Sooner or later it had to happen. After receiving the last clothes a I needed and thanks to the improved weather that allowed me for reusing clothing, My first full week came to an end.
I had been alternating male in female since my first time out in April. The first times, it was a complete trainwreck Putting makeup took me ages, and the wig kept tangling all the time, so in the end I was doing one or two days per week. Things Improved in August when I had a decent amount of hair, the regrowth started and cheap summer clothing became available.
Still, anxiety and depression almost caused me to revert. After a sick leave, I decided it was time to reclaim what was mine. I spent two days grooming again, preparing my clothes, cleaning the brushes... This time there would be no errors to use as excuses for reverting to simple and easy male mode.
And so, the week began:
- Monday: dressing again never felt so good. In all new clothes (first leggings), I visited my Boss and gave him the paperwork for the leave, and my emergency phone line. Not a lot more to do, so I took a stroll across the park, shopped for groceries... And so, the day ended.
- Tuesday: here is where we discuss if I actually have been full time. It was time to recover my form at the gym, so I put some tights, shaved, put mascara and beard cover and went out in and odd mixture of clothing, male and female. Oh, and black nail polish. I always wanted to wear it. I had to use the men's changing room, although only for leaving my backpack.
Not a lot more, that was the end of the day.... Or so I thought. Despite thousands of excuses, I went to an lgbt support group for my first time, and the feeling was of wanting to repeat. I even rewarded myself with a kebab.
-Wednesday: Time to see my best friend from work and her newborn daughter. We bought a few cosmetics (loving my new mascara) and visited a few clothing shops. It was a good time telling stories and... Well, another cheek kiss from a man (the usual greeting here). He was gay and well shaved, but I really don't like the contact when I'm loaded with so much makeup (specially the beard cover)
- Thursday: And back to the gym again. After the session, I was gendered as female in a stationery shop, despite my odd intermediate aspect. Not a lot more to tell. That's what happens when you are free during a work week.
During the afternoon I talked with my father to ask them for the financial help I needed (something I rejected after being insulted), and ended crying when asked about work. To end the day, more crying after seeing my penis reflected in a mirror. GID struck me as it never had before.
- Friday: A day feeling gorgeous! My friend had invited me to coffee and cake in order to lift my mood in a new coffee shop. She complimented me about my make up, we giggled about how handsome the bartender was, and went shopping, looking on several stores until I found the coat of my dreams. How many male years I longed for wearing something like that....
- Saturday: National holiday, so everything's closed and I had no plans of going outside. A perfect day to let my face take a break from the razor.... And that's when I was introduced to one of the little drawbacks of full time: the quick trips.
In order to go out and buy snacks and drinks, I had to spend almost 20 minutes shaving, putting make up, fixing the hair piece....etc. This is the moment that usually I would say "whatever" and get my old male clothing, glasses and hair in a ponytail and do a quick unimportant errand. A "Minor sin".
Not a lot more, save for an out of control libido that took me to doing riskee photos... Such a so weird experience.
- Sunday: the bad day had to come. Anticipating a visit, spent all the morning cleaning the place, and started putting the make up. My father was going to see me for the first time and did not want to look like the Ecce Mono. I even needed a pill of lorazepam in order to keep my hand steady while putting the eyeliner.
Well, you know how it ends. He does what he came to do, leaves and make a quite clear that I'm not allowed to visit them unless I revert to male.
With again a low mood, I ended in some sex encounters chat, and oddly, flirting and imagining sex felt incredibly, to the point of considering an encounter... I escaped Cinderella style.
And that's it. 45 days late compared to my originally intended full time date, but I finally made it. Now I'm thinking if it is the time to get rid of all of my male clothing once and for all, since I have no intention of putting it ever again.
And regarding visiting my parents, I have a better idea: I still have feminine clothing of masculine cut (straight jeans and shirt), so I guess that will be my clothing in case I have to go back. But If my breasts keep growing at a steady rate, not even the manliest blouse will make look male.
