Preparing for first appointment

[foreversarah]

With my first appoint from the referral to Town Close in a couple of days I am excited but also slightly nervous.

I've been to a psychologist before as well as a counsellor for depression. Each time (particularly with the psychologist with my parents when I came out) it has been expressed that I don't do much talking and it's mainly them. Which is fine and I agree. A lot of it is probably down to nerves.

So this time I have decided to prepare however I can.

As I write this I realise that with the psychologist and counsellor in a sense it was down to me how the session went. I'm that I would talk about what problems I had that week, we would then talk about how I could deal with it in the future. I would then talk about what went well that week, and then we would talk about how to repeat that and focus on it.

However in a couple of days I don't really know what will happen because they know what is going on slightly and ask me questions about it. I want to be able to answer and talk fully. Often with the psychologist because of my nerves I could only manage a yes or no, or sometimes a short follow-up sentence.

I guess it doesn't help that my transgender issues have been locked up from anyone else for 22 years of my near 23 years alive. Perhaps kind of like how I was with depression. It took me ages to seek a doctor's help and my depression was hidden from my parents for months after until my mum found my anti-depressants on my bed side drawer.



Anyway, I thought that he best way to prepare would to write down about my 'gender conflicts' (possibly the wrong phrase) on a piece of paper (as a prompt to help any nerves). This is something I've thought about particularly in the last week. For example, preferring to play with a doll and a pram as a child, hating my beard as well as having to shave it, being adverse to dating any girls despite being attracted to them, and refusing to get in any sort of 'rough and tumble play' with male friends etc.

Or am I looking at this in completely the wrong angle (I wouldn't be surprised if I am)!

[Jenny07]

I opened up to a therapist a couple of months back now so know just how stressful it is talking about this.
I tried preparing but honestly it was not needed.

I have had to see therapist to cope with a few awful things in life in the past.
Rule one when talking to a therapist, speak from the heart and don't try to overthink things.
Let it come out naturally. They can usually tell if your making it up or forcing it.
The only thing I considered was how do I say it.
I have gender issues, I don't fit in as a male, etc short and direct.

A good therapist will ask probing questions which is were you add the details and other things. No need to prepare.
Remember you are there or you so you need to feel comfortable with them. I have had a few that were not good including one that burst into tears when I mentioned an issue so bad. I did not see her again.

Just be you and it is so empowering once it is out of the bag.

Don't stress, I know you will, as it will be just fine.

Jen

[FTMDiaries]

Nah, you're looking at it exactly the right way. Preparing some notes in advance will help you organise your thoughts and reduce your anxiety.

The first thing to bear in mind is that the therapist deals with gender-dysphoric people every day of their working lives, so they'll recognise the signs when they see them. All you have to do is tell them about your experiences, and they'll join the dots themselves. The purpose of the initial assessment is two-fold: a) to see whether you describe symptoms of gender dysphoria; and b) to rule out any mental illness.

They'll ask you about your current state of being (i.e. what's triggered your need to seek their help at this point in your life), and they'll ask you about your background. So to prepare for this, write down why you currently feel dysphoric and in what way (social? physical? sexual? etc.). Think about how these things make you feel emotionally, how they affect your sense of self, how they impact on your day-to-day activities.

Then write down whatever you can remember of your earlier experiences (e.g. childhood, teenage, puberty, adulthood) and how those experiences made you feel.

The therapist is looking for persistent history of gender dysphoria. Your OP suggests that you have exactly that. So just paint the picture for the therapist, and they'll understand.

Oh, and don't worry about the fact that you've been depressed, or that you've locked up your trans* feelings for years. These are things that happen to almost all of your therapist's patients, so they won't count against you.

Good luck! 

[foreversarah]

Thanks guys!

FTMDiaries, so it's fine to say the reason I came out was because of my depression? What was interesting for me, as may be the case with many others, was when I came out for the first time it really helped the depression, I was a lot happier. I wouldn't say that it completely took it away as I still had issues that were unrelated with a now ex-friend but it really helped.

As I've read on here, I hope they don't make too much of a judgement on the way I walk, the way I talk and my body language because I have dyspraxia which impacts on speech patterns, posture etc.

If I talk about my medical history we will be there all day!  It's long! But that's fine with me.

[FTMDiaries]

It's unlikely to hurt your case if you mention that your depression was one of the defining factors that caused you to seek help. Many of us choose to seek help because we get to a point where we just can't cope any more. A lot of us feel very depressed and/or anxious as a result of our GD, and our depression often improves or even disappears as we transition (as you discovered when you came out for the first time). The GICs know and expect this.

But if you put too much emphasis on depression, they might want to explore that further to eliminate any other cause of depression... in case that 'something else' might be masquerading as GD.

So by all means mention it, but concentrate on the things that make you dysphoric. In many cases, depression is a side-effect of the dysphoria, so this conversation needs to focus on the root cause, not the side-effect.