And that's when you know estrogen is starting to mess with your head

[Apples Mk.II]

Boredom is part of my life. When it comes to OkCupid, I don't mind a bit of flirting if it comes from another side of the world and there is no posibility of stepping on a landmine or a bear trap, but everything has a limit:



Soo, multiple ideas come across my mind, imagination running widly:


1: Block him and disconnect. Playtime is over

2: Send a pic of my back and buttchecks with no face showing

3: Let my bum hair grow for one month and send a photo

4: Say that I'm kinda old for doing those things, sorry.


The fact that I've considered option 2 and want to cause effect on men (or just act as an attention wh*r*w / c*mwh*r*) is an odd reminder that sometimes I get an urge of acting as a slut and libido starts playing on its own. The last time I sent partial nudes my chest was flat and I was muscled, and right now I'm blushing after chatting with the girl I sent them to and remembering it. Guess I needed to be reassured about my manhood on that era...

In the end, best solution should be 4:  followed by 5: Go take a cold shower, but today's cold is freezing to the point of pain, and I'm not interested in catching Autumn's first cold.

[Jessica Merriman]

Way too much "E" in my system to answer how I would right now. I am afraid little Jessica is going to be a little hard to control, know what I mean. Tough decision though. You crack me up Sprout! Love ya. Take care. Oh what the heck, 4 then 5.

[Robin Mack]

*ROFL*  Thank you, this post made my day! 

[JLT1]

Yep...hard to control sometimes.

Sprout...You look GREAT.  I have not seen a picture of you before.  My God, those eyes........

[Jessica Merriman]

My God, those eyes........

No kidding! I pass successfully one day a year, Halloween! (sometimes). Some of these girls kill me. 

[Apples Mk.II]

Sprout...You look GREAT.  I have not seen a picture of you before.  My God, those eyes........

Thanks, yet...

Although I've been told that I had a nice eye form; On the other side, a good eyeliner really makes the difference, so much I look completely different without it:


three months ago

If anybody wants to know just let me know and zi'll look for the brand.


Edit:
Too Faced 3.Way Lash Lining Tool



PS: If somebody has seen the unedited message, please don't quote or mention it. I was explicitly told about how to block and cancel it by the shrink instead of writing about it. It left me so shocked that after  getting up from the couch I fainted to such a level that I spent a few seconds wondering where the heck was I, everything darkened... I don't remember ever being so bad. Wonder if the temperature drop had also something to do with it.

[Lexi Belle]

Lmao.  I didn't go through anything quite like that as I've had my boyfriend since right about when I first started.  I did notice though, I went from simply being attracted to him to completely being flirtatious and aroused A LOT during our conversations.

I think after the testosterone drained out and E was kicking in my system my libido exploded.  Before I had mild urges like, twice a week which I never did anything with.  Now I get these crazy cravings that are almost unbearable.

[Shantel]

I never had any inclinations concerning men but after several months on E my brain took a swing to the other side and I strapped on a guy for a cheap thrill, although it didn't go well and will forever only be a one shot experiment. Suppose it would have helped if I had a vagina back then, but it didn't seem to bother him. Meanwhile my brain swung back to center eventually and I'm as "normal" as it gets for any TG type.

[Jessica Merriman]

Now I get these crazy cravings that are almost unbearable.

AMEN SISTER, WHEW! And the dreams!!!! Poor Gina is getting tired of "talking me down" and back to reality.

[Apples Mk.II]

Good morning. Let's go wit the debriefing.

Option 6) I watched Samurai Jack while eating cheetos and drinking alcohol free beer. And that's the end of the story.

Usually, this things don't go beyond a point of imagination, I don't even "release steam" later. Because honestly? I feel like an eunuch.


Back in 2009 everything worked perfectly as a sex adicted 25 year old, but around 2011 things started failing. more difficulties raising and keeping high the flag pole, and sessions that ended in not doing anything. I tried nearly everything. Weirdest porn and doujins plus dildos, plugs etc worked for a time, but after that, meh. I lost interest in sex. THings got worse in 2012 with two girls. Sure, I was horny all the time, but never got to function in the crucial moment. Already acting like a lesbian. I was glad it was over... 3 monhts later I was at full GID.

And since HRT, everything's the same. I've bee in an out of antidepressant and I know that after stopping them it works perfectly, but... Still no motivation. Whenever I try to do it is like wrangling an  oscar mayer Jumbo Sausage only stuck to my body with tape, I just stop when the lube has stopped. I try to add things with imagination, but it does not seem to be enough. Apart from some morning horniness on weekends before coming out of bed, I get nothing.

And here comes the eunuch thing: The pole is just a pole, but at five months I haven't gotten any sexual change. No  erogenous reaction to my breast, and the growing paint went away some time ago, and the few times I manage to get the down thing to finish, still male in feeling (if there is feeling at all).

