To bring folks up to speed I came out to my wife about four months ago. This has not gone over well with her and she is seeking a divorce but at least it is not the war of the roses in terms of how nice we are still to each other. So this was the weekend that my wife and I agreed that she would move out into her parents house while I was in North Carolina for a friends wedding. I've been home for about an hour and when I got here the house was of course a mess from someone moving out quickly with the help of a two year old little boy. I expected that. What I didn't expect was the devistation and loneliness that I'm feeling from seeing half empty rooms, stray piles of her clothes, my sons toys here and there. It was like walking into a house half sorted from a funeral. And I'm sitting here crying as I type because it feels that they are gone. I miss them both so much

I've missed them all weekend but only in that "I'll see them when I get home" way. Not the "I can't get a hold of them by phone to see if I can come by and visit" way. Oh god I so want to pick up my little boy and hold him. I love him so much... I want to hear him running through the house making trouble and babbling about shoes and how he wants an Oreo cookie.
I know I have to clean this up and getting moving if I'm ever going to feel better being here but it hurts so much. I might go see some friends for a bit and then come back to the piles of laundry and scattered toys and dishes.

Thank you guys for being here if you're reading this. I really just needed to get it out, sound it out, and wipe away the tears so that I can get motivated being the only one in this big empty house.