Trans, bald, and poor

[MugwortPsychonaut]

These are three things that really don't go together. My body got ravished by testosterone. I went bald at a young age. I'm hairy like an old Italian. Yeah, all of that stuff sucks. I have a really nice wig, but wig caps hurt and don't breathe. It's also just plain impractical to wear a wig all of the time.

I've been going through therapy. I found a wonderful therapist, on the first try, no less! She works on a sliding scale, so my poor ass can get the therapy I need. But now what little money I have, is getting tighter and tighter. My whole "transiness" is really coming to the surface, and it's more painfully apparent than ever. And now with this, I might not be able to afford to keep going to therapy -- let alone eventually afford the hormones or surgeries I may need.

Fu-u-u-u-uuuuuck....

I don't mean to bore everyone with a self-indulgent blues jam. Is there anybody else on here, who's in the same leaky boat, out in the rough, icy-cold ocean?

[Alice Rogers]

I can identify with your money worries, my finances are sinking fast and its putting a lot of strain on my relationship. The only up side for me is that I live in the UK so my transition will not cost me anything.

Assuming I don't have a breakdown first....

[E-Brennan]

My trans-boat sank years ago like the Titanic.

It's only now that I'm looking back down underneath the waves, trying to locate where she might be, and trying to figure out a way to raise it up and keep on sailing. 

It's difficult, but you're actually still moving towards your goals, albeit in very small steps.  But as long as you're moving in the right direction, you'll eventually get where you need to be.  Storms pass.

Thinking of you, and everyone else struggling with this...

[Evolving Beauty]

I don't even know why many even go to therapists...what a waste of money. In my country transsexuals never even go to therapists. We ALL are tight financially darling and struggling. Very few are really lucky like abby89. 

[Cindy]

 

Lets be careful.

Different laws in different countries govern in how we are treated.

I really don't want a discussion about something that breaks ToS

Cindy

[mrs izzy]

These are three things that really don't go together. My body got ravished by testosterone. I went bald at a young age. I'm hairy like an old Italian. Yeah, all of that stuff sucks. I have a really nice wig, but wig caps hurt and don't breathe. It's also just plain impractical to wear a wig all of the time.

I've been going through therapy. I found a wonderful therapist, on the first try, no less! She works on a sliding scale, so my poor ass can get the therapy I need. But now what little money I have, is getting tighter and tighter. My whole "transiness" is really coming to the surface, and it's more painfully apparent than ever. And now with this, I might not be able to afford to keep going to therapy -- let alone eventually afford the hormones or surgeries I may need.

Fu-u-u-u-uuuuuck....

I don't mean to bore everyone with a self-indulgent blues jam. Is there anybody else on here, who's in the same leaky boat, out in the rough, icy-cold ocean?

There are others who feel therapy is a waste of money. I feel personal they are well worth there weight in gold. Not sure what country you live in but if you are from the States the AHA will be a saving grace to a lot who suffer from GID. Not the best in the world but sure can help a lot.

Izzy

[Lesley_Roberta]

I won't discount the worth of professional counsel, but, I have had the luxury of years of guidance and never a penny spent.

I know how valuable a skilled opinion can be.

But I am also willing to say that some of those skilled opinions are really mainly beneficial because the person inside the professional had some inner magic. Because I have also meant several shrinks I think would be better as plumbers.

But money is a small thing when it comes to some details no money can fix.

I too have the baldness hell, and also could be quite the bear skin if I left it alone. It's a daily battle. And laser is a major cash obstacle. The best I can likely afford, is to turf via laser the facial and settle for a life of buying disposable razors.

Wigs are no thrill, but, at least I also know, plenty of cis females have had hair loss troubles. It's not a male only hell. Just seems like it.

You will find, that Susan's place though might be a major boon to your peace of mind. You would be surprised at all the solutions I have found here, that I was sure were impossible to find.

Sometimes where you live is the main barrier, but, unless you give me more specific details on where you is, we can't really know what sort of circumstances you live with.

[Robin Mack]

These are three things that really don't go together. My body got ravished by testosterone. I went bald at a young age. I'm hairy like an old Italian. Yeah, all of that stuff sucks. I have a really nice wig, but wig caps hurt and don't breathe. It's also just plain impractical to wear a wig all of the time.

I've been going through therapy. I found a wonderful therapist, on the first try, no less! She works on a sliding scale, so my poor ass can get the therapy I need. But now what little money I have, is getting tighter and tighter. My whole "transiness" is really coming to the surface, and it's more painfully apparent than ever. And now with this, I might not be able to afford to keep going to therapy -- let alone eventually afford the hormones or surgeries I may need.

Well, I am of the "bald is beautiful" camp, although I will be the first to admit that a shaven head is a definite flag that can make it more difficult to pass.  With a wig on, I rarely get "sirred" when I go out, but without it happens occasionally.

The trans bit you can't do a thing about.  Sorry.    If you're really trans, you're *really trans* (this comes from psych literature, anecdotal experience, and my own personal experience trying to deny it all my life until now).

The poor bit... well, there may be hope there, depending on what country you live in.  The Affordable Care Act in the US *should* be a big help there, as long as your transition is described as "medically necessary".  You may not be able to get bottom surgery, but hormones may very well be covered.  And being poor, there are substantial subsidies.  You may find that it works out to be less to get insurance than to pay for sliding scale therapy out of pocket. 