And that's everything. Whenever somebody flirts with me, I react with extreme nausea (particularlly men, I take it better from women). I've wondered about if an hetero girl asked me to act the old way, but I end crawling in repulsion and fear). Dunno. Maybe if I was in actual dating I would be able to feel some kind of atraction (casual encounters does not count), but single player does not seem to be included in this game.



Damn. And that's why I spend the day watching cartoons and ranting on internet...

[Lesley_Roberta]

Heheh

I don't have the benefit of any HRT influences as of yet...... but I DO often day dream of a day when I am able to turn a man's head.

Can't picture it happening outside of my day dreams, but I do hope some day it isn't virtually impossible. I've seen girls pushing strollers and wondered, how DID they get knocked up? no one can buy THAT much beer hehe. But it makes me wonder, I'm not THAT bad looking.... and I am left to ponder my future potential.

I don't want a man, can't picture ever wanting a man, I just want the body that a man would want

I am unsure how HRT will modify my thinking though.

[Apples Mk.II]

Sent him a  4, still asking. Last time I waws asked something like this it switched of the lights and took a photo of a wall. "Here, my ass after dark". So I ended the thing with a "No means No" and procceeded to block it.


I'm wondering wheter to take a sexy photo of me (no face visible), but send it to a gay friend. If he likes it, it's a bad sign that I still look like a man. If not...
That's the issue. My face seems to have a pass right now, but I am worried about my body, specially about looking like a dude under the clothes, since I am more oriented towards girls.

[Lesley_Roberta]

Without the face, you're really just objectifying yourself though and risking psychological issues you might not realize at first.

You are not your body, you are the person in it.

When you can't accept the face on the body, then you need to ask yourself why not?

I don't hate my face per se, I just don't like that it looks too male still. But I would never expose myself in any fashion in an image if it wasn't all of me. If I'm going to turn a person on, I'm doing it with all of me or not at all

[Robin Mack]

I'm wondering wheter to take a sexy photo of me (no face visible), but send it to a gay friend. If he likes it, it's a bad sign that I still look like a man. If not...
That's the issue. My face seems to have a pass right now, but I am worried about my body, specially about looking like a dude under the clothes, since I am more oriented towards girls.

I really do not recommend you do this; while it may seem like a valid test to you, there are many uncontrolled variables.  Perhaps this friend is slightly bisexual (even if he doesn't admit it to himself)....

But that is really beside the point.  Something that I have learned (quite recently, in fact) is that I pass when I accept myself as a woman.  And when I accept myself as a woman, I no longer *need* to pass.  It's one of those semi-mystical "nothing succeeds like success" things.  There are many women who have extremely masculine features who, nonetheless, pass every day because they are simply being who they are; a woman with very masculine features.

All the mannerisms, all the voice therapy, the makeup, the hairstylings, etc. in the world won't work beyond the initial impression if we don't embrace and accept our inner gender. 

IMO, this is one of the reasons why so many women reach their magical transition moment of male-fail after being on HRT for some time... I've read the stories time and time again.  It's not like a magic lightning bolt hits them and suddenly they are a woman in menswear.  What has happened is they have accepted themselves fully, at least for a while.

I'm still pre-HRT.  I'm 6'4" tall, and my female voice is still pretty shaky (so far I refuse to do much more than tighten my voicebox and speak at the upper end of my normal range, removing chest resonance and changing inflections a bit... I refuse to sound like a drag queen. but I have noticed that when I am out and presenting female I am accepted best when I forget to present myself at all; when I act like myself, just less inhibited.  I've always been a girl, now I am learning to be a woman. 

I hope this helps... I know where you are coming from with that, and I know *I* wasn't ready to hear it when my girlfriend/fiancee proposed it to me, that I needed to worry less about passing and more about just being me... but I've thought about it, and just recently I've begun to experience it for myself, and it is a huge difference.

*hug*

-Robin

[Apples Mk.II]

Perhaps this friend is slightly bisexual (even if he doesn't admit it to himself)....

Trust me. I tried. And sadly I'm not the first one. He literally has girls hanging from his biceps. Literally. Everybody hast to take a photo with him.

[Shakti]

I think after the testosterone drained out and E was kicking in my system my libido exploded.  Before I had mild urges like, twice a week which I never did anything with.  Now I get these crazy cravings that are almost unbearable.

I know, I was not expecting this because everyone told me that my libido would go down, and it did for a while until my hormone levels got in the normal female range, then OMG and arousal is like this whole body sensation now, it can be very distracting.

[Lexi Belle]

I know, I was not expecting this because everyone told me that my libido would go down, and it did for a while until my hormone levels got in the normal female range, then OMG and arousal is like this whole body sensation now, it can be very distracting.

That is a wild understatement.  I get all crazed, but it's also disappointing.  As soon as I look down, nope. Moment gone.
SOMEDAY!