Setbacks

[Keira J]

Last night I wore heels for the first time, and a miniskirt and felt pretty good about myself at the beginning of the evening. I felt feminine and pretty. But by the end on the way home I was in tears and feeling like ->-bleeped-<-. I overheard the word "->-bleeped-<-" maybe 3/4 times during the night...I was referred to as "mate" on one occasion and referred to as he and him a number of times. All with my new boobs in that arrived yesterday giving me a nice natural look until I can get real ones.

Now I don't feel like I can face the world anymore. And why would I want to? I'm just a ridiculous man in drag. I'm a bloke and everyone knows it. So whats the point of even trying?

[Megumi]

That's the territory that we are in when we first go out in public as our real selves. Id like to make a suggestion based off of my own RLE. Try dressing casually, overdressing can really get you more looks than doing a simple blend in. I went out for the first time on Monday and wore a pair of jeans that were a little loose"yeah recent weight loss" and a nice shirt that covered everything up well with a sports team light jacket since it was chilly outside and a pair of sandles. I had my shoulder blade length hair straightened and wasn't wearing any make up either. As far as I could tell other than being 5'11" I did not get clocked. Nobody noticed or didn't care and I think that's because I went for the casual look. Maybe I got lucky since I didn't go to a real public place. But like the old saying goes, if at first you don't succeed, try and try again. Big hugs ridicule can be hard to deal with.

[Eva Marie]

I agree with Megan. The heels and miniskirt made you stand out and you got unwanted attention.

Every time i've noticed a trans woman out in the world she was dressed in such a way as to stand out . In one case it was an older MTF person that was wearing a skirt and heels and had her hair teased up way high. By doing that she stood out and drew unwanted attention to herself. I'm sure that there were many other MTFs that I've encountered that I didn't notice because they blended in - they were dressed appropriately.

Another tip is to dress age-appropriate. My inner 16 year old girl loves the one mini skirt I have but it never leaves the house. Instead, I shoot for casual, tasteful, and not flamboyant clothes when I'm out, the same as any other well-to-do 51 year old woman would wear. I am even considering jettisoning my 4" heels in favor of flats just like I see every other woman wearing that is around my age.

I can't testify to my passing skills but so far no one has ever said a word about me while i've been out dressed this way.

And last - I know that this experience was extremely hard on you, and that you are feeling battered and bruised. Please be kind to yourself and pick yourself back up, learn from it and eventually try it again. You have every right to present how you wish so don't let a few ignorant people take that away from you.

~Eva

[VeronicaLynn]

I just got clocked as "he must be a biker" wearing a tight athletic cut charcoal gray T-shirt, tight jeans, and long hair in a feminine style walking past a restaurant with a outdoor seating by some old guy...while it was all wrong, what does it matter what they say? As long as they aren't throwing punches, really, even if he was throwing punches, I would've kicked that old guy to the curb...

[TerriT]

They're called setbacks, not lifestoppers. You learned a tough lesson about passing. Keep your chin up girl.

[Cindy]

That isn't a setback, it is a learning experience!

I remember so many of those occasions!

I also remember what my hairdresser told me once when I was saying I had no chance of looking like the woman I am. He BTW is a straight male.

He called a few of the female staff over and told them my fears.

They said one important thing. Cis-girls go into their bedrooms as 14 year and come out at 18 year and who know how to do their makeup, hair, dress and fit in. It is called practice and advice from their friends. I missed out on that. They promised to help me; and they have.

Guess what? You have sisters here who will help you.

Don't despair, you are one Hell of a woman.

Be proud of that - and never be ashamed of who you are.

People who insult you and us have one thing in common, their own insecure little feelings, they are jealous.

Be proud - and yes dress appropriate to your age!

[Keira J]

Thanks for all the advice girls. I guess that makes sense to me really. During the day I think I tend to pass fairly easily, but I just wanted to be pretty I guess.

I'm only 26 so I don't feel like miniskirt and heels is too much of an out of age limit thing, you may be right though.

I think I need a new hair style too, this one is annoying me, maybe that can be next months target.

I'll keep on keeping on, only because I feel so confident now as I am, this just kinda shook me in a way it wouldn't usually

[justpat]

  Like advice others have said here I just word it different. Hide in plain sight, just blend in with what or whoever is around you if you stand out for any reason you will be picked up on. I am 6'3" I need a forest to blend in .Eye contact a smile and nod go a long way. I personally like color but more bland is the way I have to go.  Pat

[sweetlittlemisery]

Thanks for all the advice girls. I guess that makes sense to me really. During the day I think I tend to pass fairly easily, but I just wanted to be pretty I guess.

I'm only 26 so I don't feel like miniskirt and heels is too much of an out of age limit thing, you may be right though.

I think I need a new hair style too, this one is annoying me, maybe that can be next months target.

I'll keep on keeping on, only because I feel so confident now as I am, this just kinda shook me in a way it wouldn't usually

I'm sorry you've had this little setback from those comments. I think the others are right and saying the miniskirt was maybe pushing things a little too far for now (of course it is completely up to yourself how you dress!), but keeping things casual doesn't have to mean that you can't look beautiful. Keep experimenting with different patterns and cuts of fabric and try out little things with your hair. A little clip or a different parting can work wonders! Good luck! <3