'm a little boxier, but that's because I have to lose some weight.

I also hate facial and body hair, and being half Italian, I'm moderately hairy (but wasn't so much when I was younger... damn androgen!). But I have been removing it as much as I can.

So, I don't understand why you think you want to transition? Maybe you just want to cross dress?

[Midnight_Nicole]

Also, this is another weird thing. I only like male-on-male sex. So if I was a girl I wouldn't like sex. I could go without sex though so that isn't really too much of a problem, but if I ever wanted a partner he'd probably want sex and I wouldn't know what to do.

I'm confused... but I'm sure you are even more confused. But I'm going to have to agree with the above posters. If you want to look and act feminine but stay a man, that's fine. You can even transition only partially, but I really suggest seeing a therapist as I said before. They can help you sort out your feelings probably better than any of us.

Good luck

[anjaq]

Yes I would agree with that. To summarize it, you seem to feel feminine (maybe even rather feminine than female), but like your male body, gay sex and possibly like to dress up. I knew some people who did that when I was in the LGBT scene - they really had a buzz being very effeminate gay men doing dressups for parties and being best buddies with women who usuall accepted them as being no threat at all as they are obviously gay and they could talk about makeup and fashion or other "femme" things - even about how guy can be obnoxious at times. They did not need or desire really to transition. Do you think this may be an option for you?

[vlmitchell]

Also, this is another weird thing. I only like male-on-male sex. So if I was a girl I wouldn't like sex. I could go without sex though so that isn't really too much of a problem, but if I ever wanted a partner he'd probably want sex and I wouldn't know what to do.

Oooookay, let's slow it down. I agree with the earlier posts about trying on different aspects of sexuality, figuring it out, etc. You've got time before things become do or die transition wise so, take it SLOW, and if you feel the need to move forward (it can get much more intense with time) talk to a Gender Identity therapist in your area for a few sessions or more to suss this out. Playing with ACTUAL transition can *completely* wreck your life if it's not actually what you're looking for.

[A]

Yes, uhm, I have trouble understanding your motives for transition as well. If you like everything about being male, then what is making you want to be a girl?

Anyway, whenever there's confusion, a therapist, ideally gender specialized, is pretty much the best solution I can think of. They're professional de-confusers.

[Qlinik]

Yes, uhm, I have trouble understanding your motives for transition as well. If you like everything about being male, then what is making you want to be a girl?

Anyway, whenever there's confusion, a therapist, ideally gender specialized, is pretty much the best solution I can think of. They're professional de-confusers.

Well to answer everyone's questions, I don't like everything about being male. I hate the social aspects of being a guy. I hate them so much that it's painful at times. I'd rather be seen as a girl by all of society. And I'm sure I'd like being a girl too. I guess I just feel guilty because there's some gay guys who are attracted to me as I am now and don't want me to transition. I know that the older someone gets, the harder it is to transition. I'm not even 21 yet but I already have a somewhat manly facial structure and some body hair and I may need FFS. It'll only get worse as I age. But I'm seeing a therapist and she's taking it slow. I went shopping for girl's clothes the other day and really enjoyed it- much more so that I liked buying guy's clothes. I'd like to be seen as a girl all the time. I think I'm like Kate Bornstein in that I'm definately not a man (and don't want to be seen as one), and the other option is to be a girl so I'd rather be that.

[Ltl89]

Well to answer everyone's questions, I don't like everything about being male. I hate the social aspects of being a guy. I hate them so much that it's painful at times. I'd rather be seen as a girl by all of society. And I'm sure I'd like being a girl too. I guess I just feel guilty because there's some gay guys who are attracted to me as I am now and don't want me to transition. I know that the older someone gets, the harder it is to transition. I'm not even 21 yet but I already have a somewhat manly facial structure and some body hair and I may need FFS. It'll only get worse as I age. But I'm seeing a therapist and she's taking it slow. I went shopping for girl's clothes the other day and really enjoyed it- much more so that I liked buying guy's clothes. I'd like to be seen as a girl all the time. I think I'm like Kate Bornstein in that I'm definately not a man (and don't want to be seen as one), and the other option is to be a girl so I'd rather be that.

Hey Qlinik,

Thanks for the clarification.  I'm glad you are discovering yourself in therapy.  It can be very helpful, even if a bit painful.

[carrie359]

I think its great that your Dad's in the conversation.. Only you know the answer but I can tell you that when I was young and girls started changing I prayed hard to god to save me.. I had dysphoria at a young age and knew at 4 years old something was wrong..
By the time I was your age I had lost hope but in the 70's.. I did not even know what was going on I thought I was alone. At about 30 and after marriage and two kids tried to transition but stayed as a guy. Now I am older with same issues.
I think for me I like what I look like as a guy.. I am good looking even at 54..but I just don't like what testosterone has done to me and now at an older age transition will be harder..
The fact that you are questioning your feelings and going through the thought process is awesome.. you will figure it out.. keep talking and happy for you that at a young age you are in the process of figuring out who you are.. good luck.
Carrie

[vlmitchell]

Well to answer everyone's questions, I don't like everything about being male. I hate the social aspects of being a guy. I hate them so much that it's painful at times. I'd rather be seen as a girl by all of society. And I'm sure I'd like being a girl too. I guess I just feel guilty because there's some gay guys who are attracted to me as I am now and don't want me to transition. I know that the older someone gets, the harder it is to transition. I'm not even 21 yet but I already have a somewhat manly facial structure and some body hair and I may need FFS. It'll only get worse as I age. But I'm seeing a therapist and she's taking it slow. I went shopping for girl's clothes the other day and really enjoyed it- much more so that I liked buying guy's clothes. I'd like to be seen as a girl all the time. I think I'm like Kate Bornstein in that I'm definately not a man (and don't want to be seen as one), and the other option is to be a girl so I'd rather be that.

'Snot a bad answer but make sure that you're not just uncomfortable with the way that society, especially USA society, 'expects' men to act. A LOT of cultures don't act anything like the testosterone fueled muscle/machismo jerkoffs that are commonly found here in the states. In the middle east, crying is manly and open expressions of joy and tenderness are seens as very seemly. The USA has a really screwed up culture for it's dudes and they're pretty emotionally crippled because of it. If you think that you look good as a dude and don't have a really strong desire to change that, my hunch is that this may not be for you.

Physical transition has semi-permanent effects and some that are not-so-semi (sperm count to zero after a while). You'll really want to try everything before going this route. If you're not 21 yet, you have LOTS of time before it'll be hard.