A "Funeral" for My Mother's "Son"?

[ErinM]

My mother has been very supportive and accepting of my transition from day one.  I live at home with her and she has dealt with a lot dealing with her own process as I go through this as well as putting up with my crap as I go through my "second puberty".

Recently I've been going through my "legal transition."  Seeing my Legal Change of Name certificate, new birth certificate and a trickle of mail addressed to Erin has really made this "real" to her.

She has said that she is happy to have a daughter now but is grieving the loss of her son and she wants to do something to bring a sense of closure to this.

I'm just trying to think of some way to honour the passing of the "former me" and was wondering if anyone here has done something similar.

[Madison Leigh]

I was actually contemplating sending my mother an "It's a girl" birth announcement.  I haven't seen/spoken to her in years over an issue with my daughter; but I know it's been a point of interest to her via some family members that did "know"...

[Natkat]

I havent tried that with my parrent. it sound like a sweet thought. But one of my friends who is MTF went to thailand to buy her vegina.
so a yeah after she invited us for her 1 year birthday.

[Lo]

I think a lot of us place too little emphasis on ritual and rites of passage in American culture despite many people needing such things. I know I do, which is why I plan to ritualize my hysto and turn it into an initiative ordeal, to use pagan lingo.

But there's an infinite world of secular rites of passage, too. I've always found the symbolic burning or burying of things to be really cathartic. Throwing a party or making a special food, or heck, a cake with something meaningful written on it, are things I've seen others do for coming out. If an event is warranted, symbols are more important than lots of us give credit for. Maybe your "funeral" could be butterfly-themed, and in the "casket" could be an old shirt and photo of yours that'll get "buried" in a landfill later. Replace eulogies with toasts. And so on.

It doesn't have to be a serious affair, either. It could be affirmative for you, healing for your mother, and fun for everyone involved.

[aleon515]

I think a lot of us place too little emphasis on ritual and rites of passage in American culture despite many people needing such things. I know I do, which is why I plan to ritualize my hysto and turn it into an initiative ordeal, to use pagan lingo.

But there's an infinite world of secular rites of passage, too. I've always found the symbolic burning or burying of things to be really cathartic. Throwing a party or making a special food, or heck, a cake with something meaningful written on it, are things I've seen others do for coming out. If an event is warranted, symbols are more important than lots of us give credit for. Maybe your "funeral" could be butterfly-themed, and in the "casket" could be an old shirt and photo of yours that'll get "buried" in a landfill later. Replace eulogies with toasts. And so on.

It doesn't have to be a serious affair, either. It could be affirmative for you, healing for your mother, and fun for everyone involved.

I agree with this assessment. I think maybe the interest in stuff like Native American culture and so on is due to a lack of integrated rites and passages and so on. I agree you could do something that would be fun for both of you that is more affirming. Balloons with "It's a Girl".    Cakes are good. LOL. Make it more birth or rebirth. Another symbol is the phoenix.

--Jay

[ErinM]

I like the idea of a birth announcement, but I'm planning that for when I have my surgery. I think something saying "It's a girl!" with a ^ and "finally" placed between the a and girl would have just the right tongue in cheek humour.

After reading these posts and talking with a friend I think I may have something of my own ritual developed.  There is this place at a lake where we would go camping ever year when I was growing up. It was at the end of a peninsula and somewhat secluded. I consider this place to be sacred. I'm planning to write a letter to him and give my mother and grandmother the chance to do the same. I would then burn them and release the ashes in the lake.

The theme of my letter would be that my male persona is now released from his responsibility of protecting me all these years, to thank him and acknowledge that part of him will always live on in me.  My mom and grandma could say good bye through their letters in whatever way they need to.

It all actually fits with my and my moms need to let him go and that I am reborn out of the ashes of his misery. After all this isn't a death but a transition.

[Lo]

That sounds really beautiful, ErinM. I'm sure it'll turn out to be a very powerful and memorable experience. :]

[ErinM]

Thanks!

I'm looking forward to it. I think I need this as much as they do.