Still in the realization-confusion stage, but eventually I'll want to pass. . .

[MaybeJake]

. . . so how do I do that? How do I even begin to look like a dude? I mean, as a woman, I'm kinda soft butch. I don't wear dresses or skirts, don't wear lots of boob-showing shirts. I'm mostly a trousers and band t-shirts kinda guy. But my body, itself, is pretty feminine looking: big books, big hips, big ass, very curvy, very girly soprano voice, pretty--I've been told--girly face. Though sometimes, from the back, I do get mistaken for a guy. But not often enough.

But I'm blathering--how do I begin the process of passing as a guy when I can't even open my mouth to talk without giving myself away? I don't necessarily talk like the girls I know, but the damned voice itself is so . . . annoyingly feminine. The whole body--it just daunts and depresses me. What do I do?


MJ

[Adam (birkin)]

Well, I'm assuming that everything you said about yourself is entirely true - as before transition you could definitely characterize me as soft butch, with all the features you've described (high voice, curves, very feminine face). My advice is a bit different, because I followed every single passing tip you could find and still didn't pass, ever, lol. You may be able to pass with a haircut and the right clothes, I don't know, but I am working on the assumption that you don't feel able to pass with your appearance.

Really, what you have to do if you struggle to pass right now, is find a way to just be as comfortable with yourself as you can. I made sure I only wore clothes that were 100% comfortable - that I thought flattered me, felt good in terms of fit, didn't cling in the wrong places, etc. That way, even when I was called ma'am, I at least felt like I looked good. Because when I wore clothes they said you were "supposed" to wear to pass, that I didn't like, and then I didn't pass, I felt even worse.

Another thing is, surround yourself with the best people you possibly can. People who will respect your new name and pronouns (if you are there yet) even if you don't pass generally. People who you can smile and laugh with who make you feel good about yourself. It sort of helps when you're still trying to get there.

[ukftminneed]

. . . so how do I do that? How do I even begin to look like a dude? I mean, as a woman, I'm kinda soft butch. I don't wear dresses or skirts, don't wear lots of boob-showing shirts. I'm mostly a trousers and band t-shirts kinda guy. But my body, itself, is pretty feminine looking: big books, big hips, big ass, very curvy, very girly soprano voice, pretty--I've been told--girly face. Though sometimes, from the back, I do get mistaken for a guy. But not often enough.

But I'm blathering--how do I begin the process of passing as a guy when I can't even open my mouth to talk without giving myself away? I don't necessarily talk like the girls I know, but the damned voice itself is so . . . annoyingly feminine. The whole body--it just daunts and depresses me. What do I do?


MJ

-when you look up -with your eyes- and your feel that feeling in your eyebrow- cause its raising lol learn to lower you brow , guys have a lower brow it works on me really good

-hair try and blend in you dont want to be that guy that stands out not yet , normal colours , usual styles , you want to fit the description so you pass and its not a question of gender

- when your hairs short , use gel even if you use clay - if you have it in style , because gel seems to add masculinity , theres a huge different in my hair when its got that gel look , its like MAN HAIR lol

- stance , think about your body language and what its saying about you

- dont wear skinny jeans unless there to big because they curve your inner thigh

- stay away from shirts unless there dress shirts - too butch

- dont shave your body ,

- work out , that small bit of muscle is a huge ego boost

- SMELL , smell is a good factor , for instinct mens fragrances are quite distinctive

- if you cant open your mouth with out giving it away , dont open your mouth ! lol

-pratice looks on webcam sites , I mean I do I pass loads , i feel better and its like feed back from people who will forget you in a second
and that you'll never see again

-choose a name , write it down , again , again , now own it , thats who you are , be that person

[MaybeJake]

-when you look up -with your eyes- and your feel that feeling in your eyebrow- cause its raising lol learn to lower you brow , guys have a lower brow it works on me really good

I actually already look that way because I'm always semi-scowling--mostly because I can't see very well and I forget to wear my glasses, lol.

-hair try and blend in you dont want to be that guy that stands out not yet , normal colours , usual styles , you want to fit the description so you pass and its not a question of gender

- when your hairs short , use gel even if you use clay - if you have it in style , because gel seems to add masculinity , theres a huge different in my hair when its got that gel look , its like MAN HAIR lol

Umm . . . don't think that stuff'll work so much for my hair. I'm black. It's basically a matter style of cut.

- stance , think about your body language and what its saying about you

Alreay doing that. Trying to walk like a man, stand like a man. I know I must look overdone and ridiculous, but it'll have to do till I can train myself out of my not necessarily feminine, but certainly not masculine walk.

- dont wear skinny jeans unless there to big because they curve your inner thigh

Dude, I can't fit into 'skinny' anything, lol.

- stay away from shirts unless there dress shirts - too butch

HARSH! I LOVE my band t-shirts, even though they'd be all boobed-out in the front. But yeah, you're right. It's looking like Polo shirts and button downs and what-not.

- dont shave your body ,

Never have, never will :-)

And I'm one hairy cuss, too. Growing my sideburns back out, as we speak. They go all the way down to my jaw . . . and a little beyond. Into beard-territory.

- work out , that small bit of muscle is a huge ego boost

Agh! The gym! My arch-nemesis! But yeah, as soon as I can afford a membership, Planet Fitness, here I come.

- SMELL , smell is a good factor , for instinct mens fragrances are quite distinctive

I've always loved manly scented body washes and deodorants. As long as they're not Axe or Tag. Ugh. Those smell like balls.

- if you cant open your mouth with out giving it away , dont open your mouth ! lol

That one's gonna be a real challenge. I can't shut up to save my life.
::sigh::

I need to be on T as soon as possible. It can't come soon enough.

-pratice looks on webcam sites , I mean I do I pass loads , i feel better and its like feed back from people who will forget you in a second
and that you'll never see again

What sites do you mean? Like Chat Roulette?

-choose a name , write it down , again , again , now own it , thats who you are , be that person

Already chosen a name, but I haven't written it down, yet. At least not on paper (online, on Facebook). That'll be something to practice. My signature, and just inhabiting that name. Becoming the guy who's had that name since he was born, but just didn't know it.

Thank you :-)


MJ

[Darkie]

I understand the feminine voice problem.  I'm right there with you.  But thankfully I'm learning ASL so I will be able to talk with my hands, not my voice. XD

One thing to keep in mind is the confidence and air about you.  If you are dressed male, believe it.  People are like animals sometimes.  One hint of weakness and they tear you apart.  Stand strong and confident and people will sense that.