Still have No Idea what I am???

[Ginger Maxim]

Born Male, but no idea what I am.

I love a man's genitalia. I love breasts and yes would die to get my own. Love all women's clothes and OMG have a huge shoe fetish. OMG..I enjoy having sex with women, but just looking at a man's penis can make me explode.

I have been with men, not recently (10 years), but just love giving head. I fantasize about being 100% woman and being with a man romantically, but have so many conflicting thoughts and fears.

Please excuse my writing I am not a great writer and have difficulty explaining what I am trying to get across. 

I have never gone out in public dressed and only 1 person has seen me dressed and know about me, but she is not a close friend and hardly ever see her. She has asked me to dress up and go out with her, but that is totally out of the question. I have nothing appropriate and I am certainly not prepared in any way at all for something so extreme. 

I hope this is a good start. I am looking for your questions to help me understand "what" I am. I so would like to know where I am in my life and be able to start fresh. 

Please be aware I have no close friends or family at all and the so called acquaintance's I do have in my life, would disown my in a heart beat if they ever found out. I also do not have any kind of support group other then the occasional councilor sessions.

Thank you so much and looking forward to chatting with you all.
Ginger Maxim...

[JLT1]

Hi,

I think I can relate to parts of your theme.  I am transgender MTF but I like my male parts.  I love my breasts.  I like the emotions I have found once I started HRT.  I like my "getting there" body and am scheduled for facial feminization surgery (FFS) in Dec.  I'll pass by late January.  However, genital correction surgery (some call it sexual reassignment surgery) is up in the air.  Besides, my wife likes the male parts as well (and I REALLY like women). I'm just on my way to becoming me.  I still have questions though but I'm feeling better every day.

So, find a therapist who knows gender issues and get started on your quest to you.  There is no wrong answer.  There will be some missteps and a few paths that lead to a person you are not. Just turn around, go back and try again.  Experiment a little, play a little, and learn a little.  You should also find some friends.  Think about group therapy.   It really didn't do anything for me but I met some really fun people who were on journeys of their own.