Should I tell my guardian?

[Rafael del Corazon]

I'm wondering whether to tell my aunt about my transitioning. I've been changing in the car on the way to school for a while. More like since the beginning of the skool year. She's begun to notice my masculine clothing and she disapproves of it and wishes to feminize me more. She lectures me on so many things. I want to be a boy, and I don't care how hard it is. Occasionally I dress to please her but I am beginning to hate it more and more. If I tell, I'm afraid she'll kill me! But if I don't tell, I may get caught and that's even worse! My two male cousins, who are older may disown me and I love them...
Ohh~ What should I do... (sigh)

[Cassandra]

Hi Rafael,

Deciding when and who to tell is probably one of the hardest things we can do. You have to weigh all the consequences against the benefits. If you are regularly dressing for public then it is only a matter of time before you are discovered so you should probably tell your aunt before she finds out on her own. The timing of the telling is what you have to work out. As to your cousins they may surprise you as may your aunt. Careful though, don't spring it on anyone you don't have to until your ready, remembering also that if you are living full time they will find out rather you tell them or not(if they don't already know). People talk and word can spread rather quickly, especially if you live in a small or even medium sized town.

Fortunately for you, physically you are a girl dressing as a boy so people tend not to give it as much attention as a boy dressing as a girl. So you may be able to get away with it for awhile before anyone catches on. Eventually though people will start to talk. Use your best judgement, but if you are going to transition you have to tell.

Cassie

[Susan]

I'm wondering whether to tell my aunt about my transitioning. I've been changing in the car on the way to school for a while. More like since the beginning of the skool year. She's begun to notice my masculine clothing and she disapproves of it and wishes to feminize me more. She lectures me on so many things. I want to be a boy, and I don't care how hard it is. Occasionally I dress to please her but I am beginning to hate it more and more. If I tell, I'm afraid she'll kill me! But if I don't tell, I may get caught and that's even worse! My two male cousins, who are older may disown me and I love them...
Ohh~ What should I do... (sigh)

You said you were 14 that is something else to take into consderation. The easiest way is to wait 4 years till you are a legal adult and then you make the decision not her. Can you stick it out 4 years? if so wait, if not tell her and try to start a transition process. Most people won't kill ya even if come out to them. However, if you transition but it can seriously affect your relationship with them sometimes in good ways sometimes in bad. Be ready before coming out to lose everyone who ever loved you. All your friends. All your family. Then anything less is a good thing and something you weren't counting on.

[Shelley]

And most importantly,

The first reaction is likely not to be the final one. Given time most will come a round to accepting in varying degrees. Obviously some will be more accepting than others but the big thing is allowing time for others to come to terms with what you have told them.

Good luck Rafael and remember we are here.

Hugs Shelley

[beth]

           My feeling is the most overlooked factor in coming out is educating those we come out too. Everyone has gross misconceptions about transsexuality, it's causes, it's incurability etc. Many don't know the difference between trans and gay. A short well written article about transsexuals should be given to those we come out to. You should also write down exactly how you feel and how this is all affecting you so they understand that. Without proper knowledge your aunt will argue "You are not a boy, you will not wear boys clothes period" once the argument starts no one learns a thing.

beth

[Susan]

In other words: Expect the worst, hope for the best.

More like Plan on the worst, hope for anything less.

[Dennis]

I second Susan's advice. If you can wait till 18, do so. You're in a dependent position here, which is an awkward position to be in when you're thinking of sharing news like this. Particularly because she might then have the reaction of trying to hyper-femme you and make your life miserable by stuffing you into pink flouncie things.

At least you can probably get away with fairly masculine dress if she doesn't know.

And, I would talk to a therapist or counsellor before making the decision to tell her so that you can approach it in a reasoned, rational way.

Dennis

[Andre]

Hey Rafael! Just let her figure out...one must express his feelings cause consequences can be serious.

Buddy Andre

ps Damn where is my dictionary?!

[Leigh]

ps:  www.dictionary.com