being labled as gay?

[Ltl89]

I know what you mean.  When I was a kid, I struggled with my sexuality as well as my gender issues.  To be honest, I don't care about someone being gay or not.  I'm a huge supporter of lgbt rights which should be obvious, lol.  However, it never felt right to label myself as gay because of my attraction to men.  Sure, I like guys, but that wasn't the main issue at all and doesn't define my identity in any way.  I just never felt like a gay man or straight man.  It's not me.  What's important is you find out what these feelings mean for you.  There are many reasons why you may feel the way you do and it's best that you discover why this is bothering you.  Are there other reasons why you feel being labeled as a gay man isn't right?  What about being labelled as a man?  How does that make you feel? 

[Dee]

I don't mind if people question, or unsure of, my sexual orientation. What bothers me is when I get treated as though I'm not a woman, but rather, a really gay man.  Think "gay-bff-girlfriend" type. I do understand its difficult for many to separate gender and sexuality, but it always leaves me knotted with stress and frustration.

Of course... I would like to leave a margin of error on behalf of my own paranoid over-analysis :p

[kathyk]

Hi KG.  As others have said, you're a girl in a guy's body.  That's it. 

So you're a girl and you're sexually attracted to men, so your straight.  And I'm a woman who's sexually attracted to women, so I'm lesbian.  It seems there's a fairly large number of transwomen who have felt the way you do, and a lot of them spent years struggling with their GID and sexual orientation at the same time.  At least until they discovered, or admitted they were transgender.  Since I never went through that mental maze I can't judge you or anyone else who has to rationalize their own transgender and gay issues while avoiding stereotypes.  But I could talk for hours about being a transgender monogamous lesbian.  (Hint - not much fun with a wife who's not lesbian.) 

Hey, at one time I thought "Maybe I'm gay", but I wasn't attracted to men so it didn't make scense.  And so I really don't know how you feel, and I'm not going to try and guess.  All I can tell you is maybe you don't need to worry about sexual orientation right now since transition is going to change everything about how you view yourself, and how others see you.   You know, "gender and sex are not the same", but they can both screw with our lives at the same time.

Hugs

[Christine Eryn]

I've said it once and I'll say it again, when I was growing up, if you were transsexual, you were automatically gay. At least, that's what I thought or that's what the media thought. It almost makes sense. I always considered myself a "straight" person. I have been taking hormones a number of years but have not yet gone full time. Since then I've noticed more things than I have before. I'll tell you, I do have a crush on Johnny Wier. 

[EmmaS]

Nothing wrong with either one, but they are completely different, I've always fantasized about men, but specifically as a women with them. Female brain + male body Doesn't equal male brain + male body.

Anyone disagrees with you, that's a problem with their IQ.

[MissC]

As others said, if you are a woman (whether you be cis or trans) and you are attracted to men then you are straight. It really is that simple. I myself (a MtF transsexual woman) consider myself to be "homoflexible". I primarily like women and I can only see myself in long term relationships with them, but there are a few men (usually very pretty boys) who turn my crank.

If I was straight (into men) and someone labeled me as gay I would take offense because it is saying I am a man and that label would be erasing my gender.

[Obfuskatie]

I balk at attaching a particular label to myself, but I like to refer to the Kinsey scale and say I'm somewhere in the middle, even though it wasn't designed for the transgendered.  It seems like the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid is newer and shinier and takes into account more variables in orientation, but I'm not as familiar with it.  I guess it depends on whether you want to restrict yourself to narrowly prescribed boxes of homogeneity for categorizing yourself.  Still, it seems to me like it's easier to tell open minded people you are Bi if you are anywhere in the middle than explain.  You can also tell people "I'm attracted to women." and neglect to mention that your also attracted to men, or vice versa.  It can be simpler to just round toward your dominant attraction.

I think what is more important than the genitals of a partner, is that they treat and view me as I want them to.  You can choose to view yourself as you wish, however the entire goal of transitioning is to make your body match your mind.  It only makes sense to me to view yourself from the perspective of being a woman KG, i.e. you'd either identify as straight, lesbian or bi.

[{Alice}]

I had no emotional or sexual desire for a long time. I recently met a person who had feminized charm and masculine charisma. Well, I was surprised to feel the desire

[ChicanaLuv]

To me there is a huge difference between a gay male and a mtf transsexual... Yes its true that both are attracted to men but there is an internal and emotional difference as well as physical n spiritual but I have a lot of gay n bi male friends n they always tell me that they see me as a girl or a sis n their eyes n can't see me any other way..... But I tell ppl all the time, especially the men that try n date me, that same exact thing

[kelly_aus]

To me there is a huge difference between a gay male and a mtf transsexual... Yes its true that both are attracted to men but there is an internal and emotional difference as well as physical n spiritual but I have a lot of gay n bi male friends n they always tell me that they see me as a girl or a sis n their eyes n can't see me any other way..... But I tell ppl all the time, especially the men that try n date me, that same exact thing

I'm MTF and I'm not attracted to men. Lesbian trans women exist.

[ChicanaLuv]

That may be true but I was speaking in general because the majority mtf trans women I kno are attracted to men so I was just using opinion from my experiences....I hope I didn't offend at all

[kelly_aus]

That may be true but I was speaking in general because the majority mtf trans women I kno are attracted to men so I was just using opinion from my experiences....I hope I didn't offend at all

No offence taken, just that most of the trans women I know  IRL are all lesbians..

[ChicanaLuv]

Well I applaud yu both for being yu...like we say in my culture "Al fin es todo lo que importa" means at the end of the day that is all that matters

[ChicanaLuv]

N she didnt even kno yu Emily?

[ChicanaLuv]

N yu shouldnt care jus b yu sweetie n keep doing yu tell the haters "swerve" and ignore the ignorant they either get wit it or get lost in that order

[Jenna Marie]

Indeed, I'm still living as apparently gay, I'm just not a gay *man.* I actually ran into quite a few trans women early on who told me that I wasn't trans if I wasn't straight (=didn't want a man), though. It was a bit frustrating.

It does neatly sidestep the issue of whether I belong in the LGB(T) group, at least.

[Obfuskatie]

Indeed, I'm still living as apparently gay, I'm just not a gay *man.* I actually ran into quite a few trans women early on who told me that I wasn't trans if I wasn't straight (=didn't want a man), though. It was a bit frustrating.

It does neatly sidestep the issue of whether I belong in the LGB(T) group, at least.

It seems to me that being gay/straight/bi is separate from being transgendered.  People that say otherwise, whether cis or transgendered, are misinformed IMO.  It's a bit unfair to judge someone with gender dysphoria on both sides of the gender coin.  Yet I have also come to realize that there are as many misguided transmen and transwomen as there are biased cisgendered.  People are flawed, and prone to misjudge what they don't understand, even if they should know better.

[Sibila]

I dont mind that I am compared to gay men. I know a few and I do recognise myself in them to a certain degree.
Some of them are naturally feminine too.

It kills me that I am associated with tough straight men that become woman. I have a VERY hard time living
with that false association.

[Jenna Marie]

Obfuskatie (I love your name, btw!), this is very true. It bugged me when I was naive enough to wonder if they were right, but these days I mostly roll my eyes. Personally, I totally agree that orientation and gender are separate - except insofar as one's own gender can define how *other* people see one's orientation (that didn't apply for me because I'm bi, but if I'd been "straight" as a man people would define me as lesbian after transition, even though I was attracted to women throughout). I don't see that as orientation changing *in terms of attraction targets,* though.

[Alice Rogers]

Labels bore me I tend to ignore them.