Thank you both for your replies. It means a lot to know that people want to help me. I have given so so much to this relationship, in the early days of transitioning when she couldn't be bothered to get out of bed and dress, I use to kick her ass, get her clothes ready, do her make up for her. I have bought her clothing and given her confidence to go out in public, I have even challenged trans remarks (thankfully there has been less than you can count on one hand). But, in cross words, she has told me that by me doing things for her I have made her dependent on me, which she has now swung the other way and become dependent on her mum again, even though she told me she wants go and find her independence. Before actually living as a woman, my partner was a wonderful confident man who I felt protected me and loved me. Since becoming female, and before hormones, she became bitter, argumentative, lacked confidence and within a month of being female, she had been diagnosed with depression, which worsened after commencing hormones. Initially I thought maybe she was having a tough time of it all which is what caused the depression, but knowing how she is with impulse decisions and purchases, I can't help thinking that informing people she is trans was an impulse thing that she now regrets and feels she can't stop because obviously so many people know now.
She has described herself as always being very secretive, keeping stuff from her mum throughout her life which has continued into her relationship with me. I mean, running back to her mum and spending weeks with her mum (who she claims she doesn't like all that much) looking for and getting her mum to buy her a house behind my back, which I was expected to be happy about, is a big secret for both of them to keep from me. Getting on to her mum, who I believe strongly is a major factor for problems in my partner's life, this woman is awful. When my partner came out as trans, they didn't talk for two weeks, and then her mother told her she couldn't be because she wanted grand kids. What mother wants, she gets. I have a child from a previous relationship, and I can't help thinking I was chosen to fit the bill here sadly, the mother loves my son to bits, but her control with this house and my partner has backfired on her, I will not allow her into my home and near me and my son because I refuse to be controlled and won't have my son involved in such a destructive relationship. My partner has repeatedly got on my case about this, how she thinks I have made the wrong decision etc... Also, with the house, I told my partner, me and my son would not be moving as I felt it was a stupidly though out impulse decision. My partner went to see her mum and came back and told me I was blackmailing my partner! This is not something I would do and now everytime I discuss anything at all with my partner, she now calls me a blackmailer (which upsets me cos I know where it is fuelled from). I can't be my partner's mum, but on the otherhand, I can see how she is being manipulated by her mum and that I feel my partner feels she needs to spend the rest of her life making something up to her mum and I can't sit by and watch this happen, even though my partner thinks her mum is not controlling and manipulative. In my partner's previous relationship, her mother through her ex out of the house, I just feel this woman can't stand her 'little boy' having any relationship at all.
Anyway off on a tangent there, I have repeatedly asked my partner to consider relationship counselling but she has said no. Does that mean I am not worth working for? I don't know why she thinks I am so stressful, if anything, I find living with her stressful. I highlighted to her last week that she had been at work all day and came home in a bad mood and that me and my son were not the cause of her stress.
I don't know what to do to make her happy any more. We had been trying for a baby for nine months, but impulse got the better of her when she got her prescription and commenced hormones before sperm banking and now she is regretting that. I mentioned sperm donation and she told me that would end our relationship, but in the same conversation told me she had considered it for us, confused! She also mentioned that her child would carry on the family name and a lot rests on her for that, yet, she knew hormones would cause infertility. I feel she spends her life thinking she has to make stuff up to people all the time and appease them and I get the brunt of everything, yet I am the most supportive of her. I have had her challenge my religion, my sexuality among other things in this relationship which I have adjusted, but this, leaving me and expecting me to just sit around and either wait for her to decide she still wants to be in a relationship with me and somewhere along the line live with me again or to tell me eventually that she doesn't want to be with me any more is a bit too much for me to take and not fair. Presently the house she is living in (which her mum is doing up) has no hot water, heating, electric which she is paying her mum £400 a month for while expecting to use my facilities free of charge. When I challenged her about this, she got angry and said and now I was being a financial burden to her. She can't have everything her way all the time and I can't (well I can) believe that her mum would allow her to do this to me.
I am so sorry this is a rant, but I love this person with all my heart and I have put so much effort in to changing my thinking. She swept me off my feet when I was about to start seeing another person, she went through so much to be with me, risking her job ( I met her on a professional basis) and now it's all going wrong. I am so sad. If only I could let her see how much her mum is effecting her life. I really need her to seek help from her destructive relationship with her mum and to find help for herself. I want my happy confident partner back.
