OK. We know that all of lifes little questions can be answered if we watch enough movies, so today we are going to cover the subject of...crossdressing
But I don't want to dress as a girl
Of course you don't want to dress as a girl. You are a normal, red blooded male, but according to the movies, sometimes it is something that has to be done
For what reasons?
Well, you might be on the run from someone. You might be an out-of-work actor, a sportsman without a team, or a musician looking for a gig. Perhaps you are hiding from the school bully, or you just want to get close to a girl you are at school with. In fact, the more unbelievable the reason, the better
And dressing as a girl will help?
Yes. Put on a skirt and you are a guaranteed success. The movies say so, and they wouldn't lie to us, would they?
I suppose not, but I only have boys clothes
Maybe, but your sister...
I don't have a sister
Don't interrupt. According to the movies, you do, and as fortune would have it, you and her are exactly the same size. You can even fit into her shoes. Luckily she has a supply of wigs and she doesn't mind you wearing her lingerie. Also (for strangely unrevealled reasons), she has some breastforms you can borrow
Well, that's my clothes sorted out, but what about make-up? I wouldn't know where to start
Not a problem. According to the movies, although you have never used cosmetics before, after your first attempt you will be gorgeous. You will definitely not look like Krusty the Klown
But I'm nervous about going outside the house like this
Don't be. According to the movies, no matter what you look like, everyone will accept you as a girl. Even your closest friends and neighbours will not realise who you really are
OK. So now I look and act like a girl, and am accepted by everyone as such. What perks can I look forward to?
Well, according to the movies, on your first day out, you will find yourself inside the girls' locker room, or a shop changing room, surrounded by almost naked girls. You will be invited to a slumber party at the end of the day and, if you are after a certain girl, you will have become her study buddy and/or room mate
Sounds good. So I can get inside information about what kind of boys she likes
Yes. If you are lucky, she will be looking for a boy who is sensitive, caring and in touch with his feminine side
And if I'm unlucky?
She will want a boy who is macho and 'hard'
Hmmmm. Not much good to me if I am wearing a bra and mini-skirt
No, but remember this. Above all else, no matter what kind of boys she likes she hates boys who are not honest or straight with her. She absolutely hates liars and being deceived
I see. So what other cons am I likely to face?
Well, because everyone now knows you as a girl, you will be expected to undergo a beauty treatment
That sounds good. I would like a massage
Um no. According to the movies, it will consist of you having your legs and moustache waxed off
Ouch. Well, I could live with that if it is the only con
But it isn't. The bully who you are hiding from will have become infatuated with your new female persona, and he will constantly come on to you. In fact, according to the movies, you can guarantee that within a week, he will kiss you
Eeep! Better stock up on the mouthwash then
According to the movies, by the time things get to this stage, your little masquerade will have gotten out of hand, and you are having trouble coping with being a girl
So, how do I get out of the situation then?
Well, according to the movies, now is the time for you to reveal your true identity
Oh. Sounds like trouble
Yes, but according to the movies, you have to do it in the most public way possible.
Why?
Because it's the law, thats why
Oh, I see. It's not just a way of getting a cheap laugh out of a crossdressed character then?
Grrrrrrrr. Can I continue?
Sorry. Please do
Thank you. Now, as I was saying, you have to revel yourself in the most public way possible. The actor will do it on live television; the musician will do it during a sell-out concert and the sportsman during the televised live final of whatever sport he is playing. If you are just after a girl at school, though, you must do it during a busy study period when everyone is around
But if I do that, my life will be over
Not necessarily. People will applaud the talent of the actor; the musician will be elevated to god-like status and the male sport team will realise just how much of an asset you are
Why?
Because everyone knows that woman's sport is much harder than man's sport
I see. But I am not an actor, muso or sportsman. I'm just your average boy...er girl about town...er school
Well, if you reveal your true identity at school, according to the movies, the bully will respect your bravery and become your best friend, while the girl of your dreams will be amazed and delighted at the lengths you were willing to go to in order to meet her. Also, it is lucky that you and her are exactly the same size, and she has got her eye on that darling leather dress that you bought
So, alls well that ends well then
Yes, according to the films
Well, that has given me something to think about, but I WILL tell you something
Oh yes? Whats that then?
Well, NO ONE is going to borrow my leather dress!
