I feel like I've failed as a man.

[Lauren5]

You're not alone. My family treats their last name very preciously, and even though my dad had 5 brothers that would pass it down, those 6 brothers only produced 5 sons, along with 10 daughters. Of those 5 sons, one is married, one is disabled, one is becoming a priest, I'm transgendered, and one is too young to tell. The thought of having only 2 that can pass down the family name worries him (of course, he thinks it's 3, or, I'm not sure. He had a period where he thought for sure I was gay, and pretended to not know that that was,) and it impacts me as well, I feel, as much grief as my family gives me, that I've let them down in this aspect, as well as many other supposed "masculine" activities. I never made the football team in high school, or wrestled, or cared much about anything like hunting or whatever that my dad wanted to get me into.
Hang on, we'll get through this. It'll work itself all out.

[TerriT]

This might be a little OT but I've always held a certain amount of admiration and respect towards strong, confident men. Or men like my father. Or generally, men who are good fathers. Men who do take their responsibilities to their families first, and they make sacrifices for them. I guess I have an idealized standard of what men are supposed to be, and I think it is a good standard and something worth taking a great deal of pride in achieving.

In that case, I think there are a lot of failures who wish they were men. You see them all the time. "Men" who are arrogant, insecure jerks who treat others like crap. Or "men" who have abandoned their children. Or "men" who are nothing but low life thugs. Or "men" who beat their wives. Or "men" who commit rape, incest, molest their nieces and all that horrible group. Those "men" are the real failures as far as I'm concerned. I know who I am and I didn't have to ruin anyone else's life to prove it.

[Rachel]

A lot of the guys I know are jerks. They cheat, lie and treat woman as servants. Many guys have a lot of sex with woman and treat then like crap. They have so much crap nonsense about how inferior woman are. I never bought into that way of life.

I guess I failed as a man. I am with the 1st person who loved me and for 23 years. She found a drunk 325 lbm person drinking to death in a real dive bar.  I bonded to her and owe her my life.

I am the last of my line for family name, oh well.

I just recently am mostly present during sex, as opposed to being in a black void. I can feel and connect. I love the feel of skin against me and to look into her face; I missed a lifetime of contact.

I was afraid of everything and I mean everything less the last 4 months.   

[Megumi]

You're not alone. My family treats their last name very preciously, and even though my dad had 5 brothers that would pass it down, those 6 brothers only produced 5 sons, along with 10 daughters. Of those 5 sons, one is married, one is disabled, one is becoming a priest, I'm transgendered, and one is too young to tell. The thought of having only 2 that can pass down the family name worries him (of course, he thinks it's 3, or, I'm not sure. He had a period where he thought for sure I was gay, and pretended to not know that that was,) and it impacts me as well, I feel, as much grief as my family gives me, that I've let them down in this aspect, as well as many other supposed "masculine" activities. I never made the football team in high school, or wrestled, or cared much about anything like hunting or whatever that my dad wanted to get me into.
Hang on, we'll get through this. It'll work itself all out.

I completely understand you. My dad was the only male born in his family with 4 sisters. The end of the line stops with me as I know 100% that I will never have a child through the "normal" way if any way to be honest. I feel like I've failed my entire family and to that all I can do is shrug my shoulders. Because I really never was a man to begin with and I know it for a fact.

[Lauren5]

I completely understand you. My dad was the only male born in his family with 4 sisters. The end of the line stops with me as I know 100% that I will never have a child through the "normal" way if any way to be honest. I feel like I've failed my entire family and to that all I can do is shrug my shoulders. Because I really never was a man to begin with and I know it for a fact.

I don't know if I was really a man to begin with, I didn't know the differences between them until I was nearly 12. Of course, I never knew about homosexuality until then either, but in my mentality at that age, and that I have kept, I never cared who married who, as long as they loved eachother.
I still don't get the idea of passing down the family name anyways. First off, no one agrees how to spell it, and second, no one but me recognises what the correct spelling really is!
I'm coming up with a whole new last name for myself when I come up with a first name.

