We have similar stories, at least in the latter part. My dad also pushed the military on my, but I managed to avoid, mostly because he's capable of paying for school for me, but he'd prefer to have that money so he could run off with the woman he's been having an affair with over the past year to three. I grew up getting nothing but buzzcuts, always told how strong I am and how much stronger I'd get, and what a great soldier I'd make. I went along with it because I didn't know any better. It wasn't until I was nearly 12 when I realized several things about the world. One, boys and girls are different, not just anatomically. Secondly, how I didn't really relate with the other guys my age. I was always off in daydream land, rarely on target. But I still somehow managed to top my class in 6th grade, even being recommended to take 9th grade math in 7th grade (that didn't happen due to a move.) I was even asked out by a cute girl, but I said no. I didn't know why at the time. After that year, I started to wane in performance, but physical and academic. I wasn't interested in many things anymore. It was almost like depression. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was. But I had no idea what caused it. It took me until 9th grade, when I started delving onto the internet, before I realized my feminine side completely. I always portrayed myself as a woman. I don't know why. Then, on one site, someone found out the truth. Fortunately, the weren't upset, just discovered I was trans. I didn't know anything about that. Since then, I've dealt with depression, anxiety, and a few suicide attempts along with them because I couldn't truly express who I was.
You've done the right thing in seeking help from others. We're always here to help. We love you, and never want anything bad to happen to you, and more than anything, we want you to do what you feel deep down is right. I finally came to terms with myself last Wednesday, battling what some people said, saying that I'm somewhat attractive for a man, and that I could plead a good life with a well paying job, a nice house, a lovely family, and a beautiful wife. But that's not what I wanted. I want to be a woman. In fact, I am a woman, I tell myself. I don't see myself as anything else.
Take a good moment to sit down and have a chat for yourself. Ask yourself, what do you really want from life? Do you want to follow what you've been told since childhood? Or do you think that's wrong, and want to change that.
If you have questions, need to vent, or just want a shoulder to cry on, I'm right here, shoot me a PM. Pretty much everyone else on this site is willing to listen as well.
I've just met you, but I have faith in you yet
