slowly transitioning into ft girl clothes...

[anjaq]

I started going to her office as male and changing in the washroom before talking to her.  I was still living with my wife so I couldn't travel as female.  Is that an option?

Just one question - Why? Because the therapist wants it? Because it is a rare occasion to do this? I guess I can imagine some reasons ... for me, I never really "dressed" for such an occasion. Well ok, yeah I may have put on some different clothes than on other days to be presentable in a meeting but I guess if you go to a therapist before doing anything else, it is something people will do. Probably is a good way to get the courage to present that way and work with the therapist on getting a timeplan done to go fulltime and all that - this is IMO connected to the "jump into the water" way of basically doing this, dressing at the therapist for the appointment until one day one has the courage to just go fulltime the next day. I personally would never have done this, as it is not just about clothes and makeup but about the whole thing - body language, expression, voice, mannerisms - all of these things sort of come together IMO when doing a gradual approach. This IMO avoids having to "work hard to learn female body language" and such as there is plenty of time to shed old behaviours that do not fit and liberate behaviours that are within oneself and even learn some others while doing a gradual thing. So it grown more "organically". It is an awkward situation though for a while - being sort of bigendered for a while - so this is also not for everyone, I assume. This is all just in my opinion, I dont want to judge anyone for doing it another way that suits them better, my experience with doing it slow was a good one.

They also offered the idea that it would be OK if it had been my brother but not me, as he wore bow ties when he was younger and I did not. If you can find *any* logic in the bow tie as an indicator of transgender people, I would *love* to hear it.

Hey, Bow ties are cool
I never ever wore a tie, the few times I had to I did a bowtie and I am TS, so it has to be so

I found that each time I allowed myself to get a step closer to *me* it made things more bearable at work. It also made me want to go faster! :-) It was great feeling the change between work and home get smaller and smaller and then disappear. :-) I used to loath having to change.

This exactly.
I guess it is a personality thing. I am probably similat ro Akira and Sophie in that I prefer slow gradual changes with not too many jumps. Though of ocurse jumps can be cool too. SRS inevitably is such a jump and it can feel great to do something like that, so I guess to go "fulltime"  in one day may be such a point, though the irreversibility of it is not really given, unlike SRS which made that particular jump interesting for me. Just saying that the slower approach is ok and works and is fine and yes - once started it will definitely accellerate beyond planning and in no time you find yourself "fulltime"...

[Charley Bea(EmeraldP)]

Do you not have any girlfriends to go shopping with you?  Never shop alone, well, unless you really want to.

Only really have two friends both are a couple and wear basically t-shirts and shorts or jeans(like I want to) but one tends to buy from mens section and the other from boys clothes(she is quite small) and so do not really understand the sizing much like me. They are both great girls, have known one for at least three years and the other a year. They are both helping me through my transition and are very supportive.

But no I do not have any girlfriends that can help, I have two I can shop with but not for what I need.

[anjaq]

Haha - yeah  I get you Emerald. I had mostly LBGT friends during transition which did not reyll help when trying to do something like go shopping for clothes. And even if I would have gotten support from my mom, she is shopping in the boys section as well. Lots of butchiness around me at that time - so I shopped with T friends but of course we were good company but maybe not the best judges on style. But I think I still did well 99% of the time

[MaryXYX]

Just one question - Why? Because the therapist wants it? Because it is a rare occasion to do this? I guess I can imagine some reasons ... for me, I never really "dressed" for such an occasion.

Not for the therapist, for myself.  I felt more comfortable speaking to her as Mary than as my old identity.  I had to change there because it was some time before I made the decision to transition.  My wife actually threw me out well before I made the decision, but I did want to postpone that event.

[Sophia Hawke]

I just think its important for a therapist to see you dressed because it shows your serious about it.

[KabitTarah]

:-) Hehe. Their reasoning didn't get any better after that. They also offered the idea that it would be OK if it had been my brother but not me, as he wore bow ties when he was younger and I did not. If you can find *any* logic in the bow tie as an indicator of transgender people, I would *love* to hear it.

Nothing transgender, but does he drive a TARDIS?

[Megumi]

I just think its important for a therapist to see you dressed because it shows your serious about it.

This! I'm dying to see the look on my therapists face on Monday, fingers crossed that I will show up dressed as my real self. During my first appointment I showed up as the man that I've been for 29 years and I don't know if it has any impact on what she thought of me but I did have a crap ton of fears about everything so It's also important for myself to present as a female in public as that is my 2nd/3rd biggest fear. Which should be 1st/2nd after conquering my #1 fear over the weekend.

I just really want her to see the smiling happy woman that I am versus the sad looking man she first saw a week and a half ago.

[Sophia Hawke]

Not to mention, if there is any one place you should be able to feel comfortable, its at your therapist office.  If not, they maybe its time to find a new one.  The office I go to is the only one for like 100 miles that also has a psychiatrist.  There are a ton of people who come in hysterical, wanting to die, psychotic from being awake for over a week ect.   This in a way is somewhat comforting for me since I just think about how much worse a place I could be in.

[Megumi]

Not to mention, if there is any one place you should be able to feel comfortable, its at your therapist office.  If not, they maybe its time to find a new one.  The office I go to is the only one for like 100 miles that also has a psychiatrist.  There are a ton of people who come in hysterical, wanting to die, psychotic from being awake for over a week ect.   This in a way is somewhat comforting for me since I just think about how much worse a place I could be in.

I agree, one should feel 100% comfortable to be who they are at their therapists/psychiatrists office. My problem is the whole distance between my apartment and her office. It's a fear that I got to conquer though for my own sake into transitioning. I didn't see any of that at the office I went to as it was rather late in the day but a guy did hold the door open for me, so I'll take that as a moment of win!

[MaryXYX]

I just really want her to see the smiling happy woman that I am versus the sad looking man she first saw a week and a half ago.

That is a big argument.  Perhaps more for you than for the therapist but even so.

... a guy did hold the door open for me, so I'll take that as a moment of win!

Doesn't it feel good!  Like when a young man steps back to let me get on the bus first.

[Paige]

I agree, one should feel 100% comfortable to be who they are at their therapists/psychiatrists office. My problem is the whole distance between my apartment and her office. It's a fear that I got to conquer though for my own sake into transitioning. I didn't see any of that at the office I went to as it was rather late in the day but a guy did hold the door open for me, so I'll take that as a moment of win!

I really appreciate that my therapist allows me to change in the washroom at her office.  I'm braver now but when I first started with her it was a real benefit.

[KabitTarah]

I really appreciate that my therapist allows me to change in the washroom at her office.  I'm braver now but when I first started with her it was a real benefit.

I've done it twice... and will continue to do so. That might help expand my wardrobe, too!

I use the bathroom in the office building - so some minor chances for people to see me (though my therapist is right across the hall). Then, waiting for him... both weeks there have been other people in the waiting room! There are almost never others in there. My therapist has two others in the group. Still... all of them are there for therapy

[MaryXYX]

For me it wasn't so much not being brave, it was not being able to go home to my wife as female.  One time I changed in the disabled toilet at work and drove to the therapist as female.  Fortunately that wasn't the time I realised my wife was driving the car behind me!

The first time I appeared at the therapist I arrived as male and told the receptionist I had to visit the washroom.  I came out as female and her response was: "Ooh Mary!  You look great!"  That's before the therapist even got to see me.

[Samantha Stone]

I go to my VA therapist always dressed, never even In jeans. It is quite  an experience sitting in the waiting room with a bunch of other male vets.  I surprise myself sometimes, even though I don't wear skirts or dresses every day although I wear female clothes and a bra everyday.  I feel like I need to know if I can,  if  I decide to go further.

Samantha

[anjaq]

Not for the therapist, for myself.  I felt more comfortable speaking to her as Mary than as my old identity.  I had to change there because it was some time before I made the decision to transition.  My wife actually threw me out well before I made the decision, but I did want to postpone that event.

Ok yeah  I somehow get that. But ... well I dont know. Personality did not change for me that much with dressing except if I would maybe have to do some Über-male stuff. Actually if I put up all the Über-feminine stuff I would feel so fake that I would see myself as a "man in drag" more than the woman I am when I just did come there as I did. I was still just me and did not want to need a crutch to be me. But then for me it was different as I was on HRT before I went to the therapist, I dropped the fake male personality weeks before I went there and I did not have to go back to anything, so I just was me - dressing in a way that was andro leaning towards female and relying on other parts of me to be gendered F. But yeah I guess if you are not out and did not start transitioning, but are in the preparation phase of starting this, it makes sense to do something like that...

[spx_1112]

Panties bras leggings tights Camis are all good starts. Hugs Shannon

[KabitTarah]

I should look into bras... won't need them for a while though.

I ordered some size 16 Levis - I hope they fit. They come tomorrow -- a day late for the therapist
My Zulily order should have come today . . . hopefully that will be in the USPS tomorrow before I leave, too.

[anjaq]

Lol, I just remembered - there was this fashion before I transitioned to wear black pantyhose under jeans that were totall worn down and had holes in them. I did that a few times. But I did not use girly pantyhose for it. I sewed patches of colored fabric to the inside of the Jeans instead. That was cool. Late 80ies yeah. I suppose I could have used the boy pantyhose (if they are called that in english?) that I still had but I was getting a bit old for them.

[Cindi Lane]

When I first started seeing a therapist, I was always in male-mode. I didn't think it would make any difference in terms of the value of the session and it was handy to leave work and simply drive there. I learned about myself and gained significant insight and self understanding.

After about a year, my therapist appointment landed on one of my days off and I took the time to pull a day-look together and go to the the appointment presenting en-femme as Cindi. (not my first time presenting in public)

On the drive home that day, I was talking with my wife and I had a double epiphany;
  1) I was actually being who I really am and I was fully present (vs. presenting en-femme) for the first time with my therapist
  2) How I processed feelings and thoughts was different than when I was in Male-Mode

I'm now am very disappointed when I can't be myself when I meet with the therapist.

- Cindi

[KabitTarah]

When I first started seeing a therapist, I was always in male-mode. I didn't think it would make any difference in terms of the value of the session and it was handy to leave work and simply drive there. I learned about myself and gained significant insight and self understanding.

After about a year, my therapist appointment landed on one of my days off and I took the time to pull a day-look together and go to the the appointment presenting en-femme as Cindi. (not my first time presenting in public)

On the drive home that day, I was talking with my wife and I had a double epiphany;
  1) I was actually being who I really am and I was fully present (vs. presenting en-femme) for the first time with my therapist
  2) How I processed feelings and thoughts was different than when I was in Male-Mode

I'm now am very disappointed when I can't be myself when I meet with the therapist.

- Cindi

Is there a bathroom there you can change in? That's what I do... though usually I go in something not too fem (jeans, girl shirt or sweater).