Can I keep transition secret from my son?

[Carlita]

It's the little green thumbs up button underneath the reputation counter
And some folks do have their Facebook linked up to their account but a lot of us do not.

OK. so I've just used that green button a bunch of times!

I very much agree with the general point that Luna, Randi and Just Shelly have all made in their own ways - and thanks so much for the advice, ladies: I appreciate every word of it!! This is a matter of taking baby steps, a little at a time. It's a bizarre comparison to make, but it's the principle of the frog in boiling water. If you stick a frog straight into a scalding pan (which i wouldn't, by the way!!) it will react in desperate agony. But if you put it in cold water and heat the water gently, it just doesn't notice what's happening ... And I guess that families are like that. If they're confronted with a shocking revelation, they freak out. If they're part of a slow, gently evolving process they adjust, little by little and it's much less traumatic.

And Amira, I've always had the idealistic hope that if my son sees me doing everything I can to make my dream come true, then maybe he will have the confidence to follow his dream too.

Meantime, the beard has got to go! Apart from anything, it's getting greyer by the day. And every silver hair is one more jab of an electrolysis needle ... Not good!

PS: thanks to Kathyk too!

[Randi]

I know a transsexual woman who has had every surgical procedure that Toby Meltzer offers, FFS, BA, GRS etc.   She looks like a very beautiful woman.

She is very loyal to her wife and family so she presents as a man.  She seems quite comfortable with it all.

Randy

[Madison Leigh]

It wouldn't be my first choice to do; but as has been discussed a lot can be done that isn't overtly obvious.  In my case I didn't seriously consider it until my daughter graduated high school.  Once she was out of school, that was really my last barrier to going ahead and I have.  My wife, my ex-wife (who's my best friend now and my daughter's biological mother) sat down and discussed it at length and we decided it was better to be up front with her, lest her piece it together on her own.  They both offered to help with it; but I felt I should do it myself which I did.

My daughter keeps a lot of things internal as I do and I'm sure she probably had questions and concerns that she chose not to voice at the time (and maybe even now); but we had a nice long chat about things while we made dinner one evening and she was very supportive.  I believe it was the right decision to share with her and wouldn't change a thing about how it went down.  As it is now, I think we're even closer than we were before.

[Lesley_Roberta]

Speaking as a parent of a son that has had troubles at school from the usual bullying (nothing to do with his family life) and who has not had the happiest life from his parents both having had troubles (not been an easy 27 years eh), the thing is, my son, is also the one that is the most accepting of me all the same.

On my 50th birthday, he made me a crying mess when he gave me a birthday message he had typed out that was utterly accepting. I have never experienced a better moment in my life. I have told him, he will never want while I am around as a result. He can do no wrong as I see it.

That, and you might want to consider, your son, might know a great deal more than you think he does eh. He might already know all there is to know. 15 doesn't mean stupid

I think hiding this sort of thing from kids, is more about the adults having a problem with it than it has to do with a child having a problem with it. So 'protecting' him for the next 3 years, might really just be no better than insulting him in the process, just writing off his ability to understand.

If you love your son for real, and if he loves you for real, your gender isn't going to change any of that. You might be surprised eh.

Kids say the funniest things. He might well ask, 'so if you become a woman, then does mom get to do you half the time?'.

[Carlita]

Speaking as a parent of a son that has had troubles at school from the usual bullying (nothing to do with his family life) and who has not had the happiest life from his parents both having had troubles (not been an easy 27 years eh), the thing is, my son, is also the one that is the most accepting of me all the same.

On my 50th birthday, he made me a crying mess when he gave me a birthday message he had typed out that was utterly accepting. I have never experienced a better moment in my life. I have told him, he will never want while I am around as a result. He can do no wrong as I see it.

That, and you might want to consider, your son, might know a great deal more than you think he does eh. He might already know all there is to know. 15 doesn't mean stupid

I think hiding this sort of thing from kids, is more about the adults having a problem with it than it has to do with a child having a problem with it. So 'protecting' him for the next 3 years, might really just be no better than insulting him in the process, just writing off his ability to understand.

If you love your son for real, and if he loves you for real, your gender isn't going to change any of that. You might be surprised eh.

Kids say the funniest things. He might well ask, 'so if you become a woman, then does mom get to do you half the time?'.

That was really reassuring ... AND it gave me a laugh at the end. Thanks!