I'm in the same boat in many ways, and the ocean is bloody huge.  It's scary.  I make good money, but I've got debt, support payments to my ex, and other financial obligations that leave me with very, very little free at the end of the month.  The ironic thing is that those debts and obligations don't figure in to assessing my income for sliding scale stuff.  I'm not certain if I will ever be able to afford bottom surgery, but I will pick up an additional part-time job if I have to in order to transition with hormones.  I guess I'm lucky in that picking up additional work is an option for me.  For those on disability, that's not in the cards.

I have a personal friend who cannot afford *anything*, who has nonetheless transitioned full time.  Her ID and other documents still read "male", which is making it difficult for her to find work (not to mention that she was *severely* testosterone poisoned, and there's no way for her to afford hormones to help with that).  She is also bald, and alas gets five o'clock shadow about thirty minutes after shaving her face clean.  She is far from tragic, though... her voice and mannerisms read "female", her clothing reads "female", and as far as I can tell, when we're out and about, people treat her as a woman with a severe hormonal imbalance (which is, in fact, *true*).  She is an inspiration to me... if she can transition full time, with no money at all, no health care, etc, then I must be capable of doing the same.

Guess I'll end the post here for now... no sense filling the forums with yet-another-novel-by-Robin... feel free to send me a message or ask questions in the forum.  And know you are *not alone* and that there *is* hope. 

*hug*

[Genzen]

robinmack thank you for the inspirational comment!

[Robin Mack]

You are more than welcome, Genzen... I hope it helps.  There are a number of absolutely lovely and inspirational people on these boards who have been through nearly every scenario you can imagine and triumphed.  I am continually amazed by the breadth and depth of experience here... I'm glad you found us!   

[anjaq]

I always find it unbelievable that a supposedly rich and advanced country like the US does not cover this medical procedure that saves so many lives. In Europe I think it is quite common that you dont have to pay anything. Regarding therapy - I did that only because it was required. Our system requires two medical phsychiatrists to do an evaluation plus a therapist to actually do therapy. I went to the gatekeepers and tried to convince them of my needs, I treid 3 different therapists, but it all was nonsense. The first was like "what do you want to talk about" - "well - nothing really. I am here because I have to". Then we chatted about some daily stuff and after the second session I quite because I thought this is leading nowhere. The next was asking me in the first hour stuff about my sex life. That was a no go. Then I decided to just skip this and stick with the doctors, told them that I did not see the point in therapy. I was already "fulltime", on HRT and things went rather ok, even though I did have fears of not passing and bad jobs for lack of a strong personality at that time (as I had "deleted" my faked male personality), but that was nothing a therapist could help me with really. I just had to live and learn.
So I guess invest the money into what is worth it and what is legally needed. If I had to pay for it, I would have tried to get HRT asap and invest money only in the doctors who can give that to me one way or another (I mean with therapy or without, as long as the doc writes a prescription and does the bloodwork). Next would have been investment in any means of getting a legal name change. Then I probably would have started to save up for SRS and only when that was in sight start to go through the hoops again to get the referral letters for that.

[bingunginter]

Yup, pre everything I was poor and balding. The first step I did before anything else is indeed to put all effort to solve the money problem.

[JoanneB]

I am essentially 3 for 3, balding at age 14, 6ft tall, trans and poor. I am also a member of the "There is Always a Way" club. For me a wig is the only viable option. Knowing women with plenty of hair I also know that they complain a LOT about how hot it gets. If you are always used to having a fully ventilated head anything else will feel hot. Also a lot depends on just how much you spend. All wigs are not created equal and you tend to get what you pay for.

There are ways to find the support you need which does not involve a lot therapy. I have found a therapist can help you look at problems in different ways and offer other viewpoints which you may have initially dismissed or overlooked. Comming from someone you are paying and a trained professional carries a lot more weight than my own confused head. However, for me, the absolute best coping mechanism for taking on the trans beast has been my TG group. Though I've known I was different since about the age of 4 and have been dealing with being trans in various ways for over 50 years I was totally unprepared for the feelings that I had during and for days after that first ever meeting I went to.

[MugwortPsychonaut]

I live in Philadelphia, which is becoming the most transgender-friendly city in the country -- possibly the world. It's definitely a destination town for trans people. I talked to my mom the other day about insurance, and she's going to help me look into getting Obamacare.

God/Jeebus/Joe Pesci, I hope this means I can go back to my awesome therapist and continue my transition.

[Lesley_Roberta]

There's a reason a woman will go to a salon, and it costs a small fortune for a hair appointment and a man can go to a barber and it costs almost nothing for a quick hair cut.

The men won't pay for that stupidity

All my life, it was always the case, pay the least amount for the simplest of hair cuts. For several years I had a friend do it at home about once a season. It's just a friggin hair cut after all, not rocket science.

But ladies want something a bit more. They want it coloured or shaped or styled or curled. And the salons know we will pay for it.

Part of the hell of being a woman, is knowing you can't just ignore your hair. And to look at people, you can tell that plenty of men, heck they couldn't care less what their hair looks like. Bed head to a man, is just a fashion statement. They get it wet, they run their hands through it and presto they call it the messy look and they're settled.

I come out of the wind while shopping and my first destination is the rest room to fix my hair. I'm not walking around with my hair in disarray.
I don't mind sitting at my table at Tim Horton's with my hot chocolate and while waiting for it to cool a bit, I take out a comb and maybe fix my hair. I can't picture a man doing that though. I can't picture a man even giving a damn

Yeah it can be hot in the summer, oh well, it likely will be warm in the winter

[Ovada]

I can relate with you
I'm having issues beginning my transition due to financial troubles. And... I'm balding too. ><
Where there is a will, there is a way though.