[Heather]

By reading some of the commits on this thread you would think that just because you didn't do what a male is stereotypically supposed to do you fail as a man? I never really did what normal men did either but that doesn't mean I failed as one. I don't think a man or a woman can fail at their gender, a man can be just as feminine as a woman is and there is nothing wrong with that. People are different and not every man is the same like every woman is not the same.
Who's to say had I been born a woman I would have been super successful at it? I seem to be successful at being myself, but that's because I stopped trying to fit in the preconceived notion of what a man or a woman is supposed to be, and I just concentrate on being the best Heather I can be.

[Natkat]

Does any other MtF ever get this?

Perhaps I'm just fretting. But it's really confusing and difficult to get my head around this gender issue. I've said before that I only tend to feel happy in my gender when sex is on the brain, and that's probably due to the power of testosterone over my body, as it drives the urges.

But then I also have this nagging feeling, like I've not done enough sexually as a man, and I've only had one long term girlfriend and there's so much more as a man that I could experience. I have this horrible feeling in my mind that if I transition it's like I'm not good enough to be a man? Not in any way saying that men are better than woman, but I mean me personally. Like I've failed. I don't know if I'm articulating this well enough, or if I'm just talking nonsense, but I'd like to know if anybody else has felt like this.

Oh gender issues are far from easy.

for me it dosn't sound as you failed
why? because you havent dont enough sexually but only had 1 long term girlfriend.

Honestly its more than I could say. I never really had a long term relationship, and I think it more valued than random sexual stuff you can do. I think even when alot of guys are pretty sexual minded, specially around puperty I think deep down they care more for a good relationship.

so for me it not a fail.

[KarynMcD]

I feel like I've failed my entire family and to that all I can do is shrug my shoulders.

If you did have children and they were only girls, would you still have "failed" as a man because the name wouldn't continue?

[Sephirah]

Does any other MtF ever get this?

Perhaps I'm just fretting. But it's really confusing and difficult to get my head around this gender issue. I've said before that I only tend to feel happy in my gender when sex is on the brain, and that's probably due to the power of testosterone over my body, as it drives the urges.

But then I also have this nagging feeling, like I've not done enough sexually as a man, and I've only had one long term girlfriend and there's so much more as a man that I could experience. I have this horrible feeling in my mind that if I transition it's like I'm not good enough to be a man? Not in any way saying that men are better than woman, but I mean me personally. Like I've failed. I don't know if I'm articulating this well enough, or if I'm just talking nonsense, but I'd like to know if anybody else has felt like this.

Oh gender issues are far from easy.

Life isn't a test. It's not something you can fail at. It's just something you live. How you live it is determined by the individual. What it means to be a man, what it means to be a woman, these are also determined by the individual. Insomuch as you are the human being.

Not being ruled by your reproductive organs doesn't make you less of anything. It makes you more of a sentient person, with emotion, the capacity to think, to feel. To decide for yourself the way you want to live.

You're good enough to be whatever you want to be. However you want to be it.

[suzifrommd]

Oddly, I feel exactly the opposite of OP.

I've succeeded as a man.

I've had a satisfying sex life (up until the last few years of my marriage), with a lot of variety and adventure when I was single. I've been good to my family, I've been successful at my career(s) and a good example to the people around me. Although I'm not macho, can't fight, can't build or fix stuff, and lack a few other skills traditionally expected of men, I don't think that has anything to do with success as a male.

OTOH, I feel like I have a lot to learn to be successful as a FEMALE.

The kind of woman I aspire to be is sensitive to the feelings of the people around her, is a good friend, is nurturing and patient, and lifts the spirits of the people around her.

I have a long way to go.

I tend to step on people's feelings (and then berate myself afterward for being so obtuse), am self-centered and self-involved, am prone to irritation, and frequently let my stress boil over onto everyone else.

*SIGH*