I do not know what I am...

[Delacroix]

Hallo ladies and gentleman,                                         
First of all I want to say that this is my First post at all
about my problem.

Im 22 years Old and Im struggled in my Problem now for about 12 years.

It All began in the elementry School in the 4th grade. My
Former Friends started to Talk about Girls and stuff like that (they were
A couple of years older than me). We did a Lot of camping earlier that days
so I could easylie listen what they were talking about. Sex etc.  That days I started
to wish that I would have been Born as a Girl. These thoughts lasts until now. 2 years later I started
to steal my mothers underwear and weared during Nights under my boxershorts. That Phase Last almost 2 more years. When I was 14 I had my First girlfriend   Everytime we had sexual intercourse the Thing that turned me in was the thoughts that i am in her Body giving my boydriend sex or ->-bleeped-<- or something Else. Until today I had several girlfriend Bit the Thing that really turned me on was my thoughts. I wanted to be in their Body and wanted to do that Things my a Male.


Also im a very ahn Person and my Feelings are very stronk. Sometimes i hear sad Music im about to Start crying for no reason. I like the Imagination of me being a beatiful women, go Shopping sleep with Guys, watching female Friendly Shows linke greys anatomy etc.

I just come out here now behause im 22 and im at a Point in my life I have to do the Important decisions. (University 5th term Bachelor ) next year i Need to find a Job a New House etc

Also im afraid. If i come out in 15 years Results of Transition wont ne like if i Start now.

Im afraid of Living the wrong life all my life.





Sorry for the Bad english im from Germany

[Cindy]

Hi, and welcome to Susans! We have people come to visit us from all over the world, expressing different points of view, and you are likely to find someone to help you along your way Here are some important links and things to ponder as you begin your journey here.

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You are a very lovely and very normal human being.

There is nothing to be ashamed of and you are among friends here

Hugs

Cindy

[Delacroix]

Thanks for the warm welcome cindy

[Cindy]

Where in Germany are you? I'm in Australia but I liked my time in Europe, many years ago.

[Delacroix]

Well I wont Tell my actually adress in the Internet but lower saxony should clear it up

[Taka]

welcome, delacroix.

you really sound like you're a girl, rather than androgyne. have you read much on the mtf boards yet?
living the wrong life, or living your life pretending to be someone else, is taxing. if you are sure that you want to get to know yourself better so you can make the right choices as early as possible, why don't you find a gender therapist to talk to? there should be fair possibilities in germany, at least they have better surgeons, if you decide to take that route.

[Delacroix]

Well im totally Not Sure what I am. But of you Think it. Matches better into the mtf section feel free to move

edit:

Further Im actually very afraid of talking to a gender therapist. I dont know. For me they are doctors which laugh about me when I leave the doctors office

[Taka]

i'm not telling you to move. just suggesting you take a look there as well. we love people here, and i would be delighted to see you here a lot.

i don't hink i've heard too much bad about gender therapists. well, at least not private practitioners. the good thing about doctors is that you can just leave if you don't think they'll be helpful to you. if you're too afraid right now, just stay here for a while, and try to sort out your thoughts. reading other people's experiences and sharing your own can help you find out what you really want.

[Shantel]

i'm not telling you to move. just suggesting you take a look there as well. we love people here, and i would be delighted to see you here a lot.

i don't hink i've heard too much bad about gender therapists. well, at least not private practitioners. the good thing about doctors is that you can just leave if you don't think they'll be helpful to you. if you're too afraid right now, just stay here for a while, and try to sort out your thoughts. reading other people's experiences and sharing your own can help you find out what you really want.

I second that plan! 

[Kendall]

Hi Delacroix , I don't diagnose but maybe take a look in MTF to make sure and receive inspiration and check out their experiences. I tried to see in your post any indicator of being androgyne internally unless there is something I am missing, and you didn't mention anything that stands out. Might be worth your wild to check out the other MTF boards. And if they don't sound like how you identify then come back.

[Ginger Maxim]

I also wish I knew what I was. I have so many mixed feelings.

I hope you are able to figure out where you belong if that makes any sense.

I am still confused about this whole  things, never really understood any of it.

[Red Leicester]

Well im totally Not Sure what I am. But of you Think it. Matches better into the mtf section feel free to move

edit:

Further Im actually very afraid of talking to a gender therapist. I dont know. For me they are doctors which laugh about me when I leave the doctors office

Do not be afraid, my friend.  They will not laugh at you, or behind your back.

It is best to address your gender when you are still